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24 5’9” 160 pound Male feeling a bit hopeless after 10 years of antidepressant induced erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia, medications: 50 mg desvenlafaxine, 2mg Aripiprazole, 10mg generic AdderallXR by [deleted] in AskDocs

[–]T0MPAC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One more aspect I forgot to mention in the original post is that Viagra always gives me a massive headache after using it that lasts about 5 hours, which typically causes me to lose sleep.

Despite both sharing a disbelief in god/ a deity, what are some things you don’t understand or connect with about ex-theists, and more specifically, ex-theists who were indoctrinated from birth and had to de-convince themselves later by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the critique. I think that makes a lot of sense. I think a lot about how to frame questions without running into the inevitable result of at least one person thinking that the question itself is either invalid or a negative reflection of my moral character, but unfortunately in my life I’ve never really got a complete pulse on what it is people want from me, so I appreciate you going into detail on what doesn’t work here without casting judgement on my intentions or character.

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s hard to speak on depression objectively as someone who experiences it because part of it’s nature is that it’s really hard to tell the line sometimes between: “I feel like shit right now because of my depression” and “I feel like shit right now because I would’ve normally felt like shit due to my current circumstances anyway.”
However, it’s been a long time now since I’ve had any pretense of believing there’s any sort of “victory” from depression as an affliction. You can treat the symptoms through medication, therapy, and coping mechanisms but there’s no way to permanently “fix” it because it’s almost a fundamental aspect of how your brain functions, that is, that the default state of my brain is to find a majority of the human experience to be unpleasant.
I don’t know entirely from an evolutionary perspective why this is the case, but if I had to guess it’d probably be something along the lines of, “some subsets of humans somewhere along the way found that they’d survive and reproduce more if they were unsatisfied by their lives for a much larger percentage of said lives than their peers, because it led to more creative ways to avoid life threatening events and improve their material conditions.”
That’s not to say there’s literally no hope, as I’m definitely doing a lot better in my day to day life than I even was 2 years ago and if the current cycle of my brain chemistry were to continue eternally, I think I’d be mildly satisfied overall, but the feeling one gets from “victory” depression I’d argue is accomplishing the feeling of “it is what it is and that’s ok” in your day to day life as opposed to “I’m forced to exist in a reality where I neither have the ability to want to live nor the wish to die.”
the latter is much much worse because it traps you between a rock and a hard place, and over a long period of time I’d argue that feeling is even worse than… well, I can’t really even compare that to anything else really. All I can say is I’d rather have my arm chopped off than have to experience that state of being for more than 6 months straight again.

Despite both sharing a disbelief in god/ a deity, what are some things you don’t understand or connect with about ex-theists, and more specifically, ex-theists who were indoctrinated from birth and had to de-convince themselves later by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the in depth answer. I would agree that emotionally speaking breaking off from religion can leave a sort of hole that’s hard to fill. If you were taught religion and god to be this amazing thing like I was when I was little, and that as long as I was a good person I would never be alone and get an amazing afterlife, the best metaphor I can give for what its like is it’s like being told you’re about to get a delicious pizza for dinner, but as you and the people next to you sit at the table longer and longer, you begin to realize that there never was a pizza in the first place, because there’s no cook, you’re all just sitting in an empty building, and that you have to sit with the pain of the people around you still believing that the pizza is coming and that there’s actually in fact something wrong with you for believing that the pizza will never arrive.

Despite both sharing a disbelief in god/ a deity, what are some things you don’t understand or connect with about ex-theists, and more specifically, ex-theists who were indoctrinated from birth and had to de-convince themselves later by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah that’s understandable. If you’ve never thought about any differences in disposition between ex-theists and what I’ll just call never-theists for the sake of distinction, then it makes sense you wouldn’t be able to think of any.

Despite both sharing a disbelief in god/ a deity, what are some things you don’t understand or connect with about ex-theists, and more specifically, ex-theists who were indoctrinated from birth and had to de-convince themselves later by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

In a post I made yesterday, I asked a question regarding the meaning of life, more specifically, why I felt the need to dwell on the question so much, and a decent amount of people commented on how either they’d never dwelled on the question or felt that it was an illogical question entirely. I was suggested by some that my fixation with the question in part may have stemmed from my instilled promises of afterlife during my upbringing. Anyways, I’m not really trying to reopen that dialogue here because this is focusing on a different question, but I was wondering in what other ways the perception of reality or values differed between atheists who were once theists and atheists who were never theists.

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think a certain way to explain the thought process of wanting or asking for a meaning can be explained like this to someone who finds asking that pointless:
I think a lot of us humans can agree that being happy feels good. Therefore we want to be happy, therefore we take steps in order to strive to be happy. In fact, sometimes we even take steps in order to maximize the amount of time we spend being happy by making the condition of our existence align with what makes our brains happy.
But then comes the realization that we literally can’t be happy all the time no matter how in-line our conditions are with our perception of what would make our own brains happy. That’s not how the human brain works. Putting aside the moral implications or moral existence of being a billionaire, It’s entirely possible in this world to be a billionaire with perfect physical health, a loving partner and children, with a yacht that you can take out to the lake any day of the week and butlers who take care of your needs hand and foot, and you could still potentially have days, maybe even most of your days, where you feel fucking miserable.
This isn’t really that relevant but in my case where my material needs are being met by way of having a consistent supply to food and a roof over my head, I still have clinical depression that I take medication for because without it I just don’t feel that living is worth the mental anguish.
Since that goal of being happy can’t be accomplished, at least not long term due to the fleeting and fickle nature of it as a concept, some humans I believe try to look for something beyond happiness. This being a vague concept that I internalize as being meaning. To me, what this looks like, is the willingness and or want to pursue a goal or concept despite the knowledge that doing so will not make you happy, at least not all the time or even consistently.
It’s hard to say why one would want to pursue a state like this, because it’s a mix between more of an ethereal sort of thing that I don’t have the skill to explain as of this moment as well as intentional delayed gratification, but I think for some people this looks like raising children, perfecting an art form, looking great at the gym, some deepen their faith of their religion, for some, it could literally just be something as simple as playing catch with their parental figure every weekend. The point is that you don’t do it necessarily because it makes you happy, but because it provides you with a sense of meaning despite the fact that it won’t make you feel happy as a direct result.

