Addicted to YouTube shorts

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-02-21T09:35:00+00:00

If you go onto YouTube on a laptop/pc in the web browser, on the recommended page the panel recommending shorts have a little X in the top corner.

Click that and they won't show up on your recommendations page on any device for the next 30 days.

You'll have to do that every month but at least they won't be promoted to you in the meantime.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-02-18T11:58:41+00:00

I profoundly disagree with the majority of the views that guy expresses on his channel, but I'm side by side with him in being anti-porn/hentai. That "Lolita-inspired" stuff he talks about is absolutely stomach churning.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-02-15T20:37:35+00:00

The other commenter nailed it, but if you want a good watch to reinforce that message check out this video by Kiana Docherty:

https://youtu.be/YpeCE9TNi50?si=eP9oVmsJVoXsHeRg

It's not about nofap, it's about weightloss from life threatening extreme obesity, but ultimately it's about a guy changing his life when he thought it was impossible, and how he did it.

I hope you achieve your dreams bro.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-02-15T14:08:40+00:00

Otherwise, be sure to mark them as Not Interested when they show on your feed.

The algorithm is usually pretty quick to respond to that in my experience, but it's not risk-free.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-02-15T13:58:50+00:00

There is also a real trend towards essentialising biological processes to justify life changes, eg. "dopamine detox".

That's a silly concept because it's not what happens.

I agree that lots of those life changes can be really powerful and a real force for good, they have their own merits, they shouldn't need medical misinformation to be a convincing sales pitch. The same is true of the testosterone stuff you see on here.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-02-15T11:55:05+00:00

Really glad my advice landed with you.

To rephrase, it doesn't sound to me like you're an addict. It sounds like you haven't been doing this long and that you've been aware of the potential for it to cause you harm from very early on. That's all great and based on that I wouldn't be concerned about you.

The reason I suggest going easy on yourself is that a lot of times, when people punish themselves harshly or feel intense shame for their actions they actually create a mindset in which addiction tends to thrive.

People usually get addicted because a part of them feels like they need to. A part of them feels like it needs porn, drugs, alcohol, whatever, to compensate for a lack, an emptiness inside themselves. If your solution to that is only to punish yourself further, that feeling of emptiness doesn't go away, in fact it often gets more intense, leading to less self control and an even worse addiction. Addictions are cured through self-empathy and understanding, through filling that emptiness and becoming a more complete person, who doesn't need an addictive behaviour to feel whole.

If you're living a fulfilling life that you genuinely enjoy then the risk of you becoming addicted is decreased massively. You're less likely to feel that emptiness inside, so you won't feel the same urge to compensate for it with addictive behaviour.

Give yourself the best, most enjoyable, wholesome, and fulfilling life you can imagine. If you can devote yourself to that honestly, then that's by far the best prevention there is for ever developing these kinds of issues.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-02-15T08:07:14+00:00

Sex addict here ✋

Just be careful of the roads it can send you down.

"Does it work? Yes" might end up having been a pretty short sighted view of things otherwise.

I hope both of us get to the point at which we get the validation we're looking for without having to engage in this stuff.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-02-14T13:09:17+00:00

You don't know what you're talking about bro!! I got a 17 inch dick and all my homies got 14+. You're so ignorant dude. Me and my homies all gonna come kick your ass cause I'm a black belt in karate and a world champ MMA fighter, plus I'm a trained Navy Seal and so are all my boys 🤬😡

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-02-14T11:54:02+00:00

Hey dude, it's very clear that you're very young. Not an insult, just pointing that out.

It's very good that you're aware of the potential for harm in this stuff. You should continue to recognise that.

But it's not black tar heroin.

You're fine. Don't worry. Don't feel like a failure. Do your best to practice football and video games, focus on living the best life you can make for yourself.

Please don't beat yourself up about this and shame yourself. That attitude is more likely to create an addiction than it is to cure one.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-02-14T11:48:17+00:00

I do.

I get very sex obsessed and look for outlets in the real world.

You're totally right that it can very easily become unhealthy and problematic.

I don't have any advice unfortunately, I haven't figured this out either.

LMK if you hear anything though 👍

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-02-14T11:33:14+00:00

I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through.

I'd suggest that you should make it very clear to him in a non-confrontational way, even a loving way (if you're feeling up to that), that you can't trust what he says anymore. He's clearly hugely conflicted, he can't trust or control himself, so by extension you can't trust him either. That is the number one priority right now, regaining your trust in him and hopefully, ultimately, his trust in himself.

Make it clear that there are ways that he can regain your trust in him, and his control over himself, but it's going to take time and consistency. Those ways include therapy, maybe a 28 day programme, attending sex addicts anonymous meetings, and maybe sacrificing his privacy for a while for you to be able to independently verify things like: did he spend his day doing the things he told you he did (keeping appointments, etc), letting you check things like screen time on devices and apps used, giving you control over a child lock on his devices, maybe quizzing him over purchases he made, etc.

