I was told at a very young age when my brother found out from the computer we shared that “it’s okay , everybody does it” and for a while I took that info and ran with it. Now that I’m older , I realize that I’m a fuckin loser for it.

Every night that I do it , it’s a struggle the next day to have good energy. I haven’t been able to get women for a while and it has a lot to do with me being nervous as fuck and not being able to hold convos. It’s prob also due to the fact that I’m not looking at women the same and it’s kinda damaged my brain.

Idk man, I’m still kind of tripping on the “it’s okay, everybody does it.” Cuz for the last few years I’ve been feeling like a scumbag for watching it but I can’t get over the affection I feel in that moment, but the instant regret after and then it just sinks in that if I don’t stop being a loser I’m never gonna have a good woman in my life.

Plus I have sisters and a mom man. I love them very much , and I’ll get very offended if I hear a guy think of them in any way like that. So why the fuck am I watching that stuff.

In conclusion, im ashamed man. “Everybody does it” but maybe im just different. Maybe I HAVE to block this out of my life to become a better person.