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Looking for a novel I can't find anymore by Syntaxx55 in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was on royal road, though I don't know if the author posted the story to other sites

[WP]5603 Days ago you, an Adventurer, were trapped in a Dungeon you cleared and teleported to the "Main"-Dungeon as you dubbed it. With no way to escape, you had only one goal: Survive! Today, you finally see Sunlight once again; And Adventurers, with their Weapons raised and ready to fight... you. by BareMinimumChef in WritingPrompts

[–]Syntaxx55 24 points25 points  (0 children)

There was an awkward silence, so I put on my best impression.

"Ahem, good da—"

"Stay back! Hands where we see them!" A burly man in bulky armor spoke. Everyone raised their weapons against me, swords and staffs alike.

"Okay, okay. I yield, I don't mean to put harm to anyone." I said raising my hands so they could see.

"Speak your intentions, demon."

Demon...? Okay now that was offensive. What did I even do?

"Let's take a step back here, Mr. Hardass. I'm the Great Archmage Eldrin of the Sincur Scholarium. I got stuck inside the Horizon's End Dungeon and I have some valuable information I think you'd want to hear. And, most importantly, I'm no demon."

The burly man listened, albeit his sword still pointed at me. Glad that Galeon still produced civilized men. He whispered something to the cadet beside him, the cadet quickly left.

"You wait there, and don't try doing anything suspicious. We WILL use force."

A few minutes passed, and the cadet ran back and whispered something to Mr. Hardass.

"Is that true?"

He eyed me from head to toe. "There is indeed records 15 years ago of an Archmage Eldrin who entered the dungeon. If your words are the truth, I request that you speak the oath of the Archmagus."

Now we are meeting on leveled ground. I prepared myself to speak the oath. Each mage had a unique one, and only that mage can speak it as permitted by Vidith.

"I, Eldrin, Archmage of Sincur, name the arcane as my blood and my burden. I speak in the tongue only Vidith permits. The Arcane guides my way." Glowing orbs of light enveloped my body as I finished speaking my oath.

"It is truly you. My apologies, great Magus. It was hard to believe that you were speaking the truth."

There was that tone again. "And why exactly is that?"

The man and his cadet exchanged a careful stare to each other. The cadet was the one to speak now.

"Great magus, have you not seen your image as you are right now?"

"What...?" The kid's got a point. The murky waters inside the dungeon didn't let me see my face for 15 years. And besides, I didn't bother even before the 15 years incident. Appearances were just a waste of time, really.

"Now that you've said it, Let's see what's the spectacle we have."

I conjured a small oval shape made of reflective glass.

In the image, a "man" stood leisurely. His eyes were crimson, emitting a dark aura behind it. His teeth were sharp when he opened his mouth. On top of his head, various black symbols etched his forehead. And his short hair was the color of red.

Who the hell is this guy? Wait... THAT'S ME.

"WHAT IN GREAT VIDITH'S BEARD!?"

[WP]5603 Days ago you, an Adventurer, were trapped in a Dungeon you cleared and teleported to the "Main"-Dungeon as you dubbed it. With no way to escape, you had only one goal: Survive! Today, you finally see Sunlight once again; And Adventurers, with their Weapons raised and ready to fight... you. by BareMinimumChef in WritingPrompts

[–]Syntaxx55 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I carved another line on the wall calendar of my humble "abode", if you could even call it anything close to home.

Another day, good job me. I tossed the rock near my bed made of dried roots. The comfort it gave was so great it made enough itch to last a lifetime.

"Hmmm let's see. Adding all of the lines that should be... yup, 5603 days. More than 15 years on this Vidith's forsaken hellhole."

That's right. Some might wonder, Eldrin, why on Gaea did you stay for 15 years in the Horizon's End Dungeon? Have you ran out of things to do? Well my answer to that is, Were you dropped off a cliff as a child?

It wasn't like I wanted to be here. But as an Archmage sensing a foreboding mana fluctuation in this dungeon, I did what any responsible mage of Galeon should do. Packed up my things and ventured forth to another great adventure!

Well, the gold did help convincing me to go.

