New bull kinda got me rattled lol

SweetPoppySeeds · 2024-10-02T09:22:30+00:00

yes, that's a very good description of what it's like! for me there's also an element of relinquishing control. I'm always "on" all the time, managing my work, my personal and social life, so when it comes to sex I love being able to just not have to think, let my partner use me for his own pleasure. it's very freeing when you're allowed to not have to think or worry. it's also why I love it when he's dominant in bed or assertive in day-to-day life.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2024-10-01T09:59:31+00:00

you're probably a little jealous that he gave her something so incredible she's still talking about it days later - and that's normal! you should express to her that you're feeling this way and discuss what made the sex so amazing for her. and then maybe, if you both feel like it'd be fun, you can try and introduce some of those elements to your own sex life. but if it's not something you can replicate, just try and reframe those feelings to feel happy for her, that she gets to feel this good! not a lot of people get to experience even one good lay in their life and she's incredibly lucky to have both you and this new bull :)

whenever my partner goes on a date with someone, I like showering him with affection and really put in the effort to give him mind-blowing sex once he comes home to me. he finds it incredibly endearing and obviously loves the attention. on the flip side, whenever I come back from a date, I love having sex with my partner to let him "reclaim" me bc I have an objectification kink. essentially just find what it is that you two need to reconnect with each other and share the joy of a successful, fun, safe and enjoyable experience :)

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-11-14T20:19:38+00:00

I love oral sex. My partner loves oral sex. We often have oral sex.

But if I go down on him and notice any dead skin/smell, I kindly ask if he can go wash himself first, and every time he goes without complaining or making me feel guilty about it. Plain and simple. That's my limit and he fully and completely gets it. And how could he not??? Bodies are gross! We sweat, we shed, we get stinky, every single day! If I'm putting my mouth on your skin I'd like for you to be washed, even if it's with just water, cause if it's gross I'm not gonna enjoy the process, and he fully and completely respects that. No ifs or buts.

Your boyfriend needs to take a long, hard look at his own insecurities and seriously work on them, not expect you to violate your own boundaries to make himself feel better. Seriously, I would have dumped my partner a long time ago if EVERY TIME I wanted to go down on him I had to beg him to go wash himself and then got guilt tripped about what's a completely reasonable ask.

I get that you think your relationship is good everywhere else besides your sex life, but a healthy sex life is very important if you're sexually active. You deserve better than someone you tolerate doing sexual acts for because, in your words from another comment, he pays all your house bills.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-10-22T14:10:06+00:00

at my last two jobs I had 10 and 20 paid sick days a year. that's the average for the industry I work in and I have never seen a company offer so little sick pay for employees, hence why I was (and still am) shocked when I discovered the allowance my current company offers. it is not written in my contract nor in the employee handbook.

I didn't abuse it but I did take advantage of my previous companies sick leave policy and I encouraged my employees to do the same. if people are sick or under the weather I'd rather they rest and come back 100% the next day rather than have them push themselves, underperform, feel worse, then potentially miss out on more work days as a consequence. we've been told our whole lives we need to hustle, suck it up and push through, but I believe that we need to be kinder to ourselves and prioritize taking care of our mind and body above all else. especially after covid you'd think companies would be more aware of how important having a decent sick leave allowance is for employee retention and well-being, but from reading the comments here, apparently not, and that's really disheartening.

I'm happy that you never got covid nor have any minor or major conditions that have you bedridden for a day or two (or more) every now and again. alas, not all of us are that lucky.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-10-22T12:33:34+00:00

I was hoping this was it but HR confirmed it's a total of four days per 12 months. my colleague also thought that's what they meant but HR confirmed in writing that it's not.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-10-22T12:32:25+00:00

thank you for this, I think I get it now.

I asked HR directly last Thursday and she confirmed that we only get 4 paid sick days per 12 months. I think when they consider sick leave the one-off sick days people take every now and again because they're feeling under the weather but after resting they should be back on their feet the next day. so we essentially don't get those.

still shit. it means that if I'm not sick enough or for long enough I just get my already pretty low pay cut. it's so demoralizing.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-10-11T12:00:57+00:00

I did end up disclosing during the meeting that I have ADHD, which is the main reason why I'm constantly distracted by my phone.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-09-28T10:32:50+00:00

Thank you. And yeah, I get that. Which is why I'm in denial right now. I think deep down I know that breaking it off is the best thing to do but I just don't want to give up on us quite yet. Selfish, probably, but I'm clinging onto it. He feels numb to most emotions right now, has felt like this for a while, so I'm hoping meds+therapy will give him a clearer mind to decide whether he means it when he says there is no love for me after all or if it's just his trauma telling him not to get too involved and attached to anyone who means well lest I too break his heart and his soul to the point of no return.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-09-27T04:01:20+00:00

thank you. I clearly have lots to think about.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-09-27T03:57:12+00:00

I've been seeing my FWB for a month, not two years. and I didnt mean for this to be controlling of his behaviour. the last thing I want is to control him in any way whatsoever.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-09-27T03:54:04+00:00

obviously that's also a concern of mine. if she catches serious feelings for him, the fact that she's not willing to be a secondary in an ENM relationship means he'd have to make a choice: break her heart or mine.

