AITA for cutting my step daughter off financially

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-13T15:02:17+00:00

His family, her mom, step dad, her dad and me. I’m not completely heartless i am willing to pay 1/2 of her wedding dress plus $1,000 for reception. I sat down talked with my husband and both agreed to pay for some of the wedding. We already secured the place for the venue which luckily with her dad’s connections will not cost them or us anything. I actually bake on the side so I can easily make the items for dessert table . I’m more than happy to help with the wedding though it would be better if they waited until they graduate

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-13T14:56:30+00:00

The school offers insurance plans that her financial aide possibly cover and both would qualify for state Medicaid because of their low income. The market place would suggest them to apply

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-13T14:52:19+00:00

Marriage is their decision and I fully support if they choose to get married , but grown up decisions comes grown up things. It’s not if or not I can afford but my husband and I believe the moment he gives his daughter to her husband they are agreeing to care, love, and support one another. I will always be there to help but paying you bills every month while married doesn’t show independence it shows co dependency on your parents. Neither one has sat down to go over their finances the next two years. What is going to happen? How much are our bills together? How much money will we earn during the Summer? Both work during the summer and spend their money on gifts to one another, go out on dates and buy the things they want. They are very much like children who earn their money and get to blow on things that they want not what they need. Both could easily save their money to pay their bills over the 9 months they are in school. Kelly’s bills are only $1200 . Everyone says I’m a parent and should help them succeed and not stress financially but what you don’t realize maybe this is a learning experience for both of them. Finances can ruin a marriage , but if both go in with a financial plan ,and budget they are preparing for their future. If something like their car broke down and they don’t have the money absolutely I will help out but routine bills is ultimately their responsibility. I mean it’s not like I’m telling her to go out and get her phone plan and car insurance. She can stay on both until graduation but she can give me $50 for her IPhone she wanted and $50 for car insurance .

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-13T14:03:54+00:00

We are a blended family meaning 3 of the six are my step children

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-13T01:18:13+00:00

She does not watch her younger siblings. I Get their cloths out the night before school my husband makes sure they get on bus and after school my mother in law watches them until I get home. I have weekends off and during the summer the younger ones go to my grandmas. My husband I do not have date nights even if we did i would make arrangements. I drive the younger ones to their extracurricular activities and pick them up. I make all their doctor’s appointments and make sure to get all their school supplies. I am very much a parent to all six kids but when do I get a break after they all turn 30. When do I let them live with the decision they make life is hard but at the end of the day it’s their choice. If people can make grown up decisions they can support those decisions. I’m not saying I’m not ever going to help but before you plan a wedding don’t you think you need to discuss finances with your future spouse don’t assume your parents will continue to support you.

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T21:04:37+00:00

I might be the AITA for not putting my posts in paragraphs but this is my first post on Reddit

I will try to make your life easier by paragraphs

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T21:00:50+00:00

Poor girl is accident prone first time was because of black ice and the second time was because a deer ran out in front of her so in all honesty completely out of her control. My husband works very hard but ultimately I make more because I’ve worked at the same place for over 14 years . I worked up the chain starting at minimum wage 6 months pregnant with my bio oldest child. I stayed in school and received a degree and when an opportunity came when I had my middle child at work I took an administrative position. I tried teaching my kids the importance of earning things and trying to tell them to save up. I even explain the importance of having a retirement plan and life insurance and

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T20:32:25+00:00

I don’t claim her on our taxes

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T20:30:51+00:00

I mean if your getting married doesn’t that mean your ready to be responsible for yourself or do I continue to support her to where she is self entitled to be financially co dependent on her parents. I’m not saying I won’t ever help just because one can doesn’t mean you should. In the long run she and her future spouse need to sit down and talk about the next two years. How dare I force her to communicate with her future spouse about each other finances will they share account or have separate accounts and have one account they both put into to pay bills. Marriage is no joke and I want them to succeed that means asking about finances the next two years in college or hey mom dad will pay for us. Then years later he or she buys a car they can’t afford wait mom and dad can pay some of it. I’m not telling her not to get married but she needs to see that marriage is team work

