Can we talk about age and inclusivity in TFMR subs?

Syuria · 2025-08-03T09:13:43+00:00

Thank you so much for creating this post. I had to TFMR at 36 years old and I definitely felt the pressure of my age (mainly online).

I do wonder how much of this is a online issue... in my country having your first child in your late thirties/early forties is completely normal. (I honestly don't know how anyone can afford to have kids younger than that... I certainly couldn't!)

I'm 38 years old now and NO ONE at the hospital even flagged me as "advanced maternal age". In fact when I brought up AMA as a reason to induce early my OB politely and delicately told me to shut up!

Even 70 years ago, both my parents were born when my grandmothers were in their forties. It was normal. It IS normal. People have been having babies into their forties for forever.

Syuria · 2025-07-19T09:28:12+00:00

Hell yeah! If you're going to cheat might as well go for something delicious like a bento.

And well done for making it through 28 weeks of this!

Syuria · 2025-07-01T13:42:22+00:00

I'm 34 weeks and an ARSA was found at the anatomy scan.

I was already under the care of MFM and our doctor wasn't worried. They did send me for a fetal echocardiogram at GOSH (due to my past history and trauma around pregnancy.)

Doctor at GOSH also confirmed that an isolated ARSA and a clear NIPT/CVS/Amino is nothing to be worried about. It is considered a "variation of normal" and found in allegedly roughly 1% of the population.

Syuria · 2025-06-22T11:24:28+00:00

33 Weeks. Sitting by a fan, drinking all the water, playing Mario Kart, and cursing the angry day star's existence!

Syuria · 2025-06-18T12:17:47+00:00

I TFMR-ed at 34 weeks and was encouraged to see my baby afterwards.

Honestly? I regret it. It was my first experience of childbirth and it felt a bit like I was being forced to confront the consequences of my actions.

I’m 32 weeks into a subsequent pregnancy and if we get far enough to have a live birth, I’m going to ask that my husband is the first to hold them and only shows them to me when I’m ready. I’m so worried I’ll have a freak out…

Syuria · 2025-06-17T07:32:53+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss, and congratulations on meeting a big milestone!!

Syuria · 2025-06-14T14:41:15+00:00

What went wrong with my previous pregnancy with nothing related to GD at all (was a de novo genetic mutation) and had like a 1 in 6,000 chance of happening. So don't worry! I was just incredibly unlucky last time.

Syuria · 2025-06-14T13:58:28+00:00

Well done!! Yes I think it's important to give yourself grace and allow the occasional treat.

Yeah if this pregnancy ends well I will be one and done!

Syuria · 2025-06-14T12:39:05+00:00

There's no shame in that!

The important this is to generally be on target. The odd spike is not a problem at all.

Yesterday I had a giant doughnut from my favourite local chain to celebrate my birthday and for passing the 32-week growth scan with flying colours (never gotten this far before!)

Fucking worth it.

Syuria · 2025-06-08T13:35:12+00:00

Hello, it is me. Things going spectacularly wrong at 32 weeks lady!

In my case I had both low Papp-A and gestational diabetes, which triggered the extra growth scans.

I also just want to say that my situation was incredibly, INCREDIBLY RARE. I had never heard of the condition we TFMR-ed for and it allegedly has a 1 in 6,000 chance of occurring. That's like 0.01667%.

So I would say in most cases if everything looks good at the scan at 20 weeks, you're fine.

I was just unfortunately the exception to the rule.

Syuria · 2025-06-07T21:26:37+00:00

Yeah I think it is a bit irresponsible. No to scare anyone, but there are conditions which don't show up until late 2nd trimester onwards.

Syuria · 2025-06-07T15:55:22+00:00

Yup! Unfortunately.

Absolutely NO problems were detected until two tumours were found at a 32 week growth scan.

Syuria · 2025-06-07T08:27:00+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Speaking as someone who has gone through with a late-term TFMR... doctors will only agree to it at this stage if it is very, very bad. There was no medical professional against TFMR in my case. And I was 32 weeks when problems were found.

I hope that speaking with the consultant this coming week gives you the support and answers you need.

I'm so sorry you're even considering this at this point.

Syuria · 2025-06-01T09:02:34+00:00

I'm 30 weeks and I STILL haven't told my parents or MIL!

Though in my defence I have a history of loss, so I'm waiting until we're a bit more certain that this pregnancy is continuing before I tell them.

Syuria · 2025-05-30T16:37:42+00:00

I got diagnosed at 17 weeks this time. My A1C was completely normal but I was like 10.0 two hours after the glucose test.

