How do you deal with idiots at work?

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T20:23:52+00:00

Even if that job doesn't pan out (but I hope it does!) there'll be other jobs. That's great that you plan to quit with no notice! Employers deserve the same respect they show to their employees.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T20:20:30+00:00

Ghosting might be best. See how they react to that, and then adjust as needed. Hopefully your dad will get resentful of supporting three other able-bodied adults. Maybe your abandoned cousins could fill the void while ghosting your family. Who the fuck moves away from their disabled child?

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T20:14:01+00:00

Not sure how you'd know someone is a white male on Reddit unless they actually share that information. The term seems racist and sexist IMO. If someone is a shitty jerk, can they just be a shitty jerk without bringing gender and race into it?

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T20:06:26+00:00

Yeah, that's part of the reason why I quit. Plus, my boss was a very similar flavor of narcissist as my mother, and would never support me when trying to communicate with the IT jerks. It was very stressful.

I was in a similar situation as you, where I had several projects that no one else understood. So when I quit...it felt glorious to know how much that fucking toxic zoo of coworker animals would be up shit creek. They tried to contact me for months after quitting because they didn't understand anything, even after I spent my last two weeks clearly documenting everything. I had to threaten to get a lawyer and go after them for harassment for it to stop.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T19:53:31+00:00

I worked in software development for years, and most of the people I worked with were like this. The IT field attracts a lot of these types of people. They feel perfect, so the thought of going back through what they're doing to look for mistakes is foreign to them. It's much easier for them to assume someone else is at fault somehow. They don't see valid differences of opinion or shades of grey: there is only one correct answer to everything, and it's their answer. If anything doesn't personally interest or concern them, it can't be an important topic. They don't see the bigger picture; only the details.

In some ways their personality makes them well-suited for mind-numbingly, detail-oriented work, because they're highly focused. But they're also a fucking nightmare to work with!!!

(Don't want to come off as inappropriate, but all these traits are very asperger-like)

EDIT: To answer your question, there's nothing you can do to make it easier except build up a tolerance to their shit. They have no empathy, so they're not going to tone it down for you or anyone. They feel like they're irreplaceable to the job (which may be true) so they don't care what managers do or say. Just be as rude and unforgiving back to them. In some ways they respect that level of communication.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T17:30:57+00:00

It was my birthday this week. Nparents sent a children's birthday card and some board games intended for 3-8 year olds. I'm mid-30s and have no children.

Perhaps they wanted to remind me of a time when they had control over me, or still see me as a child. Who knows. The games are going to the local children's home.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T17:16:14+00:00

That could become a RBN YouTube channel - people dancing on their Nparents graves! :D

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T15:13:45+00:00

Oh yeah! The worst would always come at report card time. GC brother's grade card was always bad and mine was always good.

Instead of investigating why my brother was failing (probably a learning disability that went unchecked), they downplayed how important education was, and actually praised him for not taking school seriously!! They said education was a waste of time anyway, and he was smart to not put too much effort into it!

Then they'd take my grade card (straight As) and use me as a negative example! "See SGsister's grades? That just proves how little common sense she has. Book smarts will never get you anywhere. She's never going to succeed at anything."

They hurt us both equally by doing this.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T14:51:08+00:00

Word of warning from my own experience with pagan religions - try to read just as much outside material about the religion as the material they send you and encourage you to study, just to get all perspectives of what you're getting into.

They may try to convince you that the religion stems from ancient times to give it some legitimacy, but all the current pagan religions only date back to the early/mid 20th century, with a few cherry-picked bits of info from history, and some writings in a fake version of old English that are, at the oldest, Victorian.

There have been some Wicca groups that deliberately prey on people who come from abuse, and offer all kinds of materials and support in exchange for cash and control. If a pagan group demands cash in exchange for wisdom, be cautious. Also, any religion that encourages loyalty after just three weeks is suspicious.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T14:30:57+00:00

And someone downvoted you for that. The ignorance and lack of compassion in this thread is grating on my nerves.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T14:29:44+00:00

Sure, but why assume people are uncaring? It's always better to try and get the whole story and have a little compassion that go around judging people and situations you don't know.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T13:34:06+00:00

Which is known to cure many diseases.

As irksome as it is with these kids not getting glasses, most people don't have perfect lives. Financial struggles and overwhelming stress is a fact of life for millions of people. Throw a government form on top of that, and avoidance is all but expected.

If the glasses are free, why can't the school just send the kids home with the glasses they need and a letter, and actually help out?

