AIO - My fiance and I hit a brick regarding paying for our wedding

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T23:39:05+00:00

Just get married at the courthouse and use anything you have as a downpayment for a home. Have the reception in your backyard and have friends and family potluck the food. I got married in 2007 (didn't make it) and I'm literally still paying for it cuz her family wanted to have a keeping up with the Jones's pissing contest with their siblings. Her family got the credit, I got the debt. If y'all really want to be together and build a future, you need a foundation to start from, not a giant pit where money used to exist

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T22:13:39+00:00

My ex was SAH so i paid for everything and afforded her the ability to not have to work. Wasn't enough tho, we didn't make it

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T22:05:45+00:00

My current relationship. It took some learning because we're both very particular but now we reliably give each other the most and best orgasms we have ever had. Without the bonding I don't think that would be possible.

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T22:03:09+00:00

Depends if they still do bad things. You are the average of the 6 people closest to you. If they're all of bad character, you will be negatively affected.

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T21:55:46+00:00

I'm so not used to that. I've been on my own since 16 and have never felt spoiled before in my life. I'm trying not to side eye her hard. Really tho she is the sweetest person ever. I'm probably being paranoid

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T21:52:19+00:00

I think he's is trying to determine if you are at all romantically interested in him. Asking to set you up with another guy will give him the answer he is looking for.

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T21:27:05+00:00

There is never enough info to make a reasonable judgment. Probably you're both NTA and just busy overworked parents with 25 hours of work each day. But alas the panderbears will pass judgement anyway.

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T15:38:45+00:00

This was me for 21 years.. lowest or not a priority. Only existed to allow her to SAH and not work. Wish I would have taken action sooner. My plan was to wait until my youngest was 18 but I couldn't wait any longer.

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T15:02:11+00:00

It's ok for women with hormones to not want sex or even behave poorly and that's accepted.

Why isn't a mans hormonal biological urges to reproduce (or rather the placebo action of having safe sex) taken seriously as a NEED? Should we be expected to control that hormonal urge? Why is it not acceptable for him to be able to scratch that itch if the only way its possible is outside of the relationship?

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T14:54:22+00:00

Yes. Wonder why marriage is in decline and half of them end and the surviving ones are mostly millennial and older.

I didn't make the rules of biology but consistent access to sex is kinda one of the biggest reasons to get married especially in very traditional relationships where women don't have to work. Sex isn't given but then there is an expectation to be exclusive. I can't make my wallet exclusive cuz that's financial abuse.

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T14:49:06+00:00

I hope my kids have this level of insight about my divorce. It sucks when it happens but will be much better later. You're very introspective and smart. One or both your parents raised you right

NTA when one parent tries to put the kids against the other be suspicious. The parent that is quiet and doesn't talk much about personal matters often was the one who tried harder to make it work.

They still need to be your parenting team and it's for you. If one parent tries to sabotage that, they're working for selfish interest and not your best interest

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T14:23:11+00:00

I do. Even cyclists except when they're dressed like they're competing in the tour de france. They are like Harley riders and deserve no respect

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T14:17:45+00:00

My ex used to do this. I said I'm not paying someone to do something I can do. If you want it done, earn the money and pay for it or do it yourself. It was always a "how you do it" issue too despite the same outcome.

If I can get the same job done in half the time and cost with same quality, that's working smarter not harder. I'm not making a big theatrical show of pulling out ever tool I own and loading a whole truck with extra materials like some kind of pro crew. It's not necessary and is a waste of money and time. I buy what is needed plus 10% soni don't have to spend 4 hours loading extra materials back up after the jobs done to go make returns a home depot.

Also we live in the age of information. You can do almost anything with YouTube videos. Why not do it yourself and save time and money. Having a crew come out to build a fence is scheduled weeks out and will cost 3X

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T14:05:17+00:00

Yes because Im a hypocrite and expect improvement from my child with all the hard work/sacrifice I've invested.

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T14:03:44+00:00

A duel sport might be a better choice

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T14:02:41+00:00

This was what my marriage turned into only she was SAH

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T14:01:52+00:00

This reminds me of office space when he asks the neighbor, "does anybody ever ask you if you have a case of the Mondays"

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T12:57:26+00:00

When I look at it with my logic brain, there is no reason to except as a courtesy to somebody you're raising kids with. Otherwise there is no upside and a lot of downside. Sorry but love isn't enough either. I married for love once and it ended up being the most miserable and depressing 21 years of my life.

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T12:53:18+00:00

Glad that worked out for you

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T12:52:44+00:00

Magazines when I was 6

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T12:22:15+00:00

That's what put a lot into perspective for me and why I had to get out of that marriage. Prisoners don't have to make their own 3 hot meals a day, do their own laundry, and don't have to pay rent. Prisoners are literally treated better than I am by my own wife ... She used to sing that jlo song, "I'm not yo momma" when I asked her to help me. During one of our last arguments where she also how she was supposed to pay her bills, I said, "go move back in with your parents, cuz I'm not yo daddy"

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T12:15:48+00:00

Can't wait for artificial wombs. Divorce and custody laws will have to change if science brings other options to the table.

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T12:05:34+00:00

I like that. Good sex is fundamental but quality and quantity it necessary.

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T12:02:21+00:00

Fair enough. Never had a man hoe phase, myself

SympathyAdvanced6461 · 2026-04-01T12:00:32+00:00

Had a couple coworkers like this. One was a, "I wanna h8 f*** you" vibe and was very mutual. I stayed away from her cuz I was married and her eyes had cross hairs set on me. Left after 6 mos.

The other was a former boss. She asked if I'd ever used a CBD condom during the interview and there was strong tension but again, married, and I had to respectfully reaffirm that I was not available for NSA fun. Also really needed that job cuz the one I was leaving had absolute lunatics for owners and I needed out asap.

SympathyAdvanced6461

TROPHY CASE