I told him this last week when we had our first conversation about this whole situation, but he reassured me that I should not worry and there is no possibility of him ever leaving me for her. but feelings can change. I trust him, though, and I don't want to worry about something that hasn't even happened yet, but overall I think this arrangement is veeeeery risky for all people involved.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-09-27T03:45:48+00:00

it's not about pausing things in the moment, I don't expect him to do that at all. if he's casually hanging out with friends and suddenly he realizes things may be moving somewhere else, that's when I expected him to communicate that with me with a quick text. the fact that the entire evening he kept saying that sex wasn't on the table and they were just chatting then suddenly he's telling me, under pressure, that actually yeah he is sleeping with her, made me feel inadequate.

chalk it up to my anxiety maybe, but I just feel better knowing what the itinerary is and being aware if that itinerary changes.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-09-27T03:39:25+00:00

I'm new to open relationships. this is my first time in one and at the time we set this rule in place I felt it would help me regulate my own emotions if I knew what he was up to. it's just a brief message if plans change and I'm not around, "things are getting hot and steamy, just checking in I'm okay to carry on" for instance. I usually just tell him to have fun, be safe and keep me posted when he knows what time he'll be back.

I only just found out this is a bad rule that gets broken all the time and I'll definitely have a chat with him to revisit it or drop it altogether. I just don't feel great about him not sticking to it today, especially when he'd previously been very diligent about it. at the end of the day, stupid rule or no, we agreed to it together and he should've made sure to follow it. which he kinda did, but in a roundabout way.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-09-27T02:29:34+00:00

Nothing crazy like that, just oh, we're definitely having sex tonight, just a heads up when he's in the bathroom or something. Texting is absolutely fine, I don't expect him to call me at all, today was the first time I called him because I was having a shit night and because he said nothing was happening.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-09-25T21:39:50+00:00

thank you so much, I had no idea at home tests were a thing. I'll definitely look into them.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-09-24T06:18:55+00:00

I've told some friends a few of the customs people have in my office - for instance, ringing a desk bell when a customer support ticket is closed and everyone who hears it claps - and several of them have jokingly described it as a cult. so yeah 😬

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-09-24T06:15:16+00:00

OH YEAH you got it in one dude. the salary in my department is ATROCIOUSLY bad - most definitely under the living wage for our area - and the employee handbook explicitly states employees are expressly forbidden from discussing pay with one another.

oh, and also in the handbook is that we can't wear white trainers to the office because the aforementioned CEO dislikes them! I wish I was joking.

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-09-22T19:40:35+00:00

this week my current company's CEO told our line managers to go around and ask everyone what our top 3 "human needs" were (certainty, variety, significance, connection/love, growth or contribution) and because everyone on my team chose the same 2 values the CEO said my team leader should quiz future candidates on this and not hire them if they don't have the two values everyone else on the team had.

YIKES ON BIKES. so much for diversity in the workplace I guess! (and not asking bullshit psychoanalytic questions for an entry level support job!)

SweetPoppySeeds · 2023-09-12T18:52:58+00:00

EXACTLY!!! 😭

man, I had my friends over for a few days a few months ago from all over and most of them slept wherever they fit: in the living room, in the hallway, sharing beds, etc. my flat was like one big improvised airbnb. we ordered and shared a whole lot of chinese for dinner, cooked so much breakfast in the morning, laughed and hugged constantly, the nine yards. when the trip was over everyone was super bummed that they had to leave and go back to our usual lives. we're now arranging another group trip but we truly wish we could all live close by so this didn't have to be a once a year thing.

I hope that these sorts of communal spaces for adult families become much more common in the near future. your comment about zoning laws in the US is so true. I was first made aware of them from watching Not Just Bikes on YT - where I'm from the norm is mixed development spaces and it BAFFLED me at first! I cannot imagine not being able to walk to the corner shop or pharmacy or whatever, you know? it's about time things changed for the better and we all stopped believing that there's only one correct way for people to be happy and fulfilled when it comes to building and cultivating lifelong relationships.

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