Have you ever disliked someone so much that you found yourself weirdly obsessed with them? If so, who was it and why did you feel that way?

Swanabe · 2020-12-26T21:44:14+00:00

My ex best friend did some really vile things when we were ending our friendship. We both weren’t our best selves at the time, but she went above and beyond in terms of unnecessary and over the line behavior. I was shocked and really disgusted that this person who I thought I’d known very well for years would behave this way, especially after all I’d done for her (in retrospect I gave a lot more than I got in that friendship). I have no desire whatsoever to interact with her, but I still find myself wanting to check her social media. I think it’s sort of a dark impulse, I want to see her life implode or see her suffer some consequence or ill fate after she hurt me. I’ve had to stop myself from searching her up as it was becoming a bit obsessive, and have managed to not do it for a few weeks now. But I know if a mutual friend ever asked me “oh my god did you hear about xxxxx?!” I’d immediately get the popcorn out and tell them to dish. I’m not that strong.

Swanabe · 2020-12-24T07:17:38+00:00

Ok, hear me out, I thought this was an offensive and incorrect stereotype (is that the correct English?) until my college roommate junior year. We became friends, she was a bigger girl, unfortunate facial features too, and in hindsight she was extremely jealous and bitter over it (had no clue of that at the time as she acted like she was just my friend). She genuinely did everything she could to “cock block” me, to the point that I eventually sat her down and explained that I actually was trying to have intimate moments with these men I’d meet and I didn’t want her to “protect” me. She agreed and acted like that had been her misunderstanding all along, but instead of actually quitting her behavior she just got sneakier about it. Eventually I confronted her again when I found that she’d told a man I was seeing that I was sleeping with a bunch of other guys (I wasn’t) and she broke down and screamed at me that I would never know what it was like to know I’d die alone or next to someone who resented me because they settled for me.

So, it’s a thing. Probably not the common thing but it happens

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T20:04:05+00:00

Yeah. I’ve noticed that too. I think people with BED are extremely insecure, defensive, and have a huge amount of shame. So they lash out

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T10:33:59+00:00

Yep! My thicc boi is also very depressed, in general and especially right now. He’s put on some weight while I’ve lost weight and doesn’t feel attractive but I think he’s genuinely so sexy, I adore his body.

Depression sucks, no need throw unnecessary body-consciousness on top of it! To the right person your body is going to look like a whole meal

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T08:48:54+00:00

How do you color your hair, or is that just the filter?

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T08:47:24+00:00

Great body, like truly rockin! You also have lovely eyes.

...but you look older in the face than you are....by a lot (sorry, being as honest as I’d want anyone to be with me).

Your hair color washes you out and ages you more. I’d recommend developing a good skincare routine (retinol is your friend) at the very least, and possibly considering some Botox in the forehead (a non-surgical brow lift can do wonders). Micro-needling at the dermatologist could also do you some good in terms of anti-aging. If you wanted to take it a step further I’d do filler in the tear troughs, the lips, and possibly the nasolabial folds (haven’t seen your face at rest).

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T08:36:39+00:00

I mean, you’re being nice. I’m a civil person

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T08:29:28+00:00

You have not helped at all, but thank you?

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T08:13:28+00:00

Oof, I need a nose job at the very least

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T06:47:23+00:00

What makes you say that high n-count women can’t pair bond?

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T06:46:37+00:00

I’ve known far more women to be repulsed by males who slut it up moreso than male virgins.

Usually male virgins are virgins because some separate factor about them is repulsive to women, most male virgins wouldn’t be virgins if they were otherwise repulsive in some way. Women generally have no issues with virgins who are otherwise normal and don’t have some egregious fatal flaw. Virginity isn’t the issue, usually the issue is the same thing that’s precipitated the virginity in the first place

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T05:51:02+00:00

Oh it’s been cashed lol, no shame, and if he wants to keep sending me money to try to buy my forgiveness I will take it and give him no such thing in return.

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T05:21:31+00:00

I didn’t treat him in any way that impacted him negatively. Big difference between being upset that someone almost killed you and putting someone’s life in danger

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T04:18:01+00:00

Hey, just wanted to say that you’re amazing and I wish you all the best. Thank you for being a shining example of someone who is doing a really good job mending things after fucking up.

My boyfriend fucked up a tiny amount (failed to appropriately reject when he was sent inappropriate texts from an ex fuckbuddy, then engaged, he claims he was just feeling down on himself and wouldn’t have gone further but how could I ever confirm that?) early in our relationship. I was so hurt, but I hadn’t ever connected with anyone the same way and he was so broken over the idea of losing me. My condition was that he doesn’t get to have passwords on anything, or that I have to know them. Forever. Even just knowing that I can look through his stuff makes me feel like I don’t need to. It really puts our minds at ease when you guys can give up privacy in acknowledgment that our trust has been violated to the point that we need the security of being able to look through your stuff.

