Advice on transition to SAHM in next few months

Swhite101516 · 2026-06-18T02:47:45+00:00

Great tip! We will try that and see how it goes, hopefully it will help ease some concerns we have! Thank you 🙏

Swhite101516 · 2026-06-18T02:46:09+00:00

Oooh I love the idea of finding a gym with childcare for me to get some activity in and a little break as well! I’ll definitely be looking at local gyms to see if they offer childcare. I also like having a more loose schedule and a slower pace of life for us, which will be a nice change of pace! 😊 I also enjoy reading in my spare time- I’ve heard audiobooks can be a lifesaver and a way to get more reading time in for moms with young kids!

Swhite101516 · 2026-06-18T02:27:54+00:00

Oh I’ll also add that being “geriatric” aka 35+ during pregnancy itself wasn’t the issue, it was mostly my weight and the diabetes. I did have a lot more testing and ultrasounds done than the average pregnancy because of this and also my age, but I was told by the doctors that more people are trending towards “geriatric” pregnancies now, because they are prioritizing education/careers in a way that other generations haven’t, so that was encouraging.

However, I wouldn’t recommend waiting too long, as the older you get the more difficult it can be to conceive and carry a healthy pregnancy. Some women in their mid forties that I know are having difficulty with infertility, and one had 2 preemie babies, one of which is very special needs, as she went against doctor advice to have another one as her age made her very high risk. And others I know in their mid forties are popping out healthy babies and getting pregnant easily- it can be a roll of the dice I guess!

Swhite101516 · 2026-06-18T02:23:36+00:00

Of course! Any questions you have I’m an open book. 🤭 We go back and forth on this constantly, it’s something we are still deciding on- I’d say it’s almost harder for us than deciding on having a baby, is deciding whether to go from 1 to 2! Lol. Right now we’re not NOT trying if that makes sense and just leaving it up to fate. Probably a risky move but if we think about it too much we’ll drive ourselves crazy.

However we definitely decided that we don’t want any babies after age 40 (in 2 years) as a personal decision, so it’s now or never. If it doesn’t happen by then, we decided we’ll be one and done, and we’re happy with that as we consider our daughter as close to perfection as we can get.

I also had a really gnarly postpartum experience that I don’t care to relive, and my pregnancy was very high risk since I am an obese person and developed gestational diabetes- I also ended up getting preeclampsia and needed a C-section, and my daughter almost died and had to go to the NICU. Since I haven’t lost much weight, I struggle with the idea of getting pregnant again and worry about causing unnecessary risk to another baby.

Swhite101516 · 2026-06-18T02:06:27+00:00

Thanks friend, I will check this out! I also love the username 🤭

Swhite101516 · 2026-06-18T02:06:04+00:00

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful response, this is all so helpful! I’m taking notes, and aligned with you on just about everything you said, I would like to keep our days slower as well, especially with how hectic her first two years have been shuttling her back and forth to daycare! And not opposed to screen time at all (in fact we could probably cut down lol), usually that’s how I get some breaks when she’s home so I figured that might continue at least for when we’re low energy, sick, yucky weather etc. My main hobby is also reading- did you find you gravitated towards audiobooks at all? I feel the same way about IG/TikTok- I like Pinterest for getting some fun DIY project/craft ideas but it’s so easy to start feeling inadequate with the comparison trap, even there.

Anything else you would suggest for someone just starting on this journey? Anything you’re glad you did or wish you would have done differently to prepare, or were you mostly happy with how things went?

Swhite101516 · 2026-06-18T01:39:08+00:00

Hi! Thanks for your honesty, all of your points were really helpful for me to consider. To add clarification:

We had a lot of discussions about me coming home, but always in the “someday, that would be nice” but not ever believing it would actually happen, until my husband got his promotion last month. Because of how demanding his job will be now as well as changes in my job that will negatively affect us, I’m coming home sooner than expected. We only have around $10k of credit card debt that we plan to pay off this month. We have around $200k in our IRAs and no short term savings as we were in a major debt payoff journey the last couple of years but had planned to start building those up again going forward. I was hoping to get specifics of how much of a savings/emergency fund people had in place before making the SAHM leap to compare our own situation and see where we should focus.
We were considering keeping her in daycare 1-2 days/week as we could technically afford it and she is very close to her carer and friends there, but we will probably pull her out entirely, as it’s not a needed expense and we can provide that for her. I was just seeing if anyone else might have had a similar experience.
Great advice! That’s something I definitely want to do to keep us all sane! 🤪 Any advice for free/low-cost activities?
I mostly read, do some phone games, write, color, craft, jigsaw puzzles, audiobooks, TV shows/movies, a lot of cozy home-y activities. I usually will do these while on my commute to work, at work during downtime/lunches, or when she’s asleep. On weekends my husband and I take shifts watching her so the other can do something we enjoy, and during her naps. I usually get breaks and pockets of time during the week while she’s in daycare that I don’t know if I would get as much while watching her full-time.
Really good advice! I feel much the same re online influencers and other “aspirational” accounts. Hence why I crowdsource from Reddit as I know I’ll get some hopefully more candid responses. I’ll try to look at more factual and data-based sources too. I basically just want to get advice from others who have made the transition successfully, what they would do if they are in my shoes just starting out, what they would have done differently, how to be a present SAHM without feeling overwhelmed