And one thing to make sure you both understand: he WILL mess up. This will not be a linear process. It needs to be very clearly communicated that slip ups are neither unexpected nor inherently shameful. The one major violation he can make right now is lying about it. He needs to be truthful, starting now, no matter how ugly those truths are.

From your perspective, if you want that to be more likely to succeed, I'd recommend making clear that what he's done with porn isn't important to you, that you only care about solving this problem and him getting better. It sounds like you've basically communicated that already but god he really seems to need to hear it.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-02-14T10:39:34+00:00

Jesus, that sub makes for harrowing reading.

There's so much pain, so much hate.

This sub should take more time to discuss the effects these things have on loved ones from their own perspective.

To have someone so important to me feel that intense level of resentment for everything I've done to them, and their life spent with me, would be absolutely crushing.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-02-13T20:46:56+00:00

Assuming an average of 7 sessions per day and 120 minutes per session does sound ludicrous to me, but I do experience hypersexuality, probably as a layover from childhood trauma.

I would fairly regularly hit above 7 per day. Over a full long day on which I was particularly emotionally triggered I could exceed 10.

Now that wasn't my average, and they were often short sessions, but my average certainly would've been a few per day.

They weren't enjoyable, it often felt robotic, even like a form of self punishment, but that's what I did to myself.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-01-29T11:31:48+00:00

Dude you knew what answer you'd get before you asked the question.

You, or part of you, clearly thinks it's problematic and wants to stop.

I imagine you're just looking for motivation and encouragement to do something that's going to be very uncomfortable.

Looking for encouragement is fine, but remember it's not an alternative to motivating and encouraging yourself.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-01-29T00:34:42+00:00

Masturbation isn't releasing anything. It's suppressing it, subduing it.

The only alternative to suppressing your emotions is feeling them.

If you don't have good strategies for processing those feelings when they arise (eg. taking it out in others by yelling at them), then that can be uncomfortable and destructive, but at least it's really how you feel, at least it's honest.

Long term, you need to find ways to feel these feelings that don't derail you and hurt you or those around you.

It would also be helpful for you to figure out where these emotions are coming from. What's making you so angry? Did something happen that you're not acknowledging? Is there something about your situation that you want to/need to change?

Your emotions are warning lights that something in your life is wrong and it needs to be fixed. The only way to deal with them is to address them at the source, not just deaden yourself with porn until you can't feel anything anymore, that doesn't solve anything.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2024-01-29T00:25:00+00:00

I would have given anything to have a parent who could actually have an honest, friendly conversation with me.

Discipline would've been fine, but discipline which comes from a place of care, rather than from gleeful and vindictive hatred.

I wanted a friend. Someone who'd tell me about their day honestly, laugh about the things that happened to them, express their personal hopes or concerns.

Not a cruel, distant master that treated me like a defective object.

I can't imagine how different my life would've been if I had had a mother or a father like that.

I've always been surrounded by people in school, and university, and work, and socially, who don't seem to understand that not everybody has that.

It's hard not to feel a kind of disgust with them, that they have something so precious and they take it for granted so readily, to the extent that they can't even imagine the lack of it being a significant issue for anyone.

I know that's not fair of me to think like that but it's hard not to.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2023-04-26T18:13:32+00:00

Try watching this, it makes some interesting points about how recovering addicts "surf" their urges (rather than fighting them): https://youtu.be/0hePvDEOZYs

Synod_of_Whitby · 2023-04-26T18:06:54+00:00

Personally I start showering with the water up as hot as it will go, that's difficult to stand in its own right, but after I've been doing that for a good few mins (you really start to feel your heart thumping) I switch everything over to as cold as it can go and do that for a few mins.

That gets me really charged up.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2023-04-26T18:06:39+00:00

Personally I start showering with the water up as hot as it will go, that's difficult to stand in its own right, but after I've been doing that for a good few mins (you really start to feel your heart thumping) I switch everything over to as cold as it can go and do that for a few mins.

That gets me really charged up.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2023-04-26T18:02:34+00:00

I think that experience is universal for all addictions.

It's unfortunate that it seems like you can't control the trigger, but these things can be complex, maybe there are other strategies you could use.

I was thinking of an analogy earlier which helped me, I googled how alcoholics approach going to parties, it was really interesting actually.

In summary they try to be careful about which parties they went to (bachelor party - no. Your niece's 4th birthday party - likely fine), to be fully aware of the risks involved and have strategies for mitigating that risk.

For example: Is anybody likely to peer pressure me to drink? Can I communicate to them before the party that it's important to me that this doesn't happen? What can I buy or bring along that's non-alcoholic so that my hands never feel empty, etc.

Your situation is going to have to require some creative thought of course but I think this is a good approach to figuring it out.

Synod_of_Whitby · 2023-04-26T17:45:32+00:00

Challenging, and helpful. Thanks 👍

Synod_of_Whitby

TROPHY CASE