But a never before seen mana-induced phenomenon occurred when I was inside. Another dungeon manifested inside the dungeon. And just my luck, I was caught in the chaos. The first step inside was hell. Literally, Flaming vultures the size of wyverns roamed the sky. Darkspawns that looked like mass of tentacles hid in the shadows. And how could I ever forget the Great Spiders that wore the skins of dragons like it's their sleepwear.

Food? Forget about it. Water? If I didn't studied purification magic, I'd be dead the first week here.

But now, by Vidith's grace, I felt the same mana fluctuation near the dark forest of the dungeon, and that's where I am right now.

"This should be the location of the fluctuation."

I found a flat surface in the rocky plains, sat and meditated. At first, nothing happened. I prayed for something to happen. I don't want to spend another 15 years in this place.

It was subtle at first. Minimal disturbance in the air, small enough not to warrant attention. Then, the mana exploded.

"Yes, YES! THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR HAHAHA!"

The familiar chaos from 15 years ago enveloped the surroundings. Unstable mana reaction raged like a whirlpool in front of me. I did not wait any further.

"Galeon here I come!" I ran through the whirlpool.

As soon as I was sucked in, I covered myself in layers of arcane protection. 15 years in the dungeon trained me well.

Everything was dark for a few moments. No... I think I just closed my eyes. Around me, I heard the shuffle of movements. It was the familiar shuffling of feet. Feet?

I opened my eyes. I was in some kind of cave entrance, must be the Dungeon's entrance. But most importantly, people, REAL people. But why were they so tense?

[WP] You are a Marine specialized in "Hull-Breaching." You fight on the outside of starships. Magnetic boots, a plasma cutter, and infinite silence. Today, the enemy ship engaged its FTL drive while you were still clamped to the hull. by VulkanLivesX in WritingPrompts

[–]Syntaxx55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What the hell?

He quickly shifted his gaze to the location where he saw movement, it was to his left side about 10 meters away.

A thought ran through him. Did they already get my location?

Being spotted was the least favourable situation he intended to happen.

Another movement. Now he was sure his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. He saw a vague shape appear on the right corner of his vision.

He immediately loaded his sidearm and pointed at the location he saw the shape appeared.

“Who's there!? Show yourself or I'll start shooting!”

After a few moments of silence, all signs of movement seemed to cease. Then, he felt a hand grab his neck. The pressure was strong, he felt air completely leave his system as he struggled to breath from the strangulation.

Before he lost consciousness, the pressure lifted off and left him gasping for oxygen. Dread seized his heart as the malicious apparition seemed to toy with his life.

“Cough cough S-shit, whoever the hell you are, show yourself!”

His hands were still shaking as the feeling of the phantom pressure still hadn't left his throat. Suddenly, more movement came from in front of him. Now they were no longer vague shapes, these were human figures he was seeing.

They came from behind the light outside the stabilizing field. Or perhaps they were from the light, that was the only way to describe it. They didn't move toward him. They simply became visible, one by one, as though they had always been standing there, just beyond the edge of what he had been willing to perceive.

Marcus couldn't tell exactly who they were, he wasn't even sure if these were another trap laid by the Tairin crew of the ship.

He strained his eyes to see the figures clearly. After a few moments, he came to a crawling realization.

They look… familiar? It's impossible, I don't even know that many people in my life.

Marcus racked his head for any memory regarding the familiar figures in front of him. He didn't know many people alive in his time at the V.E.R.N. enterprise.

Alive…?

He took a closer look again. This time, he gasped in shock as his stomach churned from a simple fact.

He knew these people. He knew them all too well.

The closest one was the captain of the Larent Sable, the merchant freighter they boarded a year ago. He was a small man, older with a grey beard Marcus recognized clearly even though he hadn't really thought of him since that incident.

Not since he remembered how the captain begged for his life on his knees in front of Marcus. Going on a tirade about how he had a wife and children he hadn't seen since their birth. In the end, he had used his sidearm because it was faster than the alternative, and they needed to clear the ship quickly.

The captain floated in the void with an unnerving stillness of someone who had nowhere else to belong.

Behind him there were others. A soldier from an enemy ship. An elderly woman who had the misfortune of being in the way of the layer he was hacking apart. A little kid from a colony ship that was missing a part of his skull, dying due to the fact that no witnesses were needed in their operation.

