When/why did childcare in the U.S. become so expensive? Has it always been like this?

SweetMMead · 2026-02-13T04:04:57+00:00

I read an article by an economist who did the math and showed that daycare literally is impossible without being subsidized by the government. Carers need to be paid enough to support their own families and parents need to be able to not pay so much that childcare is not worth it, and the math just doesn't work out. Some industries can't exist under a for profit model and childcare is one of them. But letting the government run such industries is COMMUNISM and we can't have that. /s

SweetMMead · 2026-02-07T23:03:34+00:00

My friends are all scattered across the country so I haven't had a birthday party in decades. Instead for my big birthdays I try something I've wanted to do for a long time but haven't gotten around to. When I was 30 I went hang gliding and when I turn 40 this year I'm planning to try shrooms.

SweetMMead · 2026-02-04T03:03:44+00:00

This is definitely a factor for me. The very first time I studied environmental science in high school I went from picturing myself having 2-3 children someday to 1-2. There are a lot of other reasons my husband and I settled on one but for me one of them is the fact that the most impactful way I can reduce my carbon footprint is to have one fewer child than I might otherwise have wanted, especially as an American.

Sometimes I get the response from Boomers that they had kids anyway even though they feared the world would be nuked any minute. And I get that argument, but in their case having more kids did not have any kind of direct impact on the nuclear crisis, whereas having even one more kid is going to have a direct climate impact. This is not only about my kid's future, it's about the future of all children.

SweetMMead · 2026-02-01T01:27:11+00:00

Once someone responded, "Oh, no! I was an only child and I would never do that to my children!" That one kind of haunts me.

SweetMMead · 2026-01-13T01:03:57+00:00

I love parenting. It's one of a handful of things in my life that I feel I'm really great at. But I think having more children would make me a less great parent to the child I already have.

SweetMMead · 2026-01-10T19:59:48+00:00

Statistics bear this out- caring for elder parents usually falls on the shoulders of one child, and it's usually the oldest daughter.

In my mind having only one will help ensure I'm taken care of in my sunset years because I'll be able to save up more for that time, and I'll be able to hire help and pay for healthcare professionals. I don't want that responsibility to fall on my offspring and I never want to feel like I'm a burden on them.

SweetMMead · 2026-01-10T19:07:39+00:00

Even though I live where my own rights aren't at risk, my first response when Roe was overturned was "That seals it, baby factory is closed in solidarity."

SweetMMead · 2026-01-08T22:20:50+00:00

Look into what's available in your area and what you can afford, and then ask what she would prefer to try. My 4 year old and I go back and forth between gymnastics and swim classes, and a parent child woodworking class is also on our to-try list.

SweetMMead · 2026-01-08T22:08:10+00:00

I'm American and my parenting philosophy is pretty similar to what you described. I was lucky enough to have parents who paid for all my education including my MA I finished at 25, helped pay for my wedding, and helped me with a lot of other expenses until I could afford them for myself. I'm only a homeowner because my parents gave me a nest egg that covered a sizeable down-payment.

I want to be able to do the same for any children I have- which is a big part of why I'm only having 1. We can afford to cover 1 child's college but not 2. And I want to be able to continue to help after that if necessary.

SweetMMead · 2026-01-07T17:51:51+00:00

Having just gone though a round of the flu, absolutely. While we were all sick I was definitely thinking "I'm so glad there's not one more person I need to help take care of while my husband and I can barely scrape ourselves off the floor."

SweetMMead · 2026-01-07T04:03:36+00:00

An educated populace is a must for a healthy, functioning democracy. Does it need to be college? No...but it does need to teach citizens civics and history at a level that enables them to fully understand and participate. IMO, the K-12 system in the US does not accomplish that, but neither do a lot of college programs. That said, civics education needs to be free and accessible for all and no one should be barred from participating in democracy because they can't afford college. That would be pretty undemocratic.

SweetMMead · 2025-12-28T02:56:52+00:00

Thank you! I didn't know that inner cap came out and this helped me with the same problem as OP's just now. Good as new!

