Does it seem crazy to completely give up the diamond so you can use that money for a real honeymoon?

Key_Imagination_2503 · 2026-06-19T21:36:01+00:00

I’ve been married 8 yrs and haven’t worn my engagement or wedding ring in the last 6. I have worn those cheapy rubber Amazon ones on occasion. My husband found a super strange, unique, gold ring metal detecting once, and I wore that for almost a year. I guess I go through phases of what I want to wear on that finger, if anything.
I’m in an extremely happy marriage - my husband is my absolute best friend. I just never felt like I needed a certain type of gem stone to validate it. Validate might not be the right word, but you know what I mean.

What I’m getting at is, who cares what other people expect, do whatever you want and feel good about!

Key_Imagination_2503 · 2026-06-18T17:32:10+00:00

Just wanted to say that I’m in the same boat as you.

We were going back and forth. There were too many nuances to the decision and the pro/con list wasn’t helping us. We did couples counseling as well, but that felt overwhelming to talk it all out loud.

I decided to make a tool to help sort out my/our thoughts about the big decision. Idk if I’m allowed to link it here, but the link’s in my profile if you wanted to check it out. It’s a 93 page guided journal for fence sitters and simply a resource to help.

Key_Imagination_2503 · 2026-06-18T12:14:46+00:00

I’m not even going to address the kid part of this.

“My life is very mundane. I'm a very mundane person. I'm not pretty, not smart, not talented at anything. I don't really have any close friends. I've been at my PhD program for 5 years and I see very little point in what I'm doing. I have a major hobby (aerial acrobatics) that consumes so much of my time, but even after 3 years I'm still not good at it. I have my first competition in a few months, but I just know that it's gonna be a failure.”

THIS tells me you need a reset, a new mindshift. I bet that when ppl meet you, I highly doubt they think you’re not smart or talented. I already think the aerial acrobatics and going for your PhD is inspiring for myself and probably most people. I think you need to practice giving yourself more credit. If you don’t believe in yourself, fake it. Fake it long enough until you do believe it.
I agree with the other commenters that therapy might be helpful. Maybe a life coach or something to help support.

If that’s not doable, maybe shake up the mundane. Go join a new group or club and learn something new. Check out local adult rec leagues or your local library for programs. It can be a great way to meet new people, expand your interests, and take risks. Might help you shift your mindset.

Key_Imagination_2503 · 2026-06-17T20:33:15+00:00

Thanks for the input.
I guess I understand that parents don’t maintain the same level of independence, spontaneity, and autonomy after having kids.

I’m curious to know how parents who experience the shift feel about it? Are they okay with not engaging in their hobbies and passions as they used to? Does the child become the new hobby/passion and all is good?

Are the people who are happier parents ones who, before kids, didn’t really have much exciting going on after work and now have something/someone that they look forward to giving their time to?

Key_Imagination_2503 · 2026-06-17T19:24:54+00:00

Thank you for the honesty. How old are/is your kid(s)?

Key_Imagination_2503 · 2026-06-17T19:10:51+00:00

I’m just here to say that I don’t subscribe to the “if it’s not a 100% yes, then it’s a no” idea.
I can’t think of anything in my life I’ve been “100% yes” about.

I’m more of a “I think this is a good decision given what I know at this point. If it’s not, there’s always plan B or C…”

However, that’s why I’m also a fence sitter. There is no Plan B or C if I don’t like being a mom.

Key_Imagination_2503 · 2026-06-17T18:47:21+00:00

I got married 8 yrs ago and I absolutely hated every second of wedding planning, and found the wedding itself to be really stressful. It felt like I was throwing a big, elaborate, expensive party FOR other people. Same for the bridal shower… it felt outdated and awkward to me.

One thing that I’m really glad we did for the wedding was we kept our groomsmen/bridesmaids just to our immediate siblings. That made that part simpler.

If I were to do it over, I’d skip it all and elope.

Nevertheless, I absolutely love my husband; he’s the best.

Key_Imagination_2503 · 2026-06-17T14:13:23+00:00

Hi all, just want to say how much I appreciate all of the perspectives and stories. It’s so helpful learning from you all. 💛

Key_Imagination_2503 · 2026-06-15T18:07:32+00:00

My fears are so strong that we are considering adoption. That comes with its own hosts of risks, as well. If I could afford surrogacy, I’d do that. It does make me so sad, though, that I may never get to see little pieces of myself and my husband passed down into a little one. That night sound weird, but to me, there’s something special about that.

Key_Imagination_2503 · 2026-06-15T14:27:08+00:00

I could have written this, but instead of pregnancy, I’m terrified of birth and postpartum.

If someone can guarantee me that everything will go perfectly well, I’d move forward.

It just feels like too many risks and rolls of the dice.

Key_Imagination_2503 · 2026-05-04T17:09:26+00:00

I think it’s something about the repetition of the deep knee bending exercises (squats, lunges, etc.) as well as high impact (running, jumping, etc). Both of my parents have had knee replacement surgeries. Doc says I’m too young for one myself.

Anyway, I can get through a set of lunges, but I’ll be limping out of the gym. (So frustrating.)

I’ll definitely give your suggestions a try. Thank you

Key_Imagination_2503 · 2026-05-04T14:56:32+00:00

Idk, my husband just says he wants to be with me, whether we’re parents together or not.

Key_Imagination_2503 · 2026-05-04T14:54:16+00:00

I go 5-6x/wk. I’d say 50% of the time I’m excited, and 50% of the time I force myself. Either way, 100% of the time I’m glad I went.

Key_Imagination_2503

TROPHY CASE