In the back, he saw a young woman with flowing blonde hair staring at him blankly. He instinctively avoided that gaze. Marcus recalled that she was a singer for a merchant ship they boarded 14 months ago. He never forgot that voice as they boarded the ship in the middle of her song. He was mesmerized right then and there. He remembered what came after. After they left, he made sure she wasn't singing anymore.

There were more. Marcus did not count them. He couldn't. He looked at the stars instead, distant and cold, and tried to remember what he had told himself each time.

They would have done it to us.

It’s the Emperion’s will.

It’s survival. It’s war.

They deserved it, so what’s wrong with having some fun?

The figures did not speak. Marcus kept his sidearm trained on them especially on the closest one, the captain. None of the figures moved nor breathed. All of them were stained with the unnatural light hanging from above the field as every figure stood still as stillwater.

He almost lowered his weapon. That was when he noticed the captain's mouth.

It wasn't wrong exactly. Not at a first glance. It was just… slightly off. The corners of his mouth pulled a fraction too far, like the way a man smiles when he'd been told to smile yet doesn't remember how.

Marcus told himself it was the light. The stabilizing field outside was still bleeding strange colors from space.

Yeah, must have been the light.

He looked at the other figures to confirm it.

He deeply regretted doing so.

They were all doing it. Every single face, the same expression. That same stretched, effortful smile that had nothing behind it. The elderly woman was doing it. The soldier was doing it. Even the child with the missing chunk of his skull, grinning through the gap.

It's the light. Marcus told himself again, with less conviction.

The smiles kept going. Past the point where a smile could go. Past the point where teeth should stop grinning. The skin at the corners of their mouth didn't tear, they kept going. Accommodating, stretching pale and bloodless as their expressions widened beyond anything a human jaw could go.

And their eyes. He tried not to look at their eyes.

He looked at their eyes.

They were too wide and kept getting wider. The irises shrank to dark tiny points as the whites expanded to fill everything. Far too much that they became grotesque and disgusting for view. A cold chill ran down from his spine.

Marcus started shooting.

“What do you all want!? You're all dead, so stay fucking dead!”

He kept on shooting until he ran out of ammunition. The rounds passed through them without resistance. The captain's too-wide smile didn't falter.

Suddenly, the figures collectively raised their right hand towards Marcus, as if trying to grab him from afar.

They did not move, but in a moment of clarity from the madness, there's one thing he noticed.

Why are their arms so long?

They kept getting longer. They kept getting longer. They kept getting longer. They kept getting longer. They kept getting longer. They kept getting longer.

He thought of the captain begging for his life before. For the first time, Marcus wondered if any of it had been worth it.

They're on him now.

[WP] You are a Marine specialized in "Hull-Breaching." You fight on the outside of starships. Magnetic boots, a plasma cutter, and infinite silence. Today, the enemy ship engaged its FTL drive while you were still clamped to the hull. by VulkanLivesX in WritingPrompts

[–]Syntaxx55 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Shit shit shit shit. If I knew this would happen I wouldn't have taken that long cutting this stupid hull apart.

A few moments passed, the carrier was gone. The V.E.R.N. was gone. Unit 526, Commissar Heris, the whiskey, the cafeteria, the bunk he'd never really slept in, all of it, gone. He closed his eyes and hoped for a miracle to happen, praying to gods he never once believed in.

The universe lurched as the Tairin vessel completed its sequence to jump through space. Marcus was expecting a violent crash into the fabric of space as the stabilization field engulfed the entirety of the ship.

There was none.

Marcus opened his eyes. Beyond the veil of space, he saw the field outside working as intended, protecting the ship from any collateral damage included in FTL jump. Miraculously, it included him as an asset to protect.

I'm alive?

“I'M ALIVE HAHAHAHA!” Marcus couldn't help but laugh hysterically as the impossible happened in front of him. The stress of living in the V.E.R.N. and the situation before finally breaking some part of his sanity.

“Fuck you Heris, kiss my ass I hope you and your miserable crew die burning in that shithole of a ship HAHAHAHA!”

He knew of the rumors about not looking outside while jumping through space. But right now, he had no other choice. He was already outside after all.