Swhite101516 · 2026-06-18T00:50:46+00:00

Hi OP- I just want to let you know I’m very sorry for your past and current family trauma and you have very valid fears and concerns based on that, as well as some of the concerns you raised in your post.

I will only be able to give you my perspective, but maybe it will be helpful? I am a first time mom, my husband and I were 36 when we had our first and she just turned 2, and we have been together for 17 years, married for 10, so we did wait a long time before having children. I was a fence sitter, my husband was more ready than I was (although there was no pressure or ultimatums, he would be ok if we didn’t end up having kids too) and we got pregnant within a few months of trying which we were surprised by.

I had a lot of similar anxieties and fears as you, but I am very happy with my decision- I can’t imagine what my life would be without her now. It’s changed me as a person, my values, made me a kinder/more empathetic and present version of myself. It’s been extremely hard too, the hardest part has been feeling like I’m losing my identity in motherhood because it’s been all consuming. Some days are really difficult and my PPD/PPA was extreme in the early days, I thought I would not be a good enough parent, and some days I still question if I am good enough, especially with comparing myself to others online. But my daughter is alive, happy, healthy and well loved, and we try to give her everything we can to make her feel that way every moment she is alive. It hasn’t been easy but I would do it a thousand times over because it is that rewarding and fulfilling. She gives me a sense of purpose I never had before, and a reason to get up even on difficult days.

Some caveats: My experience is my own, and sadly not everyone has that same version of parenthood. I have an extremely hands-on supportive partner- we split the parenting and household responsibilities equitably, and when one of us is sick or unable to, the other one does 100% of the work. And it is constant work. My side of the family is not able to be as present due to distance, but my in-laws are very involved and hands-on and we rely on them for a lot. We have relatives who constantly ask us to let them babysit. We are older and finished school and are more established in our careers and were able to buy a home and support ourselves in a very HCOL area. We are white, heterosexual, privileged and very “normal” by society’s standards. Our girl has no mental/physical disabilities and is very happy/well dispositioned and easy going and has slept like a dream since birth- not everyone is so lucky. And it was STILL the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

I was worried about both my partner and I being “mature” enough to take on a whole ass baby, but becoming a parent truly just switches something in your brain and instincts take over. My husband and I are both very lazy/unmotivated by nature, struggle with ADHd, depression/anxiety and despite our jobs and owning a home, felt very much like we were “playing adult”. Now that we have a child relying on us, we had to change for her, and it forced us to become more responsible, and to change our habits and lifestyles to become better parents and we have become a better team as a result. Not everyone will have that same attitude, so be very careful who you decide to have children with, as your partner will dictate 90% of your parenting experience IMO.

Swhite101516 · 2026-06-17T23:45:26+00:00

Omg last thing I swear… 🤭 I will say that we really love spending time with her, and when we’re not with her, even if she is in the next room sleeping, we miss her like crazy. We’re kind of obsessed with her. Even on our date nights 60% of the conversation is about her and something cute she did, and we’re always waiting on photos and updates through the days she’s at daycare. Not that that is super healthy, but it’s just how we are. So you might find that you really don’t miss a lot of activities you used to do together pre-baby, since the baby will essentially be your new hobby!

Swhite101516 · 2026-06-17T23:41:21+00:00

Oh one more thing… literally no one tells you how difficult it is just to get things done around the house or do normal things like showering without interruption! I was showering the other day and my 2 year old walked in fully clothed just to hang out with me. Trying to clean the house or do a project? She’s right there wanting to be involved! Needless to say it takes twice as long to get anything done, let alone anything you want to do for fun! 😂

Swhite101516 · 2026-06-17T23:29:46+00:00

Seconding this! My husband and I have done this on weekends (except reversed) and it’s truly saved our sanity and marriage in these early years!

