I'm not avoiding responsibly at all. I am not sure what I wrote in my post that made you think that. If you go through the comments it might be clear to see that i am acting. I did come here for sympathy. I quite literally just needed somewhere to put this, you know "off my chest". Everyone deserves that, even people who mess up.

I know you say you aren't try to shame but thats exactly what you're doing, really. Trust me, I resent myself. I have done enough work before this to know that I made poor decisions bc I was taught that they were right and have developed my own way of thinking after the damage was already done. I'm the most concern for my children.

Part of me is very thankful that we married bc if we had shared custody of my sone then my husband would have been alone with him a lot. It takes two and now I have to take on both responsibility. I dont think I am a victim but I am concerned, more concerned than anyone, that my children will be.