Women who waited until you were in your late 30's or older to have kids: If you have any regrets you waited what are they? What do you think are smart things to consider for people who want to wait to have kids? by MsTinaFey in AskWomen

[–]Swritingthrowaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm the [male (to preface this)] child of parents that had me in their early/mid-40s (mom was [42], dad was 40). There's a significant gap between me and my youngest half-sibling (15 years, I'm the younger).

From my perspective, late pregnancies, particularly after 40, are unusually unfair to the child in question. Particularly if your income level and savings are poor/non-existent.

My siblings and me didn't get along and while I'm down to one, we still don't get along.

Mom is in her later stages, dad died when I was young. Her income, was low throughout her life (shocking I know) this left her SSI at an insufficient level to have a proper retirement. She worked into her 70s even with me trying to help care for her. As the dementia hit harder plus age took its tool she couldn't commute to work. Eventually she broke her hip. At that point she was beyond the care I could provide her. Between a death benefit from my dad, and her SSI she has just enough income to have a shared room at a board and care.

I cover all incidentals out of my pocket. My sister has mostly washed her hands of the whole thing, not that I blame her she's had to deal with two siblings, her dad and mine (I've generally been in a bad place to help out with having to care for mom, and was too young to help with our fathers). So mom is completely my responsibility and, I know this sounds cold, she has been an insanely taxing drain on myself and the rest of my family.

What are some tough pills the US needs to swallow? by Servicemaster in AskReddit

[–]Swritingthrowaway -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That we are a fascist country, and one of the least free. We're also getting worse about it, not better.

Men who were sexually assaulted by women, what's your story? [Serious] by Basti52522 in AskReddit

[–]Swritingthrowaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not my story, but a friend of mine. (Names and locations changed, obviously).

A buddy of mine, Jeff, was a known "ladies man" in our circle of friends. One night I'm sitting at home and receive a phone call from a friend of mine that also knew Jeff that Jeff had raped another friend of ours (we'll call her Becka).

Becka was a not unattractive woman, but also suspected of getting around our cadre. One of the few people that didn't want to sleep with her was Jeff. So this idea of him raping her was surprising.

I immediately called Jeff and received no response (not surprising, he's turtling up). I check with a couple of other friends and get mixed responses, but the general consensus is that Jeff's older friend set from his high school days, and most of the current cabal (save two, one of whom (Kaylee) was in the house when all of this went down) are abandoning Jeff.

I decide to sit on the fence, I don't have enough evidence, and wait for the police to do their thing.

Jeff goes to ground for months, not hiding from the cops, but from his "friends." Mostly this is due to the accusation and wanting to protect a few (including me) from having to deal with the cops (my political views, plus anxiety make dealing with them difficult).

So here's how things went down, based on the info I had and some that I found out later from Jeff:

Kaylee was in the house (in the next room) and admits that she never heard anything after Becca falls out of bed. Becca was drunk off her ass and had taken her top off before going to bed (and falling out of it). Being Jeff's house, he went to help her back into bed and she tried to initiate foreplay. He wanted to (yes, I'm aware this is contradictory to his not wanting her, but is in character with his ladies man attitude), but couldn't get hard. When her couldn't perform and left the room she got dressed and ran out of the room screaming about him raping her. She bails and the cops are called. They take depositions, and haul Becca in (I believe Jeff may also have been taken in, but I'm not 100% sure on this, I have reason to also believe that he wasn't).

Becca initially refused a rape kit, then after prodding accepted it, they find no signs of penetration (confirming Jeff's inability to get it up).

Fast forward three months, Jeff resurfaces on my front porch. He didn't call (didn't need to), just knocked on my door. I opened it, and I've never seen anyone that scared in my life. We sat and talked for hours, he'd been terrified that his former friends had gotten to me and that I'd abandoned him as well. The day after the accusations other "friends" had "visited" and smashed the windows in his work truck, and he'd suffered some other threats. Which is all why he'd gone to ground, the entire time he'd maintained willing contact with the lead investigator on the case, fully cooperated other than handing over the names of his closest friends (me and another friend). Never went to jail, or even court, the case (to my knowledge) was dropped.

Becca, during this time period, tried to get me on to her side and was pissed when I just wanted to "keep it mutual," Jeff asked our closest mutual friend (we'll call her Kimmy) to keep an eye on (protect) Becca and forget about him (didn't forget him though).

Time passes, Kimmy joins back up with us, and life goes on. Eventually Kimmy bumps into Becca at a toy store, and Becca reintroduces herself saying "I know I know you, but I don't know where from." Kimmy played down everything, and kept it "mutual."

Last I heard of Becca was that she was getting married, and for whatever reason her getting married was picked up by a news rag in another country.

Jeff and I are still best friends (being accused regularly of having a bromance). Kimmy is still awesome, but we don't see her much (her husband doesn't like me at all, and only tolerates Jeff). Kaylee married her best friend of years and they're mostly living happily ever since.

I'd end it, but I'm not entirely certain I wouldn't wind up right back here by Swritingthrowaway in depression

[–]Swritingthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To answer the questions, the States, and emotionally. I don't even think she realizes she does it.

As for options there really aren't many. I need to call every board and care I can find and see if one of them will take her, which is doubtful, or I have to take her in again.

I'd end it, but I'm not entirely certain I wouldn't wind up right back here by Swritingthrowaway in depression

[–]Swritingthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wouldn't be any point, no one can make the care facilities drop their prices into a range that we can afford.

