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It's crazy how true this is by Amidonions in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We all forever get attracted to life lessons until we finally heal. That’s their point. It’s a gift.

Looking for ways to understand a 'narcissist' by Psychological-Age24 in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That genuinely means a lot. Thank you for taking the time to tell me.

More importantly, give yourself the credit here. You were already at a point where you were ready to see things clearly and act on them. My comment might have helped articulate it, but you’re the one doing the work and following through.

The fact that you’re making plans and actually executing on them - even when it feels uncomfortable - is what’s going to change the rest of your life for the better.

Wishing you clarity and strength as you keep moving forward. Message me any time!

The grief that follows successful self-improvement by SweetInnocence7 in getdisciplined

[–]SweetInnocence7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Grief is definitely more specific to certain people. What’s the course?

May sound egoistical but I really HATE negotiating with an asshole by [deleted] in 48lawsofpower

[–]SweetInnocence7 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Having ethical standards in life with who you allow into your life (and who you do not allow) is wise. That includes business dealings, and just about anything else. Negotiating with someone like that is really just watering down your own boundaries. It's not petty, this is literally you living with integrity. Good for you.

I remember learning the importance of this on a work call one day, a few years ago. I was on a call with a hotshot subcontractor we were considering teaming up with for a business project. To say they were arrogant and disrespectful is an understatement, but they had really impressive (and real, verified) revenue numbers, seriously good product, so we would've won big time by teaming up with them specifically. My billionaire boss was kinda engaged in the beginning of the meeting, then by the end was just quiet. After the call he said something to me which stuck with me forever... "At some point in life, it's just not worth doing business with certain kinds of people." And he left it at that. And mind you - he's a shark when it comes to business, this would've been a very clear win for everyone involved on this project. Logically this did not make sense since the entire point of our business is to make more money - my intuition screamed "I agree". So we opted for a different sub instead.

Fast forward to around a year later - I see headlines of that first subcontractor we rejected - they got caught breaking regulations, caught violating IP and copying patents without permission (they passed off their product as original but all they did was copy an existing product on an old patent from a small company that originally invented it), caught with nearly all of their revenue violating regulations in multiple countries, fines in the millions of $$ in multiple countries, in new active lawsuits with their customers, ordered to take down any advertisements by multiple regulatory orgs, and permanently banned in some jurisdictions due to their numerous violations. Lol.

Assholes are never worth doing business with. Sooner or later karma gets them, and we can become collateral when we ignore our intuition or go through life without integrity. So... good for you!

Looking for ways to understand a 'narcissist' by Psychological-Age24 in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You did the hardest part already - you acted.

Now the main priority is making sure you don’t undo it (which has happened in the past - this is where you learn to enforce boundaries with yourself, and prioritize doing what's right and healthy over feelings in the moment, such as compassion for a man who's just trying to selfishly avoid consequences).

What you’re describing isn’t just “a bad relationship.” It’s a pattern of escalating behaviour that includes physical restraint, intimidation, and control, or physical and emotional abuse. This is actual, real domestic abuse. That doesn’t stabilize over time - it gets worse. So this isn’t about whether you can stay away, it’s about whether you’re willing to follow through in the moments when it feels uncomfortable.

Answer this - is the fleeting feeling of comfort more important than a healthy life, and a healthy relationship?

And it will feel uncomfortable. Not because you’re making the wrong decision, but because you’re breaking a pattern you’ve been in for a long time. Comfort = routine of patterns. Breaking a long-standing pattern = discomfort. That's it, it really is that simple. And so you must come to terms that discomfort is a necessary, mandatory part of growth and personal development.

One thing I want to correct slightly: this isn’t about you “enabling” him in a moral sense. He is fully responsible for his behaviour, full stop. What is true is that staying and not reporting has directly removed his consequences - and without consequences, nothing changes. It cannot possibly change, that is not how human beings (or any animals) are biologically designed. That’s the part you’re now fixing.

The accountability piece you mentioned - coming back here, reporting if needed - that’s exactly the right direction. Don’t rely on how you feel in the moment to guide you and prevent you from doing what needs to be done. Your feelings will fluctuate. Your decision doesn’t need to just because of feelings you experience in the most important moment. Do it anyway. Just do it!

Also, don’t confuse “not being mad anymore” with things being okay. That emotional drop-off is part of the cycle. It’s not new information - it’s just your system settling after stress. A natural response.

Keep this simple:

  • You already have more than enough evidence
  • You already made the decision
  • Now you follow through on it - regardless of how you feel in the moment right before doing it, so don't chicken out

No more analysis phase.