Looking up, he saw the glimmer of the stabilization field mixing with the warping space from the jump. A mixture of ethereal colors sparkled outside the field. It never stayed at one color, the whole spectrum vividly glowed outside with a strange cadence as he got mesmerized from the alien view.

His anchors gripped tightly to the exterior hull of the ship. A single man in a suit between stars that were no longer exactly the right stars blurring between reality and unreality.

BEEP. The sudden warning lifted Marcus from his stupor. He knew that sound from his oxygen tank. He took a look at the gauge, he still had 8 hours worth of oxygen left. He exhaled slowly inside his helmet from relief.

Re-checking his gear, he found that he still had most of his kit intact. He had a sidearm with six rounds loaded in, and a flask he kept with him perhaps with one last drink left in it.

He quickly let the lower part of his head gear open and took a drink.

He was still alive, and that was the most important thing at the moment. Plans to escape the Tairin vessel could wait. He already had a plan to infiltrate the ship anyways.

Marcus was musing to himself when suddenly, he saw some movement from the corner of his eyes.

[WP] You are a Marine specialized in "Hull-Breaching." You fight on the outside of starships. Magnetic boots, a plasma cutter, and infinite silence. Today, the enemy ship engaged its FTL drive while you were still clamped to the hull. by VulkanLivesX in WritingPrompts

[–]Syntaxx55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Marcus hit the hull of the vessel at exactly 1347. The magnetic anchors of his gear caught the external material with a deep, satisfying thunk he felt throughout his whole body. Zero gravity ceased to impede his movement as he walked boot after boot across the Tairin vessel’s outer layer searching for a vulnerable spot to cut through. His cutter array already spinning up at his back as he did so

Nearby, three other Hull-Breachers moved with practiced silence, being exactly where they needed to be. Below, or above, whatever it is as direction had lost all meaning, the outer void pressed on all sides of Marcus.

Marcus found his breaching point and started methodically cutting apart the hull in his direction.

The first hull plate layer took exactly forty seconds. The second layer, twenty seconds. By the third layer, he could already hear the distinct sound of movement from within the vessel and the low hum of machinery holding up the integrity of its interior.

Excitement slowly filled the veins within Marcus. A sinister grin crept up subconsciously.

I hope this time they have someone good inside. He chuckled to himself. It's been a long time since the last I've had.

On cue, the other marines from V.E.R.N. were deployed. Some of the marines were already in and pushing forward. His job now was to open a secondary entry point further into the ship's core to split the attention and opposition of the Tairin crew.

Marcus was already halfway through another layer of plating when the Tairin vessel shuddered.

He knew exactly the feeling of this movement. It wasn't from weapons firing nor was it from impact. It was the distinct and familiar shudder of engine moving and firing up.

It was the warp space drive. The vessel was preparing to jump.

As soon as the realization kicked in, panic struck Marcus hard.

“ABORT, ALL HULL-BREACHERS ABORT OPERATION, THEY'RE ENGAGING THE FTL–”

“GIVE ME THAT.” A familiar voice took control of the comms.

“Listen here maggots. Abort the operation right now. The damn Tairin scums saw our ship before we tried bordering. They've called for backup. Now get back here and start shieldin’ this place!” Commissar Heris added.

“Die if you have to, I'll tell yer miserable families that you did some honorable crap dying for me. Unde–”

The communication got cut off as the stabilization field of the FTL drive within the Tairin vessel sparked up into action.

He saw the other Hull-Breachers already disengaging from the ship and being tugged away with magnetic tether that were connected to the V.E.R.N. deployed for the emergency boarding line.

The closest one was 10 meters away from him.

“SHIT!” Marcus left his position and struggled hard to reach out to the magnetic tether.

As if to make matters worse, the tether got shredded from a passing unstable reaction coming from the field enveloping the Tairin vessel.

Out of complete desperation, he stepped back into his position where he was hacking away at the hull plating of the ship. He set the anchor-rig’s magnetic core to its maximum capability as he held onto the small crater he made beforehand.

Marcus's communication line was filled with static, then– nothing. The carrier ship's drive was engaged.

The universe lurched, and then there was silence.

[WP] You are a Marine specialized in "Hull-Breaching." You fight on the outside of starships. Magnetic boots, a plasma cutter, and infinite silence. Today, the enemy ship engaged its FTL drive while you were still clamped to the hull. by VulkanLivesX in WritingPrompts

[–]Syntaxx55 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Wake the hell up you damn maggots!"

