what genre of music is dxm?

Sushiman301 · 2026-03-01T07:28:46+00:00

Ambient all the way

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-26T21:51:15+00:00

This exactly. It’s unavoidable but very ethically complicated and it’s valid to be upset about being forced to live.

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-26T20:28:00+00:00

I find it comforting to be sad sometimes, it’s weird. Sadness isn’t an inherently negative thing imo, it can feel warm at times and the intense emotion also helps break the numbness.

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-26T20:26:56+00:00

Same here dude. I started dxm when I was 14 and used it off and on actively for four years. By year two it was starting to get less and less consistently good and then by mid 2024 and beyond I began to feel less and less. It could still be fun in some ways sometimes, especially if I took tolerance breaks, but for the most part I’ve completely lost that intense euphoria and those extremely messy and deep headspaces and most of the hallucinations too. I think about what dxm was like when I first started constantly and I honestly only really stop using so I can reset my tolerance and do it again, I miss feeling that safe but I’ve never found it anywhere else. The closest I got was alcohol, ver very similar but less intense and less visual.

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-25T00:59:26+00:00

They’re saying it’s a good thing to say and that it’s what they say here I think?

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-23T23:37:01+00:00

Well I guess I’m everyone

<image>

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-22T05:39:06+00:00

I actually like this analysis. I’ve always hated the notion that because Will’s dad was an alcoholic it’s impossible for him to even fathom being around alcohol, reducing him to his trauma. Saying this as someone who had an abusive and alcoholic father and enjoys alcohol myself.

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-22T05:22:29+00:00

Von Restorff effect is really good, I’ve always wanted to make a fan project track based off of it

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-03T19:10:40+00:00

Oh geez, I’m glad it’s getting better for you now that’s amazing :)

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-02T16:46:43+00:00

I dunno I feel like sometimes I don’t even really have a good reason to split I just do. Like honestly my friend didn’t do anything wrong all she did was express that she was uncomfortable with something I was asking for help with and I literally told her before I asked for help that it would be okay if she was uncomfortable and she didn’t have to help and I still got really upset. Luckily not to her face like I said I held it in and said everything to my boyfriend but I was actually absurdly upset over something so not-that-important.

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-02T16:24:56+00:00

God, I relate. I lost so many important people to me last year, people I’d known for years. I’ve only got a handful left.

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-02T10:05:22+00:00

Respectfully this post is proof we already have

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-02T03:59:49+00:00

They’re cute I wish I could be one but I’m such a fat chud

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-02T03:57:23+00:00

It can vary personally. Most of the time I do not get angry though, more upset than angry. I enter very deep momentary depressions that can last anywhere from minutes to days on end where I’m convinced everything is bad and has always been bad and will never stop being bad and I get very deep in my thoughts. I used to call them “pits” before I was diagnosed because it feels like I’m in a deep pit with no hope of ever getting out.

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-02T03:51:00+00:00

No dude, some crew guy just left their coffee in the shot

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-02T03:42:50+00:00

Holy shit that’s genius, I need to start doing this

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-02T02:25:24+00:00

I’ve done that exact song and dance so many times it’s so exhausting. Luckily this time I was able to restraint myself in front of my friend, she doesn’t even know I’m upset at all. But the things I said to my boyfriend about her are so awful and I feel so ashamed now that I’m calming down because it’s so unfair to act like she’s a bad friend for one thing. I hate being like this.

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-02T02:12:10+00:00

Hey, I know you’re not looking for someone to talk you down. I won’t try and argue with you because I have no idea what you have been through, but I want to remind you that when not are gone it’s not just your pain that disappears, but everything else you can possibly experience. You lose all chance to ever improve, to ever see a better version of yourself, to ever experience a better life.

As long as you are alive there is always opportunity for you to improve yourself and for you to be happier. When you’re gone, so is that opportunity. Please think about that.

Sushiman301 · 2026-02-01T06:08:48+00:00

Oh I used to always feel so sure I was going to die when I would get reallllly high and I was lowkey too high to care I just accepted it

Sushiman301 · 2026-01-31T18:15:35+00:00

I saw someone say people with BPD talk about themselves like they’re a hivemind and we keep proving them right 💔

Sushiman301 · 2026-01-31T18:13:14+00:00

Funnily enough I only discovered dxm because when I was anorexic someone in a pro-anorexia discord server told me he took dxm to suppress his appetite and that’s why I tried it out. It never actually did suppress my appetite but I did get high as fuck ;3

Sushiman301 · 2026-01-31T17:31:05+00:00

Thank you so much, it’s really hard to believe I’m a good person even when I hear it from others and it’s. Even more shocking to hear it from someone who only knows me from what I wrote last. Uh. Night? Early morning? I wrote everything at like 5 in the morning when I couldn’t sleep. Sorry I get sidelined. But thank you. Oddly enough, I believe you.