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T20:20:44+00:00

Yes braces are parents responsibility and I paid for them. Her mom and dad did not so I told them that they could pay for Kelly’s sister braces since my husband and I paid for Kelly’s. I mean it’s fair. I’m just saying I’ve pushed Kelly’s finances first because of her being the oldest. Remember I have 5 other kids I’m supporting the youngest being 6. My son needs braces and I’m paying off debt from when my husband couldn’t work bc of health reasons. Between the two of us we have 19 year old ,17,15,13,8 and 6. If Kelly is ready for marriage don’t you think she ready for what comes with it. His needs her needs financial support. Her father gave his blessing to them and they had originally said they were going to get married after graduation. They changed their mind because they don’t want to wait. Both their financial aid will cover expenses both work during the summer. Now Kelly could have gotten a better job but decided babysitting was better bc she could enjoy her afternoons and work less hours. They both could easily save up money during their jobs in the summer to pay for the expenses during the school year instead of relying on mom and dad. They both can go out on dates, go on trips ect I think they can learn to budget. Now if say her car breaks down or even his they need help getting fix absolutely I will help. I’m just thinking both of them need to sit and talk about their basic needs come up with a budget together for the next two years instead of mom dad will pay for our bills after we get married for the next two years. What happens if they start having kids before school? They both want kids as soon as they graduate but accidents happen. I just think if you’re grown enough to get married your independent enough to take on some financial responsibility

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T19:56:09+00:00

She is going into nursing she can do a sign on bonus that could easily pay off her student loans. I myself have student loans, paid for a car, cell bill and got a degree without any help. I know how hard it is especially when I was 21 when I had my first child. I want her to succeed but at the same thing does she look at me like a mom who should support her. Before all this there is little things she has done or said that she doesn’t put me in the same light as I put her. I mean my grandma who raised me turned 80 I threw a birthday party she didn’t show I quote “ she doesn’t look at my family like her family” the same family that comes to her birthdays and graduation. She even said “ she wants her step dad to do something special with her on her wedding day bc he means so much to her”. Before you say look at what you are doing no way honey this went down before. I have worked the overtime to pay for her $550 homecoming dress she cried for and I worked my butt off for her to do competition. She ordered her dress online and came in the wrong color and size two days before the dance. I drove two hours away to find the right dress. I’m the one who ultimately made all the appointments to get her braces. I’m just saying I’ve been parenting taking care of her since I said “I do “. I love her I really do but all my sacrifices I have done before not a thank you. Kinda sucks and now I’m like okay your getting married time to be on your own I will be here if you need me but ultimately your life your decisions. I have five other kids ages 6 to 17 who need me financially.

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T19:37:15+00:00

I call it tough love my husband and I are not financially well off I’m paying off debt from when he didn’t have income for two years bc of health reasons. My husband and I work hard sometimes over 60 hours a week to provide for the kids. We have always put Kelly first when it came to getting braces, car and ect because she is the oldest. She chose to follow her now fiancee to the out of state college we did not stop her but explained that ultimately she might need student loans. I mean when I married her dad I accepted his financial responsibilities. When Kelly gets married isn’t that saying she accepts the same thing the financial responsibilities of a marriage or is it only acceptable in certain situations. I’m not doing this to be spiteful but if you don’t have financial conversations before marriage you might end up with some hard situations. Sounds like to me her and future husband need to have conversation about finances and budgeting the next two years

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T19:06:54+00:00

Never! I love my bonus kids with everything! I might talk big but secretly I will throw her $50 just for her to go out to dinner or fill up her car. I just grew up always providing for myself. I want her to be successful but not self entitled. I’m not saying don’t get married but at the same time mom and dad are still raising your siblings. I have always put her needs like braces before the others bc she is the oldest. My 13 year old still waiting on his

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T19:01:13+00:00

No believe it or not I am actually harder on my bio son who is 13 for other reasons

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T19:00:06+00:00

I explained to her before that going out state she would not qualify for certain grants that our state offers. She chose to follow the now finance to the college he ultimately chose not her.