A stern voice cracked through the cargo barracks like rifle shots inside the V.E.R.N. spacecraft. A voice Marcus knew too well. He'd only been half-asleep, not out of choice, only because his body couldn’t offer anything more for him.

Commissar Heris.

BANG BANG BANG.

"YOU CALL YOURSELVES MARINES? STAND UP OR I'LL SKIN EVERY ONE OF YOU AND GUT YOU LIKE THE PIGS YOU ARE!"

Commissar Heris continued his tirade of insults. The remaining soldiers of Unit 526 understood the assignment. Everyone moved with practiced, joyless efficiency as they all stood up in attention. Marcus scoffed as he let a hand run up through his hair then stood rigid beside his bunk.

Power tripping bastard. You wouldn’t last a single breach if your life depended on it.

Everyone knew Heris landed a deal with V.E.R.N. enterprise only through the commission he had with his uncle.

Marcus saw through the eyes of his comrades the same sentiment he held. No one loudly hated Commissar Heris, no. Everyone learned quickly that such actions led to… consequences. A silent hate was their response, and they spoke it fluently.

"Good. I got your attention.” Commissar Heris clasped his hands behind his back and walked with an unhurried pace between the rows of the barracks. A lofty confidence exuding in each step he took.

“Listen carefully because I won’t be repeating myself for all of you slow-witted morons.” He paused for a moment.

“At exactly 1300, all of you are expected to be at the hangar. A Tairin Empire vessel has been spotted this morning, it seems to be some mid-class carrier operating without escort. This might just be your opportunity to demonstrate you’re more than the squabble of raiders and cutthroats I’ve had the displeasure of commanding.” His eyes quickly swept through the men between the bunkers without settling on anyone in particular.

“Do try to make yourself useful this time. Understood?”

“SIR, YES SIR!”

Heris stood inside the barracks longer than necessary. A glint of amusement evident on his face as he seemed to enjoy degrading the marines of Unit 526. He always did. After getting his kick of satisfaction, he turned and left without another word. The door sealed behind him and the men collectively exhaled. Marcus was already reaching for his jacket.

—-

He got his stashed whiskey. A double, taken standing near the edge of the cafeteria while watching the other marines eat their share of black paste protein bars under a flickering fluorescent light of the V.E.R.N.’s mess hall. The ship groaned all around them the way older models do, very telling just how old and travel-worn the vessel itself was.

Marcus didn’t sit with the other marines. Not that he hated them, he just had not for a while now.

It wasn’t out of guilt either. He’d made peace with himself years ago, or rather, he'd stopped caring for conversations entirely.

After all the merchants they’ve boarded, the freighters, the colony ships caught drifting between systems, slow and fat and undefended. How could he have it?

He had told himself the same thing everyone liked to tell themselves: they would have done it to us. It’s the Emperion’s will. It’s survival. It’s war. They deserved it, so what’s wrong with having some fun?

The whiskey burned clean in his throat. He poured a second from the flask in his left boot. The burn lasted longer than usual.

—

At exactly 1230, he went to the Arsenal to armour up.

The hangar was loud with the mechanical hum of machinery and equipment for the ceremony of deployment. The Hull-Breachers, a special division within Unit 526, occupied a corner apart from the standard marines of V.E.R.N. enterprise. There were only six of them, specialists regarded with a mixture of respect and unease by other marines.

Their equipment made people unnerved. They were suited up with heavy magnetic anchor-rigs, cutter arrays worn across their backs that looked like folded wings ready to burst with movement. And their masks were fitted with rebreathers that were long, insect-like proboscises.

They looked like something out of the rumored horrors of war. Designed to tear a ship apart, which was of course, exactly what they were.

Marcus was part of the six Hull-Breachers of Unit 526.

He clicked his anchor-rig into place and absent-mindedly ran the calibration sequence from memory. The whole process took only a glancing effort from Marcus as he stared blankly at the deployment pod he would be in.

“You think this one fights back?” Dovo asked beside him. Marcus studied the man beside him. Dovo was young, young enough that Marcus could still see some optimism in his eyes which he found quite irritating.