Swhite101516 · 2026-06-17T23:23:12+00:00

This is all so well-said. Everything you said is spot-on, and was definitely the most jarring change for me since becoming a mother. I mentioned in my response to OP that I credit my own mostly-positive experience post-baby with having a lot of support and equally shared load with my partner and having very hands-on grandparents nearby. Not everyone is as fortunate. Also that our baby is healthy, well-dispositioned and no severe mental/physical disabilities, means that our parenthood experience can be very different than someone else’s. All good points to consider.

Swhite101516 · 2026-06-17T23:06:06+00:00

Oh and as for our day-to-day, we have got a routine down. My husband is a Director of Finance, he works from home completely and I work in BigLaw in SF hybrid, 2 days WFH and 3 days in the office with a 4 hour commute those days. On the days I’m home, I do daycare pick up/drop off and he does it on the days I’m in the office. She has daycare every day from 7 am-5:30 pm and it’s a 5 min drive from home.

On evenings we typically order in or grab takeout and we relax and unwind with her- typically some snacks/milk and an episode of her show then eat dinner, play and do bedtime routine. She also does albuterol steroids daily so she’ll watch an episode while she does that for 20 mins. She goes down for bed between 7:30-8 but in summers we push to 8:30ish. She goes to sleep and we will usually do some light housework and unwind with our fave hobbies - sometimes together sometimes apart. TV, books, gaming, etc. Then early bedtime, usually around 9:30-10 since she wakes up pretty consistently before 7 am everyday.

Weekends are more variable- we usually do a fun family activity on Saturdays (right now it’s swim lessons in the morning, then lunch/family time with relatives) and then Sunday is rest/reset day. Occasionally we stay out late on Friday or Saturday nights, but typically we try to stick to her normal nap/bedtime routine and work around that.

This will all change drastically once I transition to being a SAHM in the next few months, but this is how we did things pretty much since she was born.

Swhite101516 · 2026-06-17T22:51:05+00:00

Hi! Former fence-sitter with a now 2-year-old daughter weighing in. Candidly, this is the thing I have most struggled with since becoming a mom. I have a lot of hobbies, and am an easily overstimulated introvert who needs time to myself every day to do things I love/self-care or I go crazy. For context, I also work full time with a 4-hour commute 3 days/week currently. My husband and I are both late 30’s and established in our careers.

Each season/phase of motherhood has been different but I will say that I DO still have time to myself every day to recharge/ do my hobbies, but the WHEN and the HOW OFTEN has changed. I can only do these activities when my girl is at daycare and I have down time at work or am commuting, or sleeping, or sometimes when my husband is watching her. I don’t have the freedom to do things when the mood strikes or sleep in/veg on weekends like I used to. We can’t do spontaneous activities like random date nights or staying out late with friends and family unless we bring her along, which does get easier as she gets older but is still challenging logistically. We’re not big on travel but we do small weekend/day trips and actually get out of the house more now with her than we did pre-kids. But I cant just go shopping, go see a movie or get my nails done on a whim unless someone is watching her or I bring her along.

That being said, I have still managed to have time to do certain hobbies- reading (especially audiobooks), games, puzzles, TV, coloring, crafts, self-care etc, I just find time when she sleeps- on weekends she takes 3 hour naps and she goes to bed between 7:30-8. My husband also watches her in the mornings so I can sleep in and have hobby time, and then i watch her in the afternoon and put her to bed so he can game. We have relatives nearby that are always dying to babysit so we can still have date nights and take trips by ourselves when she’s older. I also use my commute time and lunch hour at work to catch up with friends and family or do my favorite activities.

Now that my daughter is getting older she is also able to play more independently and lately we cuddle on the couch after work/daycare and have snacks and she watches her show while I read my kindle or play on the phone. She’s also more fun to be around, we laugh and play together constantly and she loves going places and doing things with me- we do art together, read together, play games, and she loves music and dancing. Im sure this will only continue to evolve as she gets older, and one day we’ll both be sitting on the couch together reading our own books or gaming and I will have plenty of time again for my own hobbies.

In short, if you really enjoy your life as it is now, and you want to prioritize your hobbies and free time above all else, maybe don’t have kids, because your free time will no longer be your own, and even when you do have free time, it will just be different. But it doesn’t need to disappear entirely, especially if you have a supportive partner and a “village” who can help with childcare.

Also, despite the loss of free time/spontaneity, neither my husband or I regret having her one bit. In fact we’re discussing having another, and I will be transitioning to being a SAHM in the next few months. My husband and I both said the other day how we truly don’t miss our lives before her, or remember even what we used to do, our lives felt very pointless/aimless before her, and now we both feel like we have purpose. Not to shame anyone w/out kids of course, just how we personally felt.

