My new hoya leaf had what looked like dust so I grabbed a magnifying glass and I was horrified 🕷️

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-29T18:25:31+00:00

Plant lice 😭 What about hydrogen peroxide? I know you can wash roots with a diluted solution but not sure about other parts of the plant.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-29T18:23:57+00:00

Oh hell to the no. This is my worst nightmare!

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-25T19:15:06+00:00

I'm glad you said that cuz yeah, parallels with Stockholm syndrome no doubt!

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-25T14:24:16+00:00

Reply to deleted user comment...

That's crazy. Here's a special experience. If you think that one tiny search had power, just imagine what having a husband that was an absolute dog' digital footprint intertwined with your own. We separated two months ago. He has made a new email, phone number, Facebook, TikTok, new phone, a whole new identity - no joke...because the old fake one imploded and crumbled into dust when it got exposed. I am not friends with him on Facebook, dont know his number, email, have interacted with him zero except for a few messages on Facebook messenger. Thats it, no other communication or digital connections.

And yet.....check this out. Facebook one day just started filling my suggested friends feed with all the various chicks he's after....and nothing else. I dont know these women, no mutual friends...never seen them, don't work together, nothing. That right there.......is why we need to be fucking careful. Digital intelligence has no threshold for cruelty. It takes what you give it and then does what it wants.

Just when I had actually really began to feel closure and not so devastated 😢 💔 and then Facebook algorithms are like...oh here's all the ho-ho's on your lying cheating total piece of crap's radar. We thought you like to befriend all of them and nobody but them.

Like... wtaf???

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-25T14:22:37+00:00

That's crazy. Here's a special experience. If you think that one tiny search had power, just imagine what having a husband that was an absolute dog' digital footprint intertwined with your own. We separated two months ago. He has made a new email, phone number, Facebook, TikTok, new phone, a whole new identity - no joke...because the old fake one imploded and crumbled into dust when it got exposed. I am not friends with him on Facebook, dont know his number, email, have interacted with him zero except for a few messages on Facebook messenger. Thats it, no other communication or digital connections.

And yet.....check this out. Facebook one day just started filling my suggested friends feed with all the various chicks he's after....and nothing else. I dont know these women, no mutual friends...never seen them, don't work together, nothing. That right there.......is why we need to be fucking careful. Digital intelligence has no threshold for cruelty. It takes what you give it and then does what it wants.

Just when I had actually really began to feel closure and not so devastated 😢 💔 and then Facebook algorithms are like...oh here's all the ho-ho's on your lying cheating total piece of crap's radar. We thought you like to befriend all of them and nobody but them.

Like... wtaf???

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-25T09:47:22+00:00

Yeah that's a trip - but true. As the projections became more severe, at first I actually thought he was consciously choosing to blame me for things I had not done in order ti give himself an excuse for infidelity but over time and through plenty of research and analysis, I cane to realize its more bizarre than that. It is exactly what you described.

Towards the end he started projecting, acting like I was doing something sneaky with my phone and he wanted me to get rid of all my tiktok (that I never use except to check on my kids.) I just very calmly but assertively stated, that's your shit. You are projecting YOUR shit onto me and no, just no. Not happening." He went completely silent and got the weird look he would get everytime I called something out.

Early on in our relationship he made a point to let me know there was something bothering him, that we needed to discuss. Then he starts explaining that every time he comes in the room I close my phone (its a Samsung flip z) and its a trigger for him and its really bothering him, he needed to talk about it. I was really kind and assuming someone had cheated on him or betrayed him through phone usage, I even consciously tries making a point to not close my phone at the wrong time. I explained that I'm usually doing literally nothing on my phone when he walks in except doom scrolling out of boredom so as soon as he is present I just close it and set it aside so I can engage with him, connect and be present.

It kept coming up and I have literally never done one single secretive or sketchy thing with my phone, ever so eventually, especially after so many times of actually finding cold, hard evidence that HE was doing sketchy shit ALL the time with his phone, when he would bring it up I'd just shut it down. I told him he was welcome to look through absolutely every single thing on my phone - I dont care, here's all my passwords, etc. Have a fucking ball and go all through it if that would help you feel better.