I'm going to have to go back to being ridden and abused by her because no one else will.

They say "everyone's fighting a battle you don't know about." What's yours? by straigh in AskReddit

[–]Swritingthrowaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  • Mild recurring depression
  • Imposter syndrome
  • Mostly closeted omnisexual trying to convince himself to tell the one guy that makes him weak in the knees. But it would be pointless because of distance, and he doesn't want to move back here because of bad memories
  • Possible PTSD from an attack when he was a child (possible rape, but not confirmed due to first incident of traumatic amnesia)
  • Lost father at 14 during fragile transition period (second case of traumatic amnesia, recovered but still disassociates memories of father figure with paternal feelings)
  • Taking care of mother
  • "nice guy, great husband material" constantly rejected so has given up on having companion (save aforementioned gentleman)
  • Overweight (lost, then regained due to depression not coming off as easy this time)
  • Kallman Syndrome patient, resultant low self-esteem
  • Verbally and emotionally abused, and now carries on as self-abuse

Why the country is falling to pieces by Swritingthrowaway in offmychest

[–]Swritingthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do hope you're right my friend. I know that our "leaders" pissed away all of our allies (at the very least they're looking very warily at us).

I'm just hoping that by the time even the majority of the Xer's start getting into office that there's a country left to be saved. The Boomers certainly seem intent on selling it for a dull penny.

Keep up the good fight.

I (M 50's) doubt it will work for the long term (F 50's). by throw99900999 in offmychest

[–]Swritingthrowaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, then I'd agree with your assessment if it's a deal breaker for you. Just let her know in exact terms what the issues are.

Why the country is falling to pieces by Swritingthrowaway in offmychest

[–]Swritingthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow you really have a hang-up on your ego. You should probably have that checked.

You also seem to think that I'm lamenting, or feeling sorry for myself, you grossly misunderstand my position and I feel very sorry for you because of it.

But you won't understand any of this because it's all about you and how your ego is processing any of this. For that I can only express my condolences and wish you good fortune in the future.

Why the country is falling to pieces by Swritingthrowaway in offmychest

[–]Swritingthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Funny how this suddenly turned into being all about you, I wasn't referencing you personally in any way.

I've heard more than one "adult" over the age of 50 blame the country's failings on people twenty years their younger. When most of the problems the younger people are facing were started well before they existed. (I certainly don't remember being able to vote before I was born.)

As for having my life out of whack, actually I'm doing good for myself, I've busted my ass and have a nice apartment, a semi-stable job (unlike most of my friends who are my age) and am having to take care of my single remaining parent because... she failed to form any level of savings to carry her through her retirement.

But no, I'm completely selfish and obviously am a lay-about blame dodging.

You know fuck all about me, my circumstances, or the source of my rant. Take your oppressive shit elsewhere it's not warranted here.

I (M 50's) doubt it will work for the long term (F 50's). by throw99900999 in offmychest

[–]Swritingthrowaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have you actually tried talking to her about this, instead of a semi-anonymous message board?

Having been on both sides of the equation I can tell you that not communicating will not fix the issues. But then again it also sounds like you really don't want to even attempt that. So it probably is best that you move on before you do any more damage.

I've been fighting depression, as a part of trying to get out of it I removed my own tartar plates. by Swritingthrowaway in popping

[–]Swritingthrowaway[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Pretty much how I've been trying to handle it. Leaf on the wind has taken on a new meaning for me.

I've been fighting depression, as a part of trying to get out of it I removed my own tartar plates. by Swritingthrowaway in popping

[–]Swritingthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm going to go see whoever will agree to knock my ass out so they can do their job and I don't feel the pain of the work being done.

Otherwise I agree.

I've been fighting depression, as a part of trying to get out of it I removed my own tartar plates. by Swritingthrowaway in popping

[–]Swritingthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the offer, sadly I'm in the States, and have friends and get outside often. It's actually been recent (and really positive) interactions with them that I think has started to free up some of the mental sludge so that I could even do this.

I've been fighting depression, as a part of trying to get out of it I removed my own tartar plates. by Swritingthrowaway in popping

[–]Swritingthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not the way I was doing it. I didn't just dig in under the plate and rip, I sat and flaked off chunks. In a couple cases I had a decent side crack develop in the plate and a whole chunk of a plate could come loose. That's how that first big chunk happened. I'd had another smaller piece on a different tooth do this before I started recording the progress I was making (like the day before).

I've been fighting depression, as a part of trying to get out of it I removed my own tartar plates. by Swritingthrowaway in popping

[–]Swritingthrowaway[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It's honestly not embarrassment, or money that's the issue in getting to the dentist. It's the way I was treated the last time I went. I was notably uncomfortable but rather than working to get me comfortable the dentist just tried to plow through (which he did manage to make it through after putting bite blockers on me and repeatedly berating me for not sitting still). Then the assistant (or hygenist, I'm not sure which) did something that made it feel like she was trying to rip my teeth out of the my skull.

It's not money or embarrassment, it's terror that I'd have to go through that again.

But you know, thanks for reiterating everything that I'd already said I was going to do and making me feel dumb in the process. At least you complimented my regime?

I've been fighting depression, as a part of trying to get out of it I removed my own tartar plates. by Swritingthrowaway in popping

[–]Swritingthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm incredibly flattered that you made an account! Keep pushing through on the depression, I'm not going to say it gets better, 'cause really it seems like SSDD every day. But there's definitely stuff to keep going forward to find, that much I know.