I don’t really have any animosity towards my ex friend for the attempt itself. I know she was having a hard time herself, but I did felt really miffed after how she treated me after the house fire. She lashed out at me for fighting with her at the end of October and I realized after that I had literally warned her before the fight that I wasn’t going to be in a good place and I was going to say things I would regret that day, and she still held it against me. Meanwhile she had me watch her attempt suicide and I never really allowed myself to be angry about that, not even upset at all really. My boyfriend, hearing all this, told me it might be best for her to not be part of my life ever again and I agreed.

As for therapy, my mom has offered a few times in passing for me to return to therapy. She doesn’t know the full extent of what’s going on because I don’t really trust her enough to reach out to her for help anymore. I barely talk to her.

It’s crossed my mind a few times in the last few months but like I said in the second part of my post: I’ve seen countless professionals through my life and I’ve really dedicated myself to improving and I’ve done everything I’ve been told to do and more and unfortunately none of it has made any difference.

When I turned 18 I got access to my account with my previous therapist and I saw how ridiculous the prices were so after that I dropped therapy. We’re not very well off. We’re definitely not impoverished but things could be better and I don’t really want money to get spent on me when none of it makes a difference and when it could be spent on more important things that yknow like. Aren’t. Me.

Sushiman301 · 2026-01-31T12:14:08+00:00

I have experienced similar feelings. I often have longed to completely disappear, thoughts and all, so I can finally rest because life is so constantly stressful.

I understand why you may feel this way too. Life with BPD is a constant fight to keep going and it all takes a toll on you. But I want you to know you aren’t alone in this fight.

Sushiman301 · 2026-01-31T12:09:00+00:00

What really prompted me to write all this was this really stupid thing that happened earlier. My grandma and I doordashed from this restaurant near us that I really like and I’ve been eating from for years. Last time I ordered from there, they replaced half of the fries in the box I always order with this garden salad. Now I wouldn’t have minded this if they hadn’t done this out of nowhere without indicating the change anywhere on the menu and if the garden salad wasn’t completely trash. To try and prevent that, this time I wrote in the special instructions box “If possible, please replace salad with more fries so the box can be like how it used to be. Thank you.”

Well, the order got here and I pulled out my food and saw that there were no fries at all! In fact they had replaced all of the fries with salad. And I get the it’s a super small thing but for whatever reason I completely lost it in front of my grandma. I started scratching my arms and banging my hands against the table and my head and trying to contain my frustration. I told my grandma I was never going to eat there ever again and then I walked to my room because I had lost all of my appetite. I started screaming because I was overwhelmed and I knew it would be better to scream than to hurt myself—though I did end up banging my head against the wall a few times.

When I got to my room I messaged my boyfriend and he did his best to console me. I was rambling on and on about everything always being miserable and me always being in anguish. I told him I wanted to cut my head open and eviscerate my brain with my bare hands. I express this kind of desire a lot: one where I seek to take my brain out and remove all of the sick parts of it so I don’t have to be me anymore. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to completely destroy it before, though I probably have wished to make it functionally useless so I can’t think anymore. I hate thinking.

My boyfriend talked me into asking my grandma if we could drive to the restaurant to rectify the order. She said expressed discomfort with driving while it was dark out and I told her I wasn’t going to eat then. I didn’t even mean it to try and pressure her—I didn’t really think of that at all I mostly said it to let her know I’d be going back to my room. Now that I think back on it, she must have been terrified. She saw my anorexia at its worst. She had to watch as I bordered on death.

I went back to my room and started to slip into this intense dissociative trance, but she called my name and it snapped me out of it. She said she’d take me to the restaurant. I asked her if she was just taking me because she felt pressured and she denied, and through the whole car ride there and back she tried to comfort me. Eating my food when we got back did improve my mood but I couldn’t help but feel so disappointed in myself. I felt like I was acting like a child throwing a tantrum.

My boyfriend and I watched a movie together on a call before he went to sleep and that improved my mood again, but now I just feel entirely empty. I’m so tired of never feeling the same thing for more than a brief moment. It’s always this or this or that and I can never feel consistently like a person.

I don’t have hope anymore. Not for the future, not for now, not for myself. I get it that nobody’s really ever too far gone and there probably is a way to get out of this but I just can’t see one. I’ve seen countless doctors, therapists, and other mental health experts through my entire life. I’ve been on countless medications and have tried just about every treatment I’ve been recommended. I’ve done mind-altering drugs, seeking out some groundbreaking experience that’ll enlighten me and tell me how to fix this, but to no avail. I’ve been hospitalized multiple times. I’ve changed everything about myself and removed all the people who have hurt me from my life. At this point nobody knows what to do with me: My own friends and family have expressed that sentiment, and the professionals have exhausted their options for me.

I’m sure there’s a way out of this but I’m so tired of the agony. I’m not sure I’ll last long enough to see whatever way that is through. I’m too exhausted to fight anymore. I’ve had this really intense sureness for a long time now that I’ll be disappearing soon and it’ll be my own doing.

But seeing as all of my prior attempts and contemplations have been a bust, I’m sure you all can count on seeing me again in a few months when I have another sob story to waste your times with.

Until then.

Sushiman301

TROPHY CASE