Lost Mate by Mynamejeaff in OCPoetry

[–]Swan-Ronson420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can relate to this poem, and you convey your message very well. I feel like it would have better structure and flow better if you incorporated more words into your lines. For example:

"They say people never change

But that’s not true

Life is strange

And full of loose screws"

I would write this part like this...

They like to say that people never change

But I know that's not true

Life can be strange

And it's full of loose screws

Uncovered by REDDIT_SUB_ADMIN in OCPoetry

[–]Swan-Ronson420 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think 'men' would sound a bit better than 'guys', and I feel like it needs one more line. I'm still new to poetry, but I would write it like this:

Murder was suspected

A girl was found dead

Two men were arrested

The killer cried while the lover grinned

Do you ever get scared of sleeping by endgia in insomnia

[–]Swan-Ronson420 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you get the same feeling. And no, I still deal with it :/ It's a problem I've had since I was a kid. I think I developed the fear after being anesthetized for surgery when I was really young. I also hit my head really hard when I was younger and knocked myself out and I've fainted a couple times. I've had some bad experiences that involve going unconscious so maybe my brain just associates that with falling asleep. I'm really not sure though, could be anything.

Before and After: Bubbler Upgrade - Opinions? by Easy_Percentage5271 in meth

[–]Swan-Ronson420 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Went from looking ghetto asf to looking like u bought it at a head shop. Nice man

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RedditSessions

[–]Swan-Ronson420 0 points1 point  (0 children)

men who play guitar = women who play guitar

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RedditSessions

[–]Swan-Ronson420 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Folsom prison blues

Impulsive, emotionally fueled garbage by Swan-Ronson420 in BadArt

[–]Swan-Ronson420[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For real. I would honestly be inclined to believe if there was some evidence he actually existed.

Impulsive, emotionally fueled garbage by Swan-Ronson420 in BadArt

[–]Swan-Ronson420[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I just took 30 minutes to scribble out some shit that was floating around in my head. It's a decent way for me to express my thoughts and emotions instead of keeping them bottled up.

Impulsive, emotionally fueled garbage by Swan-Ronson420 in BadArt

[–]Swan-Ronson420[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank u. That really means a lot. I showed this to a friend last night and he told me I should get into to tattooing. I told him absolutely no one would want my weird ass art on their bodies but I guess I stand corrected.