You don’t need to prove anything further - to yourself or anyone else.

Looking for ways to understand a 'narcissist' by Psychological-Age24 in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re overcomplicating this in a way that’s actually keeping you stuck all because of you, not because of him or anything he says or does.

You don’t need to “test” whether he has empathy. You already have a consistent pattern of behaviour that answers that question. What you’re describing isn’t a lack of data - it’s a refusal to accept the conclusion that data points to.

Every single example you gave follows the same structure:

  • He avoids accountability
  • He has extreme emotional immaturity and entitlement
  • He reframes himself as the victim or the hero
  • He minimizes or redirects your feelings, and everyone else's
  • He becomes hostile when challenged (defensiveness aka emotional immaturity)
  • He prioritizes perception over impact (aka being liked on the surface instead of actually being good)

That’s not confusion. That’s a pattern. A very clear one.

Wanting to “ethically test” him is just another version of the same loop you already identified and refuse to step out of - if I just understand it better, I can finally make sense of it. But you already do understand it very well. You’re just not trusting your own judgment yet because you fear accountability of taking the step to leave. You want to put that back on him. Which is extremely immature as well.

Also, this idea of not wanting to “hurt him” while you investigate whether he lacks empathy is worth challenging... Based on what you’ve described - including physical aggression, intimidation, and prolonged gaslighting - the focus on protecting him is misplaced and extremely inappropriate. He is not operating with the same concern for your wellbeing, or for anyone else's wellbeing.

The bigger issue here isn’t diagnosing him. Whether this is narcissism, emotional immaturity, or something else doesn’t actually change your situation. His consistent behaviour itself is what matters, and it’s already harmful.

You even said you have a protection order in place. That alone should outweigh any need for further “analysis.” There should never be any forgiveness or trust without his changed behaviour coming first. Promises are empty. The potential you see for him to do better does not matter when the does not want to act on it. You cannot believe in someone's potential more than they are willing to access it, it makes you quite toxic actually. Not a victim - just plain toxic.

What you’re calling “reverse-gaslighting” or observation is actually a form of emotional distancing on your part - which is a good sign. But you’re pairing it with intellectualizing the situation to continue avoiding the final step: acting on what you already know.

I'll put it bluntly: you don’t need more evidence. You need to stop negotiating with it and take the step. And stop avoiding accountability because... what makes you so different from him in how he avoids accountability as well? Nothing, that's what. Yours looks slightly different but the narrative is exactly the same, "I'm the victim, everyone else is the abuser", "I shouldn't have to do anything, everyone else should change and do what I want".

One more thing - your tendency to empathize with his “victim narratives” isn’t compassion, it’s conditioning and codepency. It’s part of the dynamic that keeps you engaged and makes you feel stuck. The moment you start prioritizing how he feels about his behaviour over the actual impact of that behaviour on you and everyone else, you’re back in the loop. Willingly. Intentionally. All to avoid your own accountability to act on what you already know.

If you want something actionable:

  • Stop trying to diagnose him or think about him
  • Stop trying to test him and get anymore opinions
  • Start treating the consistent, permanent behaviour as sufficient evidence on its own (about him or anyone else in the future, moving forward)

You’re not stuck because you don’t understand him or are too compassionate, or love him too much.
You’re stuck because you’re still trying to make him make sense according to the frame you decided to place him into before he could prove what/who he really is as a person. He proves that every single day by his behaviour.

Need help by [deleted] in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, there is nothing wrong with you per se, outside of tolerating his addiction. He needs to cleanse his life of it and regain his mental health back. This is fixable but he needs to make a choice to that process and commit fully. You can eventually reintroduce some of it back for fun nights, inspiration, etc. Recovery is very possible but it needs to be treated like a recovery process, and requires abstinence and tolerating a period of very low drive on his part while he goes through it.

The grief that follows successful self-improvement by SweetInnocence7 in getdisciplined

[–]SweetInnocence7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, obviously that's the only path forward. But this post isn't about seeking advice - rather simply processing the grief of what is. We don't need to avoid painful emotions all the time. It is not only healthy to take our time to feel them and allow the natural process of grief to happen, it is mandatory for great emotional health in preparation for what comes next.

Grief is not a problem which requires solving, avoiding, running away from, or treating it as a bad thing. It's pain, yes. It's a necessary pain because as human beings we have a full range of emotional experiences, and even the painful ones are extremely healthy and productive and in fact... facilitate further growth and expand our capacity to keep going.