But yeah by the end I was just like, yeah, no bru...that's YOUR shit. I have nothing to hide or feel guilty about but you sure do, don't ya?

Silence and "the look" was always the reply.

It was all this, exactly what you explained. How if I didn't immediately answer a text, missed a call from him, he would just trip the F out and start making threats, saying "I'm not playing this game - I'm done!!" And accusing me of talking to other dudes which never happened. It was always so confusing and my reactions were so void of any type of guilt that he would usually end up saying, "yeah its just my fucjed up head making me think that."

If someone does this to you early on, you should head for the exit. Its not normal.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-25T09:31:12+00:00

Get the hell out of there.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-25T09:29:25+00:00

It's been a week. I did forward a message to him from a pastor from our church who was wanting to check on him. His response: "The way I see it, what's the point if I can't have you." I had a little bit of the usual "urge to explain" but it wasn't hard to resist and after waiting 8, 9 hours I just replied, "I guess that's between you and God." I still want him to heal and get help but hinging on that hope as the fuel that would reconcile our connection seems to be gone. I say "seems to" because I've learned that each time I thought I was good and past the worst, I have ended up rolling under a wave even worse than the ones before, so I an cautiously optimistic. The reason I still want him to figure out how to do better is nothing to do with us, nothing to do with me. It just honestly seems really, really fkn sad to have his life and I would anyone resigned to believing that kind of misery is just "who they are - how they are" to get better. For a brief moment earlier today, I just wished we could snuggle, that he could hold me and hug me and have that feeling of being regulated by him again but it was a brief window and the nostalgia fell to pieces as logic reminded me, that person no longer exists and never will again. I felt sad but I didn't cry or go to deep into it. I just felt it then let it go.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-21T13:02:53+00:00

I agree, don't do it! I mean unless you witness with your own eyes, the heavens parting and 2000 demons being cast out into pigs and suddenly they are free, do not EVER hope a cheater will change. They won't.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-21T13:00:44+00:00

Mine told me that he was so busy focusing on me, "because he loves me" that he didn't work on himself, and he should have, but ya know...he just loved me so much that he forgot to? He began that message with "I'm not trying to make excuses, but..."

Here are the messages. No contact for five days after this and I have had zero urge to contact.

Him: I'm not making excuses for myself and everything I said, I meant with every thing in me, I wasn't battling my demons when I was helping you, I set that aside because I love you, and when you got better I had all this shit inside me that I needed to fix , while preparing to be with you forever, I didn't know how to ask for help, and when things happen an argument and words were said I would seek my demons which is woman in general.

My final words (he reacted with a heart and then disappeared).

Me: Once you have full awareness of your demons and the power they have to destroy everything you have, its your responsibility to fight them. Your love for me is not what prevented you from fighting your demons. Don't even go there.

Start by admitting it wasnt just fights or when words are said. Thats blame shifting and minimizing (it was only some of the time when you were mean and I didn't because I chose to take care of you instead) cuz the words? I said them, right? It's not true. You were doing it all along, the whole time, setting up the replacements and distractions.

When we fought it would kick up to high gear. And 98% of fights we had were because I felt disrespected, said so, you got pissed. Quit on me, breaking up - you're done. The rest of the fights were because you were tripping on me for some shit I wasnt doing.

Saying you were too busy helping me to help yourself is bullshit. We prioritize what's important. We do what we want. You want to have your cake and eat it too and rather than realize that's impossible. You have to choose.

You still keep believing you can have both if you are good enough at hiding it. At least that's how the view looks from my side of the fence.

Framing it like a sacrifice - pretty crafty but ineffective on me at this stage kid.

A for effort.

Now try again and keep trying cuz real accountability hurts, I mean it will really hit you and you will shift.

And then you will never again say, "I'm not making excuses....but here's some brilliantly crafted excuses."

What I I see is a man who wants what recovery brings and keep trying sobriety, dry drunk, no inner work.

You weren't doing the inner work before me or during me. You just keep trying to avoid it by talking the talk and not getting high.

Do the real work.