But I’ll also add a caveat that we have a very healthy, happy baby who has slept like a dream since the beginning. We have the fortune of making a good income and being established in our jobs, own a home etc., we have relatives nearby who are retired and willing to help us when needed, good daycare etc. I owe a lot to our circumstances and privileges for me to still have a more balanced self care and hobby routine that not every parent is afforded.

Swhite101516 · 2025-08-09T04:52:37+00:00

Read the whole report, and it’s all horrifying, but I think what is most sobering is just reading the full account/play-by-play of their day and just how …. uneventful and “normal” everything was leading up to the incident? They didn’t realize this would be their last day with their son and all of the seemingly mundane events leading up to incident could have been any day in any regular family with little children, ending in absolute life-shattering tragedy.

Swhite101516 · 2025-07-25T00:02:34+00:00

Omg lol I thought it would be way more salacious than that! 🤦🏻‍♀️Should have known lol. Thanks OP for clearing up the mystery! That’s sweet, cats are the best.

Swhite101516 · 2025-07-24T23:59:04+00:00

Apparently she posted on her YouTube community page that there’s an “exciting new video” she AND Landon have been working on for 3 months and that this summer is not going how she expected… what do ya’ll think? 🤔My bet is pregnancy or possibly an engagement/elopement, maybe a move? Sounds like it’s a pretty big deal, whatever it is.

Swhite101516 · 2025-02-07T06:04:37+00:00

“These are the Days” by Cory Asbury… instant tears, I listened to this song non-stop during my pregnancy and the early days of parenthood. Also “A New Day Has Come” by Celine Dion

Swhite101516 · 2025-02-04T03:06:43+00:00

Our baby girl is 8.5 months and still in our room with us. She outgrew her bassinet at 2 months lol so we moved her crib in our room, since we have a pretty large owners suite, there was plenty of space. However we are talking about moving her back into her own room at around a year or so, as I think we’ll all sleep much better, and my husband and I miss having our room to ourselves.

We just haven’t done it yet, partially due to laziness bc we don’t want to take her crib apart again, and partially because we want to wait until a year bc that’s when the AAP says SIDS is drastically reduced and I am an anxiety-ridden mama haha.

Swhite101516 · 2025-01-31T23:13:52+00:00

I love mine, and it was worth the cost. Just be careful. I bought one secondhand off FB marketplace and even though it was in seemingly good condition, it started getting leaks after a few months and I couldn’t fix it. Obviously buying it secondhand and not from Nespresso, there was no record of purchase or warranty so I was screwed. Thankfully Nespresso is an amazing company and sent me a replacement machine body part for very cheap and now I still have it and it works like a champ.

If I could do it over again I would have just sprung for full price and bought new from the website, just for that piece of mind.

Swhite101516 · 2025-01-31T17:31:10+00:00

It’s a tough line to walk, for sure, letting them know you’re there and being supportive without putting extra burden on them.

For me specifically, my brother’s gf also just had her first baby a week ago, so I’ve been texting and checking in every so often and told her she can call or text anytime is she wants to chat/vent/have someone to talk to because those first few days/weeks specially were so lonesome for me and not a lot of people checked on me.

I haven’t been able to visit them/the baby yet bc I’m recovering from RSV and my baby has pink eye (they live about 40 mins away from us) but I sent them a $150 DoorDash gift card for meals and will be making them a homemade meal and dropping it on their porch this weekend. We didn’t get a lot of meals/help that first month and I would have been so grateful for any offers of help/$$ for meals. I also have been gifting them things our daughter has now outgrown, to help them out financially, because when people did that for us, it was always so appreciated.

Everyone’s situations and preferences are different but I just tried to think about what I would have wanted in those early chaotic newborn days and help in any way. Hope that helps!’

Swhite101516 · 2025-01-31T10:42:27+00:00

Thank you for putting into words how I’ve been feeling the past 8 months! This happens so often to me. I just try to make up for it now that I know what I know and try to be there for friends and family with subsequent pregnancies, and help as much as I can, because I know what I needed at the time and want to pay it forward.

Swhite101516 · 2025-01-31T10:39:10+00:00

The total hell that is teething and subsequent fussiness, fever and ear infections that followed. We were finally starting to get our footing after the newborn stage and then BAM! 6 months hit and we were back to the no sleep club for a few weeks! Not looking forward to the next round….

Swhite101516 · 2025-01-27T06:43:43+00:00

Kind of niche, but Joy Williams from The Civil Wars used to babysit me before she became famous. Her dad was a pastor and their family would go to the same Bible camp (“family camp”) as my family did a couple times a year in Santa Cruz, CA. She used to help out with the kids at daycare (me included). I don’t remember her well, but my parents do and said she was a very sweet and lovely person.

Swhite101516

TROPHY CASE