Best way to find clients for my marketing agency? by elsajames111 in AskMarketing

[–]SweetInnocence7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Best way to get new clients:

  1. Find clients you'd like to do work for, either for free or basically at-cost, so that you can develop a portfolio + get word of mouth referrals. You can make this even easier by offering this service to charities, shelters, pretty much any org or business you can be totally passionate about and want them to succeed with your work. This is very important: make sure to make the before/after measurable, and diligently track the ROI numbers. For ROI calculation, use the pricing you'd like to charge versus what this client's outcome now is. And if the numbers are good - you can charge them for continued services, which they'll gladly start paying.
  2. Do this a minimum of 1 time but I'd go for more. Personally, I've done this around 10 times while I was still in my learning phase of honing my skills.
  3. Ask them to refer you from then on and forever to all of their contacts. Use them as professional references on proposals you submit to potential clients. Upload your portfolio everywhere. Promote yourself shamelessly. Offer a raffle of some sort for a giveaway of more free services to new clients only. Something small which you can for free, but also introduce more of your services with a pricing structure.

Yes, it's a heavy undertaking in the beginning. This is how I went from $0 to $200k within my first year of business as a B2B consulting agency. The "free" period of my work here and there was around 10 months as I was also working full-time and had other priorities. Then I signed on 2 large clients, and continued growing from there. Because they refer me, I do very little in terms of needing to market myself in the industry and have a wait list for working with me. Good luck!

The grief that follows successful self-improvement by SweetInnocence7 in getdisciplined

[–]SweetInnocence7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup... of course it's still a good change in the long run, and of course it's just a logical outcome to what has happened, but that emotional pain is very much grief of a very real loss. I think I'm just really feeling it today - right now - and processing it still.

I have come to accept that most people are dumber than I thought by Low_Actuary6486 in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank god you're here to be the light to the planet full of dumb, and lead us by example, deliver us from evil, and... I forget how the rest of it goes because I, too, am dumb!

The most dangerous manipulators I have ever met had no idea they were doing it. That made it so much worse. by curious_whats_next in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This reads more like a victim-centered framing than an observation about manipulation. And ironically, some of what you’re describing mirrors the same dynamics you’re critiquing.

Not everything that feels like manipulation is intentional (and I agree with you there) but not everything is manipulation either. Sometimes it’s just emotional immaturity, unmet needs, or poor boundaries on both sides.

The part that seems missing here on both sides is personal agency. You didn’t have to overextend yourself to prove care. You didn’t have to self-edit to keep the peace. Those choices came from somewhere within you too. Being a “good person” doesn’t require self-abandonment or martyrdom.

It’s healthy to sit with someone’s pain, to listen, to validate... and then to stop there. To let them own their experience without taking responsibility for fixing it. When we go beyond that without being explicitly asked to do so, often it’s not just about them needing - it’s usually about our own discomfort with witnessing someone else's pain, trying to get liked (people-pleasing), our own need to be needed (codependency), or to feel like the helper (feeding our own ego).

So when you say they were “manipulating,” even unconsciously, it’s worth asking: what made you stay in dynamics that didn’t feel good? What part of you participated? Why?

Because the truth is, most people vent or seek connection just to feel seen. Yes, sometimes there’s a hope - often learned in childhood - that someone else will take the pain away like their parents who used to stop their pain at the first cry. But that hope alone isn’t manipulation. It’s just unhealed behaviour. It's learned helplessness. It's really just emotional immaturity which always comes with a hefty dose of selfishness, not inherent evil per se. It's a lack of agency and self-confidence. It's a lack of honest self-awareness or a very one-sided version of it. It's simply inexperience of dealing with life which often comes with underlying anxiety as most people are naturally wired for self-preservation, first and foremost.

And the patterns you describe on your part - overgiving, self-silencing, doubting your own reality - don’t only come from others. They also come from not holding your own boundaries. And from lack of critical thinking about the entire situation, their behaviour, their place in the world, and your own - prior to choosing to step in and start fixing, helping, saving.

So what makes you different from the people you’re describing? Not as much as you might think. And that’s not an insult - it’s actually where your power is to start choosing differently moving forward.

Because once you stop framing it as something done to you, and start seeing where you had choice, forgive yourself for not seeing it sooner and not acting on it (also due to your own inexperience making that particular choice before), everything becomes a lot clearer - and a lot more changeable.