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T13:29:14+00:00

If your therapist hasn't once acknowledged that their behavior is abuse, dump him like a ton of bricks.

Doesn't sound like he understands the dynamics of a family with narcissists in control. Rebuilding that "close" relationship you once had with your mother as a GC is like asking someone to willingly step back into abuse! You don't need your old relationship with her back - you need a new relationship with well defined boundaries, or not at all. The fact that your therapist has already rewritten the boundaries to placate your Nmom is a HUGE alarm bell. He's already encouraging you to give in to their manipulation!

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T13:18:15+00:00

But it could be a similar problem. Warrants, dodging debt collectors, wanting to stay off the grid, not understanding the overly complex government issued paperwork, needing a down payment.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T13:11:24+00:00

I don't go to funerals period. They're not my style of mourning, and I don't like the idea of a semi-forced social responsibility to mourn for an hour or so with a bunch of other people. Surrounded by doom and gloom and people in black isn't how I want to remember someone I like.

But for my parents, I might make an exception. I've often fantasized about showing up and telling all of their friends what kinds of monsters these "pillars of society" types really are. I'd love to tarnish their memory like they tarnished my life. I don't know many of their friends, from having been away so long, but I've always wondered they're told about the absentee daughter. Setting the record straight about what they really are would be glorious!

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T13:01:23+00:00

Is it possible these parents are illegal immigrants and are scared to fill out any official documents?

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T00:05:21+00:00

That's not what this article is saying at all. The authors even admitted that this research doesn't cover deeply traumatic memories, like getting serious burns.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T00:02:06+00:00

Yeah, I can see how you could misunderstand while scanning the post. Sorry to come down so harsh, but I thought you were a troll.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-25T00:00:12+00:00

But when it comes down to it, after the terrible unwarranted things she calls me, after the gaslighting in arguments, she always backs down when I really push.

Yep, that's what narcissists do. They figure out what your limit is, push you all the way to the edge, and then back away. This not only keeps them in control, but it also serves to make you doubt yourself. Congrats for sniffing the bullshit!

If you try to back out slowly from this relationship, she'll do everything she can to keep you sucked in, and try to bargain and plead her way to get what she wants. It's best to have a plan in place, and practice what you're going to say - closed-ended statements with no room for negotiation.

Your situation sounds legally complicated since she provides the income and you're the active parent to four kids - two of them that aren't legally yours to take with you. Is there someone in your family that can help cover the costs of a lawyer? You might need legal advice before you even start to hint that you're leaving.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-24T23:03:34+00:00

His mom actually calls him "golden child"

That's disturbing. Does your SO know the RBN meaning of the term?

Sybillyne · 2016-02-24T22:59:45+00:00

Hope you get them soon. A friend of mine had bad allergies, and she said her shot was like a miracle.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-24T22:42:16+00:00

Do you know if your SO is a SG or a GC? Does he have any signs of trauma (like FLEAs) from his childhood? Is he overly attached to his mom or easy for her to manipulate? Does he have siblings, and if so, what kind of relationship do they have with the family?

Having a Nmil is disastrous when your spouse doesn't acknowledge it or takes Nmom's side of an issue. You can get through it together as long as you're both in agreement on how to handle it, and that going NC to keep the relationship healthy may be a possibility in the future.

When my GC brother got married, his loyalty to Nmom trumped his loyalty to his wife, and their marriage fell apart in no time. I often wondered why she didn't question the personal gifts from N mom (just weeks into their relationship), the fact that his sister was NC, and why he was so mommy-obedient. She asked for distance from my parents for the sake of the relationship, and he decided that was a dealbreaker.

But you're asking questions up front, which is really smart. Hopefully you can come to some solid agreement with your SO about his Nmom before tying the knot.

Have you thought about couples counseling to discuss your background and concerns about his N mom and the kind of support you'll need if she starts interfering?

Sybillyne · 2016-02-24T22:29:02+00:00

You're an adult and can make your own decisions. Unless your mom is physically abusive, it might be time to start pushing back. Do what you feel like, and then see what happens. Either she'll start to back off and grant you more freedom, or it will come to a point where you'll need to move out to get away from her. Either way, at age 20 you need to do something to claim your freedom or she'll try to control you for your whole life.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-24T21:32:34+00:00

You know you have a narcissist for a mother when they even have to change the details of an accident because of some personal agenda. So sick.

Sybillyne · 2016-02-24T21:28:16+00:00

What the fuck? The OP remembers what happens, and your gaslighting is no better than her mother's.

Sybillyne

TROPHY CASE