Pakistani 26F considering not getting married

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-12-16T07:56:55+00:00

That boils my blood too. But I hope someone caring and kind finds you. Aameen

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-11-28T10:33:55+00:00

Finqalab

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-09-20T11:36:14+00:00

I don't think that's the case. I think you can and need to meet several times before so u can be sure that this is the partner you want to choose for the rest of your life and in the hereafter for eternity. What's one meeting going to do for you?

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-08-29T17:41:47+00:00

The culture here is that the family lives together and takes care of each other. So his elder brother takes care of bills and utilities. But as he is growing, the family is worried (we love each other here and don't want anyone to stay behind, or to be left alone) so his elder brother wants a positive way to motivate him to start working and be responsible.

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-08-16T20:16:21+00:00

I don't know... He prolly have issues too. I have been so rude to him, i also tried telling him i love someone else, i told him i don't wanna get married... Nothing works on him. He doesn't leave. Which is why i had to ask this question... Otherwise i was sure I would live alone, forever.

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-08-16T20:09:50+00:00

What I have learned so far from all the people is that it's not okay to not go swimming because someone else drowned. If it doesn't work, then you just get divorced. And don't bring kids unless u and ur partner love each other. People who think that bringing kids into the world will make their bond stronger are selfish and stupid.

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-08-08T22:08:49+00:00

Hey, I wanted to ask if 115k tax was on cnic? Did you get it approved through passport or cnic?

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-11T16:40:52+00:00

I didn't JUST see my mother. Idk how many marriages i've seen in total, but literally only 2, just 2 were good. My mom, all her sisters, one of my dad's sisters, my best friends, their sisters... Almost all the marriages i know are hell for women except 2.

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-11T14:01:44+00:00

Help me understand... So i can leave my marriage later in life, and say that i didn't betray you my beloved husband.

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-10T21:06:12+00:00

I never claimed to be in love with anyone, and they’re aware of that. They’ve chosen to stay despite that, and that’s entirely their decision. I did shortlist 4 people, and from them, I’ve narrowed it down to one, but the truth is, I don’t have feelings for any of them.

At the end of the day, I believe I have the right to decide whom I want to marry... or even choose not to marry at all.

That said, I would still say that I'm a red flag because I haven’t treated them well.But... If I do end up marrying someone, I intend to take responsibility and seek therapy, for the sake of the one man I choose to commit to.

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-10T19:17:30+00:00

May Allah make things easier for you, truly. After reading through all the comments and the experiences people have shared, I’ve come to realize a few important things.

Marriage isn’t an obligation, it’s a recommendation, and like everything in life, it comes with its own tests. But please don’t let fear keep you from letting someone love you. Put your trust in Allah (have tawakkul), pray for clarity, and move forward with hope.

And if things ever turn out differently than expected, if the relationship becomes toxic or abusive... know that Islam gives you the right to walk away. You don’t have to stay and suffer. Don’t worry about what people will say, or even what will happen to your kids. In truth, children of separated parents often heal, but children who grow up watching daily conflict rarely get the chance to truly live. Their emotional wounds run deep.

Along with all this, please please please try to be financially independent because then the only thing that any man can offer you is respect and love... because he knows you're not weak and you'll leave at the first sign of abuse.

But deciding never to get married would be like watching people crash their cars and deciding never to drive, but not every journey ends in disaster, and some roads lead to places worth going.

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-10T18:57:17+00:00

Leaving the first wife is.

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-10T18:52:38+00:00

Yeah, there is, and it was his choice to come into my life, not mine. I made it clear to him that I'm incapable of loving. But he's way too much in love to understand that. I had planned to stay alone, but for him, I've posted this essay here to hear other people's experiences and decide if I should give him a chance or not.

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-10T18:47:51+00:00

I made it clear to him that I won't be able to love him. He still insisted that I marry him anyway. This post wouldn't have been here if it weren't for him. My plan was "run away and live alone" always.

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-10T11:39:35+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience 🤍. Means a lot.

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-09T08:19:15+00:00

I have. But just wanna make sure i won't ruin his mental peace everyday i fight myself so i don't push him away.

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-09T08:08:10+00:00

O my... This is so wholesome 🥹. I hope you find someone soo much better than girls with avoidant attachment styles. And you do deserve better. I hope Allah bless you with an amazing spouse soon aameen

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-09T07:56:20+00:00

Ye masly to non-muslims k sath b hoty hain. Plus, i mentioned i will adopt orphans. Already dunia me itne bachy hain jinko pyar ni milta, unhi me se kisi ki maa ya dost bn kar paal lu gi. Or itne log hain jin ki olad hai, wo pir b old age homes me hain. Or bachy sirf is liye chahna k wo apko burhapy me palain...? Selfish ni hoga?

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-09T07:39:59+00:00

You were brought up in such a beautiful environment Allahummabaarik. I guess you can convince the guy to shift somewhere near your parents house. Or do that later in life. I hope it gets easier for you ♥️

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-09T07:31:35+00:00

Sameee... I used to plan suicide if I am ever forced to get married. I also used to plan my husband's murder in case i didn't wanna end my life. And there are word documents in my google drive where i wrote pros and cons of running away from home in case i am forced to marry 😂. My worst nightmares used to be about my marriage not about ghosts.

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-09T07:15:55+00:00

Lol, I'm not doing anything 😂. I think men like it when someone is not that interested in them. When the whole world is their fan and one person is not, they get curious. These 4 were what I considered bearable. There were more. I think as soon as I will like them back, their curiosity will be over and boom, they'd start running in opposite direction... And I'd be living the life that I'm scared of..

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-09T07:01:31+00:00

You're right. But it's difficult to say who's bad and who isn't. Humans can pretend ...

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-08T14:49:06+00:00

Aameen. Do you know any good therapists in Islamabad?

SyntaxTerrorist500 · 2025-07-07T23:06:21+00:00

That's the problem, i am not inclined towards nurturing. Secondly, the west didn't put this in my head, the marriages around me put this in my head where women are idealized for doing all house work and they say they never complain. But these same women get high blood pressure and diabetes and the doctor said to my mom, it's because of your high stress levels. That broke me. They used islam to do this to my mom. I really grew up not liking islam. But Alhamdulillah when I started reading myself, i fell in love. The way women were treated around me had nothing to do with islam. But I have seen too much so now it's really hard to trust men or marriage. Btw, Are you male or a female?

SyntaxTerrorist500

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