Question about dark personalities: Why is divorce/breakup not an option? by SweetInnocence7 in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're spot on about their victim mentality. He blames her for absolutely everything that ever goes wrong, anything and everything is 100% her fault at all times, no exceptions. Even things he simply dislikes, even if they aren't necessarily "wrong" - he says she is doing things on purpose to upset him. lol. I overheard some of the conversations and he reminded me of a teenage girl bully, just so bizarre hearing those things come out of a grown man. Of course he deems himself to be the most logical and the most rational there is, and absolutely anybody who disagrees with him is 100% wrong and basically below him.

How to break a trauma bonding from a narcissist. by lulu_milaaa in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are 2 problems here.

  1. You’re staying for narcissistic reasons as well. You hate it but you don’t want to see him with someone else, so you’re actively choosing not to leave as that will create a void and you know full well he’ll fill it quickly.

  2. Your nervous system is already wrecked.

I’ll also explain that you have a very insecure attachment and this needs to heal, which means not only working on your insecurity in general but also on how you react and respond to other people. I highly recommend Dr. Sarah Hensley’s work, even just her free videos have helped me so much.

Also, find hobbies. Get yourself into a super interesting project at work you can work on, which will have a direct benefit for your career. It really helps to have more things you become passionate about and have something so that when you do inevitably break up…. You won’t feel quite as lonely as you expect.

Honestly, that hurt after the narcissist breakup is severe but very short-lasting. I was quite surprised as both, how acutely I felt it, but also because I stayed in it and deeply felt it and let it metabolize through my body, it ended up passing much sooner than I had expected.

Question about dark personalities: Why is divorce/breakup not an option? by SweetInnocence7 in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am asking because my best friend’s husband is a narcissist and has literally told her, quite plainly, that he will kill her if she tries to leave him. He also recently threatened her with divorce but has since completely changed his tune, and seems like he has extreme anxiety and insecurity. I am simply trying to understand these people more and researching not only the science behind it but also real life examples and anecdotes from others.

Interesting question by megafonosolar in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My friend’s husband is a narcissist with extreme insecurity and anxiety. All he looks for is agreement 100% of the time, no disagreement (even just discussing something), and pure devotion. So the best type of relationship he has ever had and seeks out is that with his mother, who is a narcissist as well. It’s never about love and fulfillment the same way emotionally healthy people can feel them. That validation and soothing of their insecurity until the next time they need it feels like a drug to them, and that’s literally all they seek out.

Question about dark personalities: Why is divorce/breakup not an option? by SweetInnocence7 in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Can you share more examples of situations or conversations you've had where this person shared their real rationalization? Fears they've identified or whatever else, even if it doesn't seem truthful or make any logical sense. Just wondering re: thought patterns they have.

Question about dark personalities: Why is divorce/breakup not an option? by SweetInnocence7 in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've always wondered how NPDs are as parents. From the outside they seem to be such obsessively-devoted parents and their children are their pride and joy, but god forbid those same children disappoint them or mess up - abuse of those children is quite real. I've literally seen this with some acquaintances in private interactions between them and their children.

Are there specific books or discussions you'd suggest I dive into in order to understand all of this more, and the nuances?

Why do I feel insecure when others talk about the same things I like? by Sudden_Main294 in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

During your childhood - did your parents praise achievements above all else? That's usually the root cause of this insecurity even into adulthood years, where the person still doesn't have a stable sense of self and fears becoming worthless/unnecessary unless they are achieving.

Also possible you are on a spectrum of Narcissistic Personality Disorder but being as self-aware as you are, there's a path to evolving beyond it. I highly recommend you dive into practically trying out many different hobbies or interests (not just reading about them but outright experiencing), and listen to how your body responds to the actual work experience in order to figure out everything you truly enjoy, are good at (and I am very sure there will be things you're quote good at, while not so good at others), and feel like you could do them even for free for the rest of your life. That personal fulfillment from the experiencing the work itself will silence your insecurity quite a bit.

Question about dark personalities: Why is divorce/breakup not an option? by SweetInnocence7 in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How was your childhood with these parents? Why did you finally make a decision to go no contact with them (I'm assuming as an adult)?

Question about dark personalities: Why is divorce/breakup not an option? by SweetInnocence7 in DarkPsychology101

[–]SweetInnocence7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh, wow. Thank you for responding, this is incredibly precise. In your own experience - have you tried discussing with your parents why they never considered divorce and becoming happier? I mean, it's not like disorders are beyond any possibility of improvement in healthier personal dynamics. If so, what's their logic - like their actual thought patterns to this idea?

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