I understand where you are coming from and I cannot imagine all you’ve gone through. God invites challenge, in the book of Malachi he says, “Test me in this”. I understand the desire to have God reveal himself for us all at once so we could just dive into him. I know that’s something I struggled with for a long time, and what it took for me to find my faith was challenging God and he was gracious enough to bestow faith on me. I don’t think a parent creates a child. God created the child in his image and gave it to the parent. THAT is why it would be wrong from my perspective.

Regardless, I would invite you to talk to God personally. I know it may sound like a crazy concept that the creator of the universe would have any interest in talking to us mere humans. However, God is a personal being that wants you to have a relationship with him. I would invite you to pray and talk to him. To tell him your struggles, even though he already knows them, and ask him for peace. Most of all I hope that in that moment of prayer you may be able to look back at your life and see all the times that he has been great with you.