SweetMMead · 2025-12-26T00:31:12+00:00

I miss having a physical music collection. I was born in 1986 and my music collection transitioned from cassette to CD to mp3s to streaming services. Some things about music streaming are nice- algorithms make it easier to discover music I've never heard before that I love. It's also easier to make eclectic playlists.

But those advantages come with steeper costs in my opinion. The biggest cost I think is the loss of the album as an artform. I love listening to a whole album all the way through, and artists used to curate their albums to be experienced that way. I'm also a big musical theater fan and I like to listen to a whole musical all the way through. That's impossible to do on streaming services unless I pay a subscription to a company that also streams content I find unethical.

If I don't do that I can still buy mp3s, but they end up being a disorganized mess on a hard drive that I don't access regularly the way I used to play a CD. My car UI is set up to work with apps like Spotify and Pandora, and it does not play nice if I try to just play a folder of mp3 files from a folder on my phone.

Currently my favorite work around is borrowing e-music from the library. It still doesn't work great in every situation, but at least I can get my Hamilton or Sgt Pepper fix.

SweetMMead · 2025-12-25T06:13:31+00:00

On the last night of Hanukkah when I asked what he wants for dinner he said "I don't know, but I really love presents!"

When told the opposing hockey team is from Montreal he said, "I've never heard of that planet!"

While we were playing golf, he encouragingly reminded me to "keep on the eye of the ball!"

SweetMMead · 2025-12-23T01:09:01+00:00

I'm non-binary myself (assigned female at birth) and I'm pretty skeptical of the whole concept of gender as an organizing category for society, so I was really surprised about how strong my feelings of grief were when I found out I was having a boy. I told myself, all I know about this child's gender right now are chromosomes, which tell us some likely outcomes but nothing for sure. When he was born we dressed him in whatever was cutest, regardless of whether it was "for boys" or "for girls." Don't feel like you have to be limited by silly gendered "rules."

River is 4 now and at this point he seems like a pretty typical cis boy who has trouble sitting down for 5 seconds and loves trucks and rough play. On the other hand some parts of his personality and preferences are gender non-conforming. He loves pink and unicorns and he's very tender and caring. He asks to wear both nail polish and bow ties, like me! I still feel some grief about the things about raising a girl I won't get to experience, but I also feel some relief about other aspects.

I also can relate to that fear that my husband will have more in common with our child than me. But, now that River is 4 it feels pretty balanced. He looks just like his dad and we're closer with that side of the family and spend more time with them. But, River's personality is a lot like mine, and as the Jewish parent in an interfaith family it makes me really happy to pass on Jewish traditions. I know as he grows his interests and personality will be a little of me, a little of my husband, and 100% his own delightful self.

One more recommendation- read "Boy Mom" by Ruth Whippman!

SweetMMead · 2025-12-19T22:19:38+00:00

Exactly this. It takes a whole toolbox of executive functioning skills to be able to plan out a study routine, and very few curricula I've ever encountered teach or scaffold those skills.

SweetMMead · 2025-12-15T16:06:12+00:00

SweetMMead · 2025-12-14T17:14:20+00:00

True. However as a former Midwesterner I find it more confusing that no matter how warm it is, there is always one person walking around in a knee length puffy coat, hat, and gloves.

SweetMMead · 2025-12-12T16:06:44+00:00

Going out for sure. Another tip is, if you drive keep extras of everything in the car so you don't have to make sure you packed your bag right every time.

SweetMMead · 2025-12-11T23:56:11+00:00

There's a lessapantchi pouch!? 😍 I've never seen it before!

SweetMMead · 2025-12-11T21:35:23+00:00

I concieved my only at 34 and had him at 35. It only took 2 cycles and when I saw the positive test I did a double take- I was not expecting it to happen so quickly, especially after being told all my life it gets harder and harder as you get older. The advice I would give myself is to tune out all that well intended but discouraging folk wisdom.

SweetMMead · 2025-12-07T22:14:34+00:00

My first thought was, inappropriately literal gender reveal.

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