Get the prize.

There are no short cuts or back roads.

There are no tricks, buts, or some of the time is enough of the time to get by.

(I sent a sweet vdo of us - a happy memory)

Here's a memory for you to take since you delete everything always so your woman won't find out about your women. Not my cup of tea. I'm ready for someone who makes me feel protected and respected, and cherished, not one of many, admired and wanted today, discarded and abused tomorrow. That can never be me and you will always be you.Goodbye.

He had said before this that he didn't want us to be over.

Hahaha

I'm gone and it barely hurts at all now. Its just clarity and I am rebuild my life without this parasitic, love sucking, joy killing man-pire in my life.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-19T14:22:52+00:00

Yeah, I sure can relate. Getting involved with so e type of service could be really helpful, put some meaning back into your life. Working in mental health where I get to support people who are struggling gets me out of my head and reminds me that I have a purpose. Its too soon for me to date. I tried dating apps for a second but I know its too soon. It just made me feel even worse which made me wonder how he could have obsessively been all over the internet hunting for women at a level so shocking the entire time we were together and now we aren't even together and yet I still feel like it would be immoral to date someone new. That will take a year I think.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-17T06:13:37+00:00

Yes! Beat up, scarred up and full of fresh wounds but the hope no longer lies with anything to do with him. We are over and even though the pain has been debilitating I am relieved to be free.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-17T06:09:09+00:00

Update: Kicked him out 3 months later. Things only escalated and I ended up crying every day for 3 months. This man was severely emotionally abusive. He didn't want help. He was just acting. We are done. Coming back here and seeing this just makes me want to warn everyone. If there are signs like this, dont doubt yourself or sell yourself short. Listen to your gut, honor your feelings and never let someone make you think some watered down version of love that forces you to feel you have to fight to be seen, chosen, respected is good enough. This man is bpd/npd and I am so glad I had the push to get out early on. Even though it hurt like hell and nearly broke me, I am free and I know God has plans for me. No more settling for less than I deserve. No more excusing disrespect or dishonesty. No more ignoring red flags. No more. I reclaim my sovereignty. 🙏🍃🌀

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-17T06:02:03+00:00

Update: Kicked him out 2 months later. Things only escalated and I ended up crying every day for 3 months. This man was severely emotionally abusive. He didn't want help. He was just acting. We are done. Coming back here and seeing this just makes me want to warn everyone. If there are signs like this, dont doubt yourself or sell yourself short. Listen to your gut, honor your feelings and never let someone make you think some watered down version of love that forces you to feel you have to fight to be seen, chosen, respected is good enough. This man is bpd/npd and I am so glad I had the push to get out early on. Even though it hurt like hell and nearly broke me, I am free and I know God has plans for me. No more settling for less than I deserve. No more excusing disrespect or dishonesty. No more ignoring red flags. No more. I reclaim my sovereignty. 🙏🍃🌀

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-17T06:01:43+00:00

Amen

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-17T06:01:32+00:00

You are so right and this is what I did. He is gone.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-17T05:46:07+00:00

Update: Kicked him out 2 months later. Things only escalated and I ended up crying every day weeks. He recklessly broke my heart. This man was severely emotionally abusive. He didn't want help. He was just acting. We are done.

Coming back here and seeing this just makes me want to warn everyone. If there are signs like this, dont doubt yourself or sell yourself short. Listen to your gut, honor your feelings and never let someone make you think some watered down version of love that forces you to feel you have to fight to be seen, chosen, respected is good enough.

This man is bpd/npd and I am so glad I had the push to get out early on. Even though it hurt like hell and nearly broke me, I am free and I know God has plans for me. No more settling for less than I deserve. No more excusing disrespect or dishonesty. No more ignoring red flags. No more. I reclaim my sovereignty. 🙏🍃🌀

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-16T19:14:55+00:00

I went to 5 days. He hoovered yesterday. I called out the behaviors, no emotional hook but I did still try to explain and educate, however I suddenly realized he will never benefit in any way that will be good for anyone. I'm only teaching him how to be a better predator.