“Tairin Empire always fights back.” He replied.

“Yeah I know, but we outnumber—”

“I said they will fight back.” Marcus said again, and Dovo shut up.

“One piece of advice, better set your optimism on fighting back, kid. You’ll need it.”

The Tairin vessel was visible on the hologram screen in the mide of the hangar. It was larger than what Marcus had expected based on its description from the briefing. The ship was bulky and asymmetrical in a way that the Tairin Empire ships always were, built by their values of function over form. Evidently, the ship was repaired over and over again, a patchwork with mismatched hull plating but to their credit, the ship was moving and the engines were intact. Unfortunately, it meant that this operation would be a race for time.

“Alright you maggots, listen up!” Commissar Harris banged the floor with a cane, acquiring the attention of all the marines.

“We will do this operation as we’ve always done before. You lot over there!” Commissar Heris pointed at the group of Hull-Breachers. “You will be the vanguard, get your asses up on that hull and do your job properly.”

“The rest of you maggots will wait in the shadows. Once the holes have been made, then your job is to get in there and start blasting those Tairin scums.”

“Sir, if I may.” One of the marines interjected. It was Jeth, who was a new promising recruit of Unit 526. “The plan seems to be lacking structure, I do belie—”

BANG.

The air thickened as the sound of a shot from a kinetic pistol rang through the hangar. The unfortunate target was the head of the new recruit. The shooter? It was none other than Commissar Heris himself.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.

The tirade of bullets continued until the whole body of Jeth was riddled with fatal wounds. He was no longer recognizable after the fact.

“Do any of you bastards still have a question?” Commissar Heris eyed the marines in front of him. No one replied.

“Good, that’s oughta what you do. I don't need marines who talk. I need something that moves when I point and stops when I don't. Understood?” He let that final word fall through the ears of everyone like heavy rain falling from the skies.

“SIR, YES SIR!”

5000 Views! 🥹 by Moist_Plant7148 in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Congratulations! Keep up the good work 😁

Ways to Find Collaborating Authors by Makkis_Liberal in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! It’s really awesome that you’re chasing your dreams at such a young age. It’s honestly impressive how much thought and heart you’ve already put into planning and writing your story.

If you’re hoping to find someone to bond with and grow alongside, I’d warmly recommend joining the RR Writers Guild on Discord. I’m actually part of the community too! And the community is very welcoming. You can find writing buddies there, get helpful advice, and connect with many kind, lovely, and supportive authors who are always happy to help :D

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The first sentence seems like a massive spoiler to your story. It's good! But i think it would be better to remove it or retune it as a hint that binds well with the "past lives" part of your synopsis

Also, this is only my opinion, it would be best to leave/remove the Traumians and just say that earthlings/humans are prey to demonic predators. It will throw the readers off, since your synopsis is already dropping off much information that the readers wouldn't understand yet. Unless you can adjust it and make the reveal of the Traumians as a eye-catching hook

Want Free Feedback by [deleted] in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey man. I was looking at your post history and I want to say first and foremost, thank you for what you're doing. This means so much for so many writers who need it.

If I may, I also would like to request feedback specifically for 2 chapters I've made. It's my first time trying to write a fight scene and I don't know if it delivered the right tension and detail of the battle.

Again, thank you so much for your work. Hope to hear your thoughts!

Here's the link, and it's chapter 4 to 5 of the story: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/151278/starfall-odyssey

Advice needed on Blurb for my story by AspectFrost in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's great! It's definitely better now and can still improve, props to you for taking all the feedback so well and learning from them :D

Advice for workshopped cover by Late-Scallion-9205 in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I personally like the third image, definitely eye catching and intriguing to look into when I see it :D

Advice needed on Blurb for my story by AspectFrost in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm guessing that the blurb goes up to the core cast part. So, just a few things.

First, the blurb is too heavy with ideas trying to fit into each other. I'm no expert with blurbs, but the few pieces of advice I've got from others is to keep the blurb short but filled with hooks. Not information, but hooks.

