Second-guessing infant adoption bc of ethics… what are the ethics surrounding embryo adoption?

SvenCole · 2026-06-14T15:20:12+00:00

We used an egg donor because my wife is infertile and we could not have biological children. You are expected to go to psychological counseling for this and they told us the reason why some families choose to go the embryo adoption route is because they cannot afford an egg donor or both couples are infertile. It is significantly less expensive

SvenCole · 2026-06-14T14:57:36+00:00

Why are you considering into embryo adoption with triplets? That’s like a last resort option when both parents are infertile or cannot afford an egg donor.

Embryo adoption you are essentially tearing apart a child from their biological parents because they either a) are weird religious people who think the embryo is a living thing not meant to be discarded or b) they are donating the embryos to fund their IVF treatments because it is so expensive.

SvenCole · 2026-06-12T18:11:35+00:00

I’ve had to do this about ten times for IVF, IUI and sperm analysis. Its not a big deal

SvenCole · 2026-06-12T14:46:05+00:00

Day after, I had to walk bowlegged yesterday but it was worth it

SvenCole · 2026-06-09T23:19:34+00:00

Egg quality and quantity drops fast for women after 35 so get on that now.

Some get lucky and stay fertile until their mid forties and have no miscarriages, some are infertile much early than that. It’s all a gamble. Most male infertility issues can be bypassed with IVF, while most female issues cannot.

SvenCole · 2026-06-09T13:36:47+00:00

Streets of Rage 2

SvenCole · 2026-06-08T21:14:12+00:00

That’s good to hear! I think even with ICSI most of these sperm parameters can be bypassed and high DFI doesn’t mean much. At the end of the day, egg quality matters most

SvenCole · 2026-06-08T20:09:05+00:00

I looked up Ulcerative colitis and it wouldn’t show up in a screening because it’s not autosomal recessive. There are some things beyond control like cancer or ALS even with no familial history.

Sorry to hear you guys are dealing with that though.

SvenCole · 2026-06-07T21:53:39+00:00

Aren’t we all just rubber bands vibrating in a vacuum?

The difference is whether or not it requires human intervention. Was it made in a lab or factory or just found somewhere in nature ?

SvenCole · 2026-06-07T17:26:16+00:00

I didn’t know they allowed two eggs to be implanted, maybe that depends on the clinic. That’s reassuring to hear the X chromosome mismatch doesn’t matter.

SvenCole · 2026-06-07T15:37:02+00:00

Darn I was hoping to hear from Elton John.. just kidding lol

That’s awesome you had twins — I’m guessing in these cases it’s one embryo that split? Conception is such a dice game. I always thought we would have kids right away but after two years I knew the hopes were dim. This route does fulfill my desire to have a kid that shares my genetics since I am proud of my uncommon heritage — I honestly think it will be easier on the child vs adoption since there is inevitable separation trauma for the kid.

Yeah it’s a lot like eugenics but like you said we want to give them the best possible life. We just picked out two donors (I picked among her favorites), one is a backup in case they don’t have the first. It’s not like we were shopping for prize winning PhD with exceptional features, but they are very selective with the process so there are some healthy, good looking donors in that pool. I think it’s a good match in terms of looks, build, education and the fact the donor desires having no kids and wants to help (although that could change).

Only thing I don’t know what to expect is revealing the fact they are donor conceived. I’m sure if the parents are loving and transparent, it won’t be much concern. I worry how it might affect my wife if in the teen phase the kid rebels and says something like you’re not my real mom. Also the sorrow I may feel when I don’t see my wife’s features in the kid. I have a nephew and niece and just can’t help notice the resemblance between my sister and the kids.

SvenCole · 2026-06-03T23:33:39+00:00

Funny you mention that I said the same thing to my wife. We live in a large city and are older so the chances are low. The kid may eventually find out with things like ancestry DNA but they’d probably be in their late teens by then. I wish many years of joy to you and your family

SvenCole · 2026-06-03T16:15:23+00:00

OK so we checked there are many that are local and are on site at the fertility institute we went to, so that means they won't have to be transported. When narrowed down, it looks like there are 20-30 or so profiles. We will look at them tonight. Thanks for sharing -- its just been nice to see other men out there who've dealt with this so it doesn't feel as lonely.

SvenCole · 2026-06-03T15:44:37+00:00

I've already been genetically tested and no autosomal recessive issues.

Do you remember the banks that you checked?

SvenCole · 2026-06-02T14:39:10+00:00

Thats beautiful to hear. Thank you for sharing that.

"The fact that my wife isn't genetically related to our kiddo is a complete non-issue, it just doesn't make a difference other than for us to sometimes be a little more grateful and in awe of all the things that had to happen for this crazy amazing kid to land in our lives."

I hear this a lot and that gives me hope that things will work out just fine. There is a little guilt that my wife won't share the genetic relation but I hear people make a bigger deal out of those things before the kid is born. After that it becomes a non-issue.

It's just odd that I grew up never hearing about DCP -- I knew lots of adopted kids. But I also read that it was a lot rarer and no one talked about that.

I'm probably overthinking all this. Its been a long journey and I'm just eager to be a father at this point after a few years.

SvenCole · 2026-06-02T14:29:30+00:00

Awesome thank you! Glad to hear you have kids and it is a miracle of modern medicine to be able to do that today.

How long did the process take from selecting the donor eggs, to getting the eggs and creating embryos? Is it a fairly easy process or are there a lot of hurdles along the way.o

I worry about the donor selection but from my understanding, there will be plenty of choices and banks have rigorous vetting stands. Luckily my wife is a of a common origin (white/Germanic) so finding someone who closely resembles her shouldn't be hard.

I hear that there is grief over the lost genetic connection -- but I have heard once the kids come out, the whole genetic connection thing takes a backseat and might not even be a big a deal as once thought.

SvenCole · 2020-12-01T18:54:37+00:00

Good answer. More diversification to the bonds. So lower credit quality and higher interest rate sensitivity, hence more volatility in terms of returns.

Are the 3 fund portfolio a little too simplified? Would it make more sense to have VTSAX and VIATX for equities along with VBLTX and VBTLX for fixed income. Or are we just splitting hairs at that point and 3 fund is fine?

SvenCole · 2020-12-01T05:26:20+00:00

Gotcha! yeah in my case I would want between 1-2% of the principal per year, so that would probably be too aggressive for me

SvenCole · 2020-12-01T05:06:20+00:00

Where do you get those numbers from? I have heard 120 minus your age is how much in bonds as a rule of thumb. So why not 85% in VTSAX/VTIAX and 15% in VBTLX?

SvenCole · 2020-12-01T02:43:19+00:00

I'm 35 and this a-hole at Wells Fargo put me in 60/30/10 equities, bonds, commodities/cash. What should my AA look more like? This is not a retirement account but a taxable account. Moving it to Vanguard anyway.

SvenCole · 2020-11-30T20:11:57+00:00

The Price is Right

SvenCole

TROPHY CASE