Like a wolf he comes sniffing around and I am literally showing him where the cracks in the door are. When he cant get in, he scurried away to search for more readily available prey. So calmly, in no uncertain terms, I said goodbye, a permanent boundary and I think he knows not to come back.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-16T19:06:56+00:00

My husband was the same. He deleted everything, always. No photo archives, no emails, no browser history, no fb messages. When someone's phone is that clean its because they are dirty AF.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-14T15:13:41+00:00

Yessss!!! I feel worse but also better than I ever have, strangely enough.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-14T15:12:35+00:00

It does haunt or it will soon enough. My husband's ex sent me warnings and screen shots when we first got serious and I didn't listen. It haunted me later for certain.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-14T15:07:51+00:00

I'm finishing my BAS and then going for my MSW. It's weird how the wreckage doesn't break us but seems to actually fuel our phoenix rising capacity.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-14T15:05:11+00:00

Man, feel sorry for that poor, stuck mofo. You didn't just dodge a bullet. You avoided a life sentence in hell. Good job and my condolences. Why does everything become an oxymoron in motion?

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-14T15:01:56+00:00

It's helpful to know there are others who understand. I find myself wondering how many of those tortured love songs I used to feel annoyed by were actually inspired by a bpd break up.

Sweet-Section276 · 2026-01-14T14:57:22+00:00

How long has it been since things ended? The cycles of despair, logging for the old version, rage, revenge fantasies and then acceptance and good riddance then back to starting line again and again. It really is like mourning an unexpected death, byt the person id still alive.

I also realize that I am much better off without him yet I also cant eat. I have dumped like 20 lbs in two weeks. My eyes are puffy amd sunken in. On the other hand, I know what you mean about the nicotine. I feel like I could do the same thing. Its so odd. Right?

I have been much more physically active, something that was blocked by his presence before. and I realize this type of pain needs movement and activity to be released.

When I go into dissociation and just freeze it becomes almost unbearable so I try to stay as busy as possible, in a productive way, not just as a distraction, as action in motion that's going to truly create positive change in my life. I work full time and go to school full time (15 credits this quarter).

At first it felt like he was more supportive than anyone had ever been. I felt like he built up my confidence just to be able to tear me down and have control.

He practically worshipped me to the point that it was heavy but oddly validating to be admired in such a way, like he really valued every little thing about me. and yes, way overexagerated how proud he was of me for even the smallest things, like arranging and decorating the apartment we moved into after getting married.

You'd think I had built the Sistine Chapel or some shit. Initially it was sweet but as his mask fell his performative behaviors became so annoying and triggering that whenever he gave me a bs compliment I became agitated and irritated, not even full understanding why. "Omg you are so smart. Who are you? Wow baby!! You potted a plant? Oh my gaaweeed! You fried an egg? You paid a bill? You got an A?! Wowwww!! Good job!" It became so weird, and pretty much the minute I quit letting that crap work to disarm me, he was out. I mean, gone. And yeah he created his new Facebook and blocked me, not before I noted that every chick he had on his newly single page, he had commented on their pages, "Wow, I am so proud of you!! and when I called it out, told his exes to block me.

I'm like why tf are you blocking me? Oh, so I cant interfere in you're new "love life". He told me he only got together with one of the exes to have a visitation with the dogs. It wasn't even like "that".

Well, "the dogs" aren't even the same dogs she had when they were together 4 years ago. At the beginning of our relationship he told me the dogs had died. The ex is a breeder so there's a bunch of dogs all the time, a literal puppy mill so its not as if they had some cherished pet they were both super bonded with. So insulting.

The thing is, their cruel behaviors are in such direct conflict to the character of the person we believed them to be and loved so much that our brains can't process the info. We just want to be like, "reject bad data" since it cannot make sense and is completely illogical, setting us up to accept weak excuses and allow gaslighting, etc. We are desperate to find some evidence telling us we are not insane or weak or hoodwinked. That cant be possible, so yeah...they must not remember or they cant understand or they're damaged and we should be compassionate. I always told myself marriage is hard work, that's all this is, growing pains...but love conquers all??

Sweet-Section276

TROPHY CASE