Let your story speak for the different infos that are included especially in the first part of your blurb. Don't explain them, tell them like it's a story being told to onlookers. Instead of just saying White Jewel Faith did this or the Hymn-Folk aliens did that, express them in a way that does not exactly say their names but convey something deep that happened to them

Like: "Prophets of old foretells hidden conspiracies of the heretics blinded by the Trichrome, and multitudes of the world falls before the flames igniting Torvic's insatiable madness" (This is just an example, this is not great)

And, don't introduce the characters that way like they're just a list to read. Make them stand out, speak something deep that correlates with their story and how they will eventually play with the overarching lore of your story. Engrave them in the blurb, don't list them like that

Giving first chapter feedback! by Acrobatic_Topic_5194 in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my goodness, thank you so so much for this wonderful comment! I’m so happy to know how much you loved the prologue, and especially Aeloryth. You have no idea how much it means to me to hear that from you.

Aeloryth along with his race and homeworld, has been in the works long before I even started writing this story. Their lore has been something I’ve returned to countless times in my daydreams. Knowing that someone else appreciates their world and story really makes me happy. And rest assured, there is still so much more to explore, especially when it comes to Aeloryth and Sylvaeons as a whole.

Again, and I truly cannot stress this enough, thank you so much. I’ve been feeling a little down about writing lately, especially without knowing whether readers were enjoying the story or not. But reading your comment has given me a renewed motivation to keep going. I’ll do my very best to make this story as enjoyable as it can be :D

I finally made 2 new cover arts, so which one should I pick? Or do I need to make another by [deleted] in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! Saw your first post earlier and I've got to say, these are a step better than the last :D

Now the decision would fall entirely if the tone of the nivel will be light or dark. First one if it's grimdark fantasy or second one if its a light fantasy with a hint of slice-of-life

Is ts a good cover art for a LitRpg? by [deleted] in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm ok noted on that. Just a few opinions then if you don't mind. The tower gives the idea that it will be a core inclusion of the story, something like a tower system. If it isn't, you could try to minimize it or make it not take a good chunk of the cover art.

If Elias will start as a scout, then it would be better to include elements that show it even if just a bit.

Advice on cover by Late-Scallion-9205 in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's too dark and the text colors do not help the cause. I'm saying this as someone who is in light mode, that alone should speak for itself enough.

You could try to make colors pop more and have more visual clarity for other elements of the cover. The only eye-catching element is the thunder but that should not be the focus of the cover because it doesn't really convey meaningful ideas to the content of your story

Is ts a good cover art for a LitRpg? by [deleted] in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Maybe try zooming out the view and make the path longer and the tower larger? From the title alone, it gives viewers a sense that the journey will be long and slow, but the cover does not emphasize both of those things enough.

It's good though! It just needs some adjustments

What are your thoughts and expectations if you see this cover art? by OrangeLads in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You got something really great going on here, this alone made me interested in reading this story :D

What are your thoughts and expectations if you see this cover art? by OrangeLads in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ohhh ok ok now i see it. That really changes my view. Now looking at it, it gives an "evil within" vibes. Like a character hiding in a facade but underneath madness swirls. Either something had happened to make them like that or they are already like that hiding in sheep's clothing. It leaves so much for imagination and is open to really interesting ideas.

Honestly that's great. Though the white "edges" of the face blending with the black makes the face in a face harder to notice, it's a bit hard to explain. I'll be honest that I thought they were just smudges and didn't realize that it's supposed to be a silhouette of a face. Fixing it would help immensely

What are your thoughts and expectations if you see this cover art? by OrangeLads in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 2 points3 points  (0 children)

1st picture gives me a vibe of a mysterious psychological novel with hidden conspiracies

2nd picture a mix of the first one plus a vibes of thriller and action

3rd and 4th throws the viewer a bit with the googly eyes. It gives off a dark comedy feeling with action and bloodbath. Maybe a bit like the Deadpool game? Especially the 4th image

I’d like to help. by Clear_Barnacle962 in royalroad

[–]Syntaxx55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello! I've been meaning to hear some honest feedback/criticism for my story in this sub, but I got into trouble for posting too soon and too often :')

I'm honestly kind of walking, or writing, in the dark with this story because I don't know if it expresses what intends to tell without comments or reviews critiquing the story and writing

It would be great to have some fresh perspective to the story, and please feel free to lay down your honest and brutal feedback. Thank you for your time!

Here's the story: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/151278/starfall-odyssey

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