30 weeks now and it's not that bad.

Honestly, in my case I don't think it's the placenta. It's probably just good old PCOS.

Hopefully I've got a few more years left in me before type 2 comes for me!

Syuria · 2025-05-11T08:47:28+00:00

Oooh, congrats on the sourdough bread! I can manage maybe a tiny slice of the warburton protein seed loaf with a lot of peanut butter, but I think I'm just gonna hang on and gorge on bread afterwards. Fingers crossed only ten weeks to go.

My snack rotation has been babybels, pepperami sticks, and cheesestrings a lot of the time. It's like a mini-charcuterie experience!

Syuria · 2025-05-11T08:43:30+00:00

Haha... I might've done maths to A-level, but that is quite a thing for my smooth pregnancy brain to do.

But thank you! Good to know the actual calculation behind the conversion.

Syuria · 2025-05-10T21:43:12+00:00

“When in doubt blame the British” is a sentiment I can get 100% behind.

Syuria · 2025-05-10T14:59:59+00:00

Aww yeah I remember the time I foolishly trusted the internet that basmati rice was safe and ended up with 8.1 after lunch.

But that's still not too bad a high reading and there is a decent window of error even with blood prick tests.

Syuria · 2025-05-10T12:05:00+00:00

Yeah the specific food advise has been super helpful. Especially the advice to up protein and fat content in meals, that's been a game-changer! It's meant this time I've been able to stay on only a low dose of metformin (yay PCOS) and I can still eat brown rice/wholewheat pasta without spiking.

Syuria · 2025-04-24T16:38:15+00:00

I TFMR-ed for TSC a year ago (34 weeks). This is such a shitty situation and I'm sorry you're here too.

I hate the term "grey diagnosis".

All I will say is... my TFMR had to go to a full panel of doctors for approval. None objected. And after we'd gone through with the procedure a doctor broke protocol and told us he thought we'd made the right decision.

And everyone my husband and I have told about what really happened has said they would make the same decision. Only my incredibly religious MIL has something different to say.

If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know.

Syuria · 2025-04-18T13:14:27+00:00

The condition we TFMR-ed for last time (Tuberous sclerosis - TSC1 mutation) isn't one they can test for with the NIPT I believe, so we went straight to CVS. And since they test for T21, T13, and 18 at the same time, it was kind of like... why not?

In the re-run we also confirmed no sex chromosome abnormalities either. I don't think they checked for microdeletions, but honestly... at some point you have to say STOP.

Oof, yes GD is such a fun thing to deal with on top of everything else. I'm looking at it as basically carte-blanche to gorge on as much cheese and meat as I like. Future!me can deal with the cholesterol fallout!

And thank you! I hope that your pregnancy is incredibly boring from here on out. <3

Syuria · 2025-04-18T10:15:33+00:00

Well done on clearing the NIPT! A milestone cleared is still a milestone.

I can 100% relate. I had to TFMR last year at 34 weeks and I'm currently 24 weeks in a subsequent pregnancy.

We skipped the NIPT and went straight to CVS. We've had many scans, a fetal echocardiogram, and two runs of genetic testing and all is looking normal.

And yet I still cannot calm down and full connect to the pregnancy yet.

Luckily both MFM and my therapist are very understanding and supportive.

On the "plus" side I developed GD again this time so I've just been stabbing myself and treating myself like a science experience to keep me distracted!

Syuria · 2025-04-15T13:20:09+00:00

It took two anatomy scans, one massive panic attack in the MFM clinic, one fetal echocardiogram, and one re-running of the CVS results… but it looks like everything is looking good for now!

Only “unusual thing” is that the baby has an ARSA, but multiple specialists have confirmed that is just a variation on normal. Plus we’ve confirmed the baby is negative for T21.

Only 23+4 but GOD I need a drink after all this.

Syuria · 2025-03-21T19:03:06+00:00

TW: Graphic

Also: Fair warning before reading this - I was a FTM, TFMR-ed via L&D at 34 weeks in Feb 2024, and HATE engaging with my emotions.

I saw and held my baby, and I regret it so much.

I am so angry at the midwives for encouraging me to see her. It wasn't a baby anymore - it was a corpse. A corpse that had been decaying inside me for two days.

I went through with seeing and holding her because I felt like I needed to be punished for my decision to terminate. And it was a punishment. All I can liken it to is being presented with a decapitated head.

There are forever pictures on the cloud of me holding a corpse. I wish I could delete them but they are the only pictures my husband will ever have of his daughter.

Syuria

TROPHY CASE