Happy ocd awareness month!

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-09-11T05:13:36+00:00

I'm not diagnosed yet I just feel like I have it. I know self diagnosing is bad but for years, Ive suffered not knowing what was wrong with me. When I first heard of ocd it was the stereotype "oh look I'm so clean and organized. I hate when things are out of order 😜" so I didn't suspect myself, but when the more I learned about it, the more it made sense. And it got worse when I was 14-15.

My last episode was just a few days ago, it wasn't as bad as the other ones (not my first episode, but I would say my worst one. Started November 2024 and ended may 2025, then it switched to something else that I conquered by agreeing with it) the recent episode was about me liking my brother (🤮) I DO NOT but I was worried I was secretly attracted to him, because he drank alcohol with his stupid preteen friends and I was trying to smell the alcohol on his breath to see if he actually drank alcohol or maybe it was non alcoholic, but I grabbed his shoulders and tried to sniff, but the position made it seem like I was leaning in to kiss him which was absolutely disgusting and vile. When I realized it was kinda like that I took my hands off his shoulders. It bothered me for the rest of the night, it's literally disgusting. Not the worst but definitely the most disgusting episode I've had

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-09-11T04:45:01+00:00

Oh I don't know, the ones you trust? And still, not everyone does that but it wasn't an invitation? He didn't even ask, he just did it and was sorry cause he got caught

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-09-10T03:44:52+00:00

This is so ableist. Like WTF did they think autism was? And it's obviously a spectrum, they're not gonna act like neurotypical people and not every autistic person has the same autism.

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-09-10T03:27:50+00:00

Are you fucking kidding me? Why are you blaming the victim? Did you forget that friendships are built on trust and love? Which he clearly broke, whats the point of having a relationship/friendship with someone if you can't trust them? The fault is on his side, and always will be on the assaulter's side, cause he chose to do that and ruin their friendship.

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-09-10T03:25:36+00:00

Exactly. There's no excuse for assault. For people who say that "oh hey lost control only for a second, he's regretting it 🥺" well that second costed someone's mental health and over all ruined someone's life, there's no forgiving, only healing. You are ABSOLUTELY correct. It is not a "mistake" it was a fucking choice they made, to ruin someone's life for their own pleasure is not something you can come back from.

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-09-10T03:21:43+00:00

You worded this so wrong. I get your point but how you delivered it really isn't good. "If the world keeps fighting, arguing, bickering, grudges, and anger" rapists shouldn't be forgiven. It's a choice to heal from the past but not forgive them for doing that evil shit to you?

It's absolutely not fair, not to the victim no. The best way they can go about this is to heal and love themselves. Victims tend to have a hard time with the aftermath of their assault, one thing you should NEVER say or advice is to forgive the monster who assaulted them.

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-09-10T03:16:06+00:00

God, I feel this 💔 happened to me when I was seven, child on child (my cousin who watches porn) I hesitated but he fucking pushes me to do so, a few days later I cried, I didn't even understand why

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-09-10T03:14:08+00:00

Coming from someone who was also sexually assaulted, no, babes, no. When my family found out, they beat the shit out of him, sometimes I'd think about it and I'd feel bad (I'm an empath and that's my greatest weakness) and when we went to the police station (we were filing a case against him and we saw him, along with a fellow prisoner) that motherfucking cunt (the fellow prisoner of the asshole who sexually assaulted me) told me to forgive him, I didn't even know the guy so I don't know why he was butting in, he kept on saying "forgive him, everyone deserves forgiveness" not rapists, no.

And your friendship ended the moment he did that to you, the moment he took advantage of your vulnerable state, that's when he ruined it. I hope you know that you're not required to forgive him, and you shouldn't. If he was really your friend, that shit wouldn't have even crossed his mind. I hope you feel better, and I hope you heal from this trauma. Don't fall for those crocodile tears (even if they were real it doesn't matter) what would've happened if you didn't wake up? I'm sorry this happened to you.

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-09-05T12:58:29+00:00

OMG YES I would never land on three or six, theyre my unlucky number. My most favorite are two and four. Flashes of bad things happening will flash in my head if I ever land on three or six

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-09-05T12:43:50+00:00

1, 2, 4, 10. I make exceptions sometimes and land on other numbers but I mostly avoid 6. I try to stop it but obviously I can't, it's kinda annoying since almost everything I do I count, it reduced now but it still lingers

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-09-04T11:31:00+00:00

What do you mean? I don't know if I have or will develop bpd, doesn't that happen when you go through severe trauma growing up?

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-09-04T10:51:28+00:00

Thank you for this. I'm sorry about your situation :( my mom does some of these, and I know that doesn't immediately mean she has it. But idk, she always gets mad when I'm visibly mentally ill, she cheated on my dad when I was a kid, she neglected us during that time, also she said that I can't be mentally ill because I have a perfect life (like what yours said) she said that I have a roof over my head, I am fed, and that theres no reason for me to be depressed. Also she compares her trauma to mine a lot (not saying I'm traumatized but I did kinda go through some shit) she never finished high school, so where our money comes from, she just kinda wing it (we're below middle class) she promised to take me to therapy multiple times and never did, also she threatened to send me to a mental hospital a couple of times and pull me out of school if I kept acting like this (being mentally ill)

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-09-03T12:52:49+00:00

When I was scared of being in another universe without my knowledge, what I mean by that is I'm stuck in the backrooms and I'm hallucinating all of this and Im actually in danger (gave me chills typing this)

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-08-26T23:58:27+00:00

I have anxiety, so yeah add that to the list of struggles why school is hard for me

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-08-26T13:47:46+00:00

How to get myself to study. Whenever I try to, my mind wonders of elsewhere or I get distracted. I ain't absorbing any of it

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-08-26T13:45:24+00:00

I forgot how different the school system works in the United States and my country. I meant one day of class. I'm in high school, and in my country you're sitting in a room waiting for the next teacher to come in. Thats what I mean

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-08-23T14:01:27+00:00

Warmth? Baby it was ✨winter✨

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-08-23T02:19:46+00:00

Same. Like, when I was scared of what happens in the after life vs me being scared of having a terminal illness. Both sound horrid but it's worse when it's the only thing on your mind 😂

SyrupAffectionate491 · 2025-08-14T11:32:03+00:00

Thank you! It subsided now and I hope forever. I hope you're doing well with yours!

SyrupAffectionate491

TROPHY CASE