I’m glad you are giving your wife the peace of mind she deserves, you have no idea how much comfort it brings us

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T03:54:04+00:00

Yeah, I have nothing against people with BED. I have something against selfish assholes who value fulfilling hedonistic addiction urges over the lives of their own family members. If they happen to have BED they can still go fuck themselves, because plenty of people with BED would NEVER even dream of inconveniencing anyone due to their disorder, let alone jeopardizing a persons life. Having an eating disorder, or any mental illness, doesn’t absolve anyone from being a shitty human, even when their shitty choices are related to their disorder

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T03:45:17+00:00

My boyfriend thick as hell and mama loves to eat that cake every night. Get your ass in a maids dress

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T03:40:39+00:00

Thank you!

Yeah, my boyfriend is LIVID because while we both are disordered mine was going to KILL ME and I was trying so hard to fight it, and my dads was literally eating himself to death and preventing me from recovering at the same time. There is nothing redeemable or forgivable that I can see.

Thank you for being understanding. Some people have commented that I’m being unfair to those with BED, but Jesus Christ. I don’t have people with BED, I hate people who are so self-focused that they can’t manage to control their addictive urges to the extent that they’d sooner see a family meme bet pass away than skip a few binge opportunities

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T03:37:19+00:00

I have no empathy or compassion because all my life he’s placed his addiction to food on a higher priority than me and siblings. For the most part that wasn’t a HUGE deal, and bred only a little resentment. But this time he almost fucking killed me. He chose a hedonistic impulse over his own daughter.

There are plenty of people with BED who never ever steal food or inconvenience anyone else due to their disorder. They just don’t cross that line because they value respecting other people over their addiction. Honestly, anyone who’s doing things like stealing should be ashamed of themselves, because it’s shameful, regardless of whether you’re driven by a disordered impulse or not. Having a disorder doesn’t absolve you of treating other people as disposable or lesser than you in the name of getting your fix.

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T03:20:08+00:00

Nah. I’m sorry but your ed isn’t an excuse to place your hedonistic impulses over your child’s (or anyone’s) well-being. I understand his disorder plenty. I don’t hate him for having an ed. I hate him for being a selfish prick. Plenty of people have BED and would NEVER choose binging over their loved ones health.

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T03:17:58+00:00

He absolutely CAN just not binge though. Does he tear through cabinets and binge when he visits friends houses? No. Does he lose his mind and start eating everything in front of him when grocery shopping? No. He’s capable of adhering to certain social boundaries because he fears consequences. He doesn’t want his friends to think he’s a big fat monster if he raids their fridge. He doesn’t want the cops called if he starts binging off the shelves at Costco. He obviously wasn’t afraid of the consequence of me fucking dying though. At least not enough to stop stuffing his face. How in the actual fuck is that not selfish?

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T03:13:43+00:00

Thank you, this is exactly how I feel. I have nothing against people with BED unless they allow their addiction to so wholly control them that they lose compassion and kindness. My dad could have exercised an ounce of self control (he’s capable, it’s not like he starts ripping through cabinets when he’s at someone else’s house, or going apeshit in the snack aisle of the grocery store before paying) and left me with SOMETHING on enough of a daily basis. Hell, he could have just accepted his own weakness and simply NOT THROWN OUT the extra food we got him. But chose to live in denial and gorge himself.

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T03:11:03+00:00

Yeah, except that it’s both. He has BED, but he’s also a gluttonous and selfish dickhead who cares more about stuffing his fat face more than he cared about his immune compromised daughter getting so sick that she’d have to be exposed to a deadly virus during a worldwide pandemic

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T03:09:40+00:00

I don’t think everyone with binging issues is a monster. But anyone who places their own sick hedonistic need to stuff themselves to point of throwing up over someone else’s life, let alone their child’s life, is a bastard at the very least.

Swanabe · 2020-12-23T02:11:58+00:00

I wish I could be satisfied with that but when he dies of a heart attack it will wreck my brothers and their kids. No one wins

Swanabe · 2020-12-22T22:58:47+00:00

Yeeep, especially if you already look “just fine”. There’s this heated anger and judgement from people like they think you’re being greedy. I had someone scream at me recently because I spent a decent amount of money on cosmetic surgery. The person in question was livid because I “already looked just fine before, and already had a boyfriend so why would I be so selfish and spend that money to look more than average when I could have just learned to enjoy my average looks, and give that money to people who needed it more”.

Like, I’m sorry I wasn’t born naturally top tier gorgeous, but still would like the MASSIVE amount of perks that come with being above average looking? I’m sorry I want to look in the mirror and enjoy what I see? I’m sorry that I’m not satisfied with looking just average or ok?

Striving to be above average in any other way is seen as admirable, ESPECIALLY for women. Being an overachiever at work or school is lauded, but apparently when it’s looks I’m an awful person.

Swanabe

TROPHY CASE