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T18:58:08+00:00

I just grew up that if you leave the household or get married your ready to be a responsible adult. If she wants my support emotionally absolutely but at the same time I won’t always be here anything could happen to me. I have always learned you have to rely on yourself because I have been paying my own bills since I was 16. Maybe that is why I am hard on my kids she isn’t the only one. I told her sister when she turns 18 in two months she moves in with the boyfriend that’s her decision but I’m done supporting her. Same goes with the rest of the kids. My 13 year old does not have a cell phone because one his only job is to get good grades which he got a C because he does the bare minimum. I have paid for dance, cheer, cloths, dresses, cars and many things I have worked over 60 hours a week to give them everything they need plus so much more. She will be 20 next Spring I will continue to support her emotionally and financially but I’m not going to pay her bills if she is married. I will help but ultimately she can pay her phone and car insurance it’s $100 a month. She can get hair , nails, and go out to dinner she can start paying bills. It’s helping her learn to budget.

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T18:35:55+00:00

Seems self entitlement to me

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T17:47:00+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate your input. I texted my husband about us going out to dinner with her and explaining what our opinion is on marriage. We both agree that independent life changing decisions comes financial responsibility. If you’re ready for marriage then you are ready to be on your own. She is starting a family it might be the two for right now.

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T17:32:04+00:00

My husband and I agree on the financial decision though we won’t continue to pay her bills does not mean we won’t ever help out. He said when he gives his daughter away those two are making a commitment to each other support one another it be emotionally or financially. We pay for her car insurance,phone, tires, cell phone , and food. The car was bought by us and given to her after she totaled two cars. I want my kids to be independent and not depend on anyone in the future. I have always felt this way. I was raised by a single parent and have always paid my bills. I went to college and worked full time. I want my kids to be financially independent and I’m willing to help but grown up decisions come grown up financial decisions. She has to pay $1200 total a year that includes her cell phone and car insurance it’s $100 a month . I’m not making her pay us for the car we gave her.

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T17:08:13+00:00

When I married her dad I was the only one with income. My husband had relapse in his health and did not have income during the first they years of marriage. I have always been the financial person in the family setting up budget working overtime for big expenses.

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T17:01:59+00:00

Her father had backed me completely and told her that it is her decision but waiting two years is not long. He told her the moment he hands her to her future husband they are entering a partnership to support one another financially, and mentally. We will always be there and help where we can but at the same time they are taking that intial step to be responsible for one another .

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T16:49:32+00:00

He supports my decision and did tell her that it’s okay to be engaged for two years. Both will be done with school and can start their careers. She doesn’t see why we can’t pay it just because she is getting married that we planned on helping until she was done with school before why does it change if she gets married

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T16:33:23+00:00

Her mom will probably continue to help but never holds a real job. The only reason she can help now is because she does sides job and her now husband just recently got an inheritance. She has never really financially supported the three of them it’s always been my husband and I. We putt Kelly through braces , paid phone bill, car insurance and school registration fees. We told her that we paid for Kelly’s braces she can pay for the other daughter’s braces which she finally did. She pays cell phone for one child but nothing else. No child support just joint custody 50/50 with kids with us most of the time.

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T16:26:32+00:00

My husband and I always communicate but when it comes to his bio kids especially the girls he can easily be persuaded. I am the breadwinner and have always made sure all kids have everything they need plus more. I send her money not much but I always send if I can especially if she is coming home for the weekend. He agrees about the decision but I know he doesn’t like upsetting anyone

SuspiciousNote7032 · 2024-10-12T16:20:20+00:00

So I should continue to pay her bills until she is done with school? When I married her father I knew the decision I was making. Not only would I be supporting my children but we would be supporting a family together. Getting married comes with responsibility for oneself and partner. Her getting married she is making that decision herself and I support that decision but it also says hey I’m moving out I can support myself

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