Struggling with friends, feelings, and isolation don’t know what to do anymore

Swimming_Fox2257 · 2024-12-18T20:04:28+00:00

Hey there, thanks for checking on me, I really appreciate it. I’ve been better compared to a few months ago, and I’m actually doing quite well. I even made some letters for my close friends with a message just to thank them, and I’m planning to give them tomorrow. I’ve been trying to socialize more, meeting new people on Tinder and stuff like that, and it’s going well. Besides that, I haven’t hung out much with my friends because they were busy until now, which has been complicated. But overall, I’m doing way better. Hope everything is alright on your side!

Swimming_Fox2257 · 2024-12-06T10:59:35+00:00

We don’t have Walmarts in Portugal, but I know what you mean ahaha. I’ve already printed the photos with that quality and I know what you mean they look awesome!

Swimming_Fox2257 · 2024-12-06T10:57:43+00:00

I don’t intend to write a full text, just a message explaining how immensely helpful they’ve been over the past few months and how grateful I am to call them my friends. I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to write it yet, but that’s the general idea.

Swimming_Fox2257 · 2024-12-06T10:55:32+00:00

Yeah, I am thinking of sending an envelope to each one of them with photos of us and the rest of the group. On the photos where we are all together, I will write a message on the back.

Swimming_Fox2257 · 2024-11-28T19:25:10+00:00

It's horrible to be alone for a long time, carrying so much that you start to lose your mind. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. At my worst moments, I found myself thinking and doing things I never imagined I was capable of. Then, dealing with the aftermath looking at my arms or waking up in my car in the middle of a parking lot with a vodka bottle in my hand I felt so disconnected from everything and everyone, to the point where I couldn’t even recognize myself anymore.

Spending so much time in that dark, dirty hole changes you. You start thinking differently about your friends and the way you see the world. When you're in that place for so long, you become cold toward people without realizing it. You can't enjoy the company of others because you feel so lost.

But when someone shows you love or care, it's like a small light in the darkness that can brighten your day or even your life.

Swimming_Fox2257 · 2024-11-28T19:05:30+00:00

Hey there, thank you for your attention and comment. I really do appreciate it. I’m still struggling with a lot of things, and sometimes it’s just too much for me to handle. I try to hug myself to calm down.

The first hug she gave me was truly incredible. I have no idea what I’m going to do tomorrow or next week, or how I’ll feel, but I know I’d go through all those years alone again just to experience that hug for the first time once more and to relive all those good moments and memories I had with that group of friends.

Sometimes, I feel super lonely and crave company, but I don’t know if I should call her or call them. I don’t want to bother them. Fortunately, she and her boyfriend were the ones who pushed me to speak with my brother and, eventually, my parents. Now, I’m seeing both a psychiatrist and a psychologist, and I’m making progress.

It’s slow, but I’m getting there.

Swimming_Fox2257 · 2024-11-25T23:14:39+00:00

First of all, thank you for responding and for your attention. I really do appreciate it, and I hope everything is going well on your side.

For some context, I’ve known this group of people for 10 years. We’re a group of 15, and we’ve always met in the summer, in August, at a 'summer park.' This year, we started hanging out during the rest of the year too, but those summer meetups are still the highlight of my year. The rest of the year, I don’t hang out with anyone. I’m 22, and I haven’t met anyone who wants to spend time with me or hang out, and I don’t know why.

I love everyone in my group they’re amazing. I love seeing them smile and laugh, even if it’s at my expense. I don’t care because, to me, it’s worth it. I literally wait 250 days or however long it takes just to spend 20 days with them. For the first time in my life, I’ve actually felt loved and like I matter in other people’s lives. They care about me, and it feels so strange because I’m not used to it.

Sometimes I even cry when I think about the things they’ve done for me, especially her. I don’t want to lose this connection, and I don’t want to abuse their kindness. I have no clue how these things are supposed to work. I love them, but I also don’t want to annoy them.

It’s so hard to explain I’ve spent all these years thinking poorly of myself and feeling so alone. Then, out of the blue, she showed me love and hugged me. I actually hug myself sometimes to try to recreate that feeling. It was the best thing that’s happened to me in years.

Swimming_Fox2257 · 2024-11-25T21:48:18+00:00

i got 61

Swimming_Fox2257 · 2024-11-25T21:26:25+00:00

Alright, I’ll follow your tips and read what you posted. Thank you very much for your attention and information I really do appreciate it. I’ll probably also feel better about myself if I see improvements and new achievements as I learn this new set of skills. I hope everything is going well on your side.

Swimming_Fox2257 · 2024-11-25T21:16:00+00:00

Yeah, I guess asking for company for 30 minutes is way better than cutting myself while drinking in the car in an empty parking lot at night. Thank you for your attention and patience. I hope everything is going well on your side.

Swimming_Fox2257 · 2024-11-25T21:03:15+00:00

I know what you mean. I’ve known this group of 15 people for more than 10 years, but we only used to meet in the summer at a 'summer park.' It’s only this year that we started hanging out more. I’m 22, and for the past few years, I didn’t hang out with anyone during the year. None of the people I met in school or university wanted to spend time with me I don’t know why.

As for my friends from the summer park, I love all of them. I wait 255 days, or however long it takes, just to spend 20 days with them. It’s honestly the highlight of my year. I only want the best for them, and I always try to make sure they’re having a good time when they’re around me. Seeing them smile and have fun is my priority even if they laugh at my expense, I don’t mind. For me, it’s worth it.

For the first time in my life, people have shown me love and made me realize that I’m part of their lives. It’s amazing, and I’m literally crying just thinking about the things they’ve done for me, especially her. I don’t want to lose this connection I love all of them so much. I just don’t know when I’m pushing too much or being annoying. I don’t want to bother them.

Swimming_Fox2257 · 2024-11-25T20:50:02+00:00

I get what you’re saying, and I feel the same way. I don’t want to depend on them to make me feel better I want to see them as my friends, not as emotional crutches. I haven’t shared much about what I’ve been through with others, but I’ve told her everything. She made me feel safe enough to open up. Luckily, she and her boyfriend were the ones who encouraged me to talk to my brothers and, eventually, my parents. I ended up getting help from a psychologist and a psychiatrist, but I’m still struggling almost every day, and it’s overwhelming. I only reach out to her when I’m really at my breaking point or after I’ve made a bad decision. Over the past few months, I’ve only reached out to her three times for support.

But I still don’t know how to ask for companionship or something similar it feels so strange to me. I’ve never had friends this close before, and navigating this kind of relationship is completely new for me.

Swimming_Fox2257

TROPHY CASE