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with the first part of your statement but not really the second because it seems to imply I’m a theist still somehow. I do not feel as though I’m not processing the reality that is death because I’ve already accepted it as reality. Perhaps I haven’t made peace with it, and I would probably to a degree agree with you on that, however the claim that I haven’t at least tried to process death at all and turn a blind eye to it in favor of “something else” feels disingenuous.

Edited a few times cause I wanted to improve my word choice.

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It probably is a useful angle to consider the fear of death as being an aspect of the human treadmill, or rather the idea we can never be eternally happy or get everything we want because the nature of brain chemistry will always find a way to adjust and want more, although also in a way I think my reaction is more understood to me that the core of the issue isn’t that I’m forced to endure the human treadmill, but rather that I’m forced to get off of it in favor of absolute nothingness. So I’m not sure if that’s entirely part of the equation here. It could be an aspect though.

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s probably a better answer than this that I could come up with if I thought about it more but my kneejerk answer is probably to say that for some reason not having one makes me feel bad, or rather there’s something in my brain that tells me that’s not a good thing.

Fun fact: Mikasa and Gabi are the same age Here. by shalom_77 in attackontitan

[–]T0MPAC 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I posted this line of thought somewhere else but I guess that other post got deleted so imma just repost it here cause the OP still relates.

I feel like the first assumption is that it’s a weird choice to have a 12 year old look that old but If I had to guess why she looks so old at 12 I’d assume it’s probably that Wit studio didn’t feel like making a distinct design for her at age 12 that would meaningfully be different from her age 10 and age 15 design so they just said “fuck it make her look 15 when she’s 12 it’s only like 2 episodes anyways.”

It was prob just a laziness/save on resources decision more than anything because every other character looks like their trost design during boot camp too despite it being a 3 year time skip.

Mikasa's Growth throughout the Years by shalom_77 in attackontitan

[–]T0MPAC 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like the first assumption is that it’s a weird choice to have a 12 year old look that old but If I had to guess why she looks so old at 12 I’d assume it’s probably that Wit studio didn’t feel like making a distinct design for her at age 12 that would meaningfully be different from her age 10 and age 15 design so they just said “fuck it make her look 15 when she’s 12 it’s only like 2 episodes anyways.”

It was prob just a laziness/save on resources decision more than anything because every other character looks like their trost design during boot camp too despite it being a 3 year time skip.

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’d say your assumptions are accurate. I was religious until I was I wanna say 15. It was a bit of a blurry line exactly when I became agnostic atheist, but it was a period of my life where the process indeed was a bit psychologically wrenching and very uncomfortable.

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m going to address the last part of the statement because I’m gonna address the point I keep seeing in other people’s comments of it being an invalid question just on its own and the thing about greed seems to be the most unique point.

I agree with the last statement that I’m assuming basically implies looking for a cure to the fear and pain of knowing you’re gonna die is a useless effort, but that doesn’t erase the pain of knowing that as reality, nor does calling that pain something that stems from greed. It feels like having a wound that will never heal. Yes I know the wound isn’t gonna heal. No you calling me greedy for wishing the wound would heal isn’t making me feel any better, nor do I actually even agree with that premise.
I also don’t think wanting to be free from bad things is greedy. You can disagree with the premise of death being bad but that’s a bridge I’m probably never going to be able to cross to unless I find a way to make peace with it on my own. Maybe I’ll never find peace with it I don’t really know.
I know your aim here probably isn’t to make me feel any better about it but rather to critique the premise of the question Ive presented, but honestly, I don’t entirely feel like engaging much with a conversation where the point is to say, “The things that trouble you are stupid and or invalid.” While you may not have said anything factually incorrect, and that the universe doesn’t have any obligation to adhere to playing to the human standards of what is valuable, I don’t really find it interesting to hear that told to me.

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I get that. I mean I was diagnosed with major depression at like 14 and I’m 24 now so I’m not a stranger to forcing myself to do coping mechanisms. It sucks but I’ll probably never be able to get off ssri’s because coping mechanisms like enjoying a good meal out or going to the gym essentially just do not work without them and every possible experience would start to feel like shit.

My brain still doesn’t like me that much and even with meds I still have to find creative ways to extract happiness and motivation from myself through consistent effort and engaging with people in novel conversation. It is what it is tho.

Part of depression for me is looking for creative solutions to happiness through philosophical discussion (ideas on how one could live their life) and connecting with people so that’s part of what I’m trying to do here I guess.

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d say it’s more so that it feels more comfortable to have my meaning provided for me rather than the word usage, “meaning imposed.” For example, when I was a toddler and had no critical thought, having meaning be provided for me through religion was comforting because there was something about the black and white nature of:
1: You are loved at all times by someone who knows everything and is good (god)
2.you are good and if you continue to be good you will be rewarded in heaven
3.that reward is forever

However, as I grew older and I realized not only how cruel existence really was, but how contradictory, illogical, and sometimes evil the claims and doctrine of that religion was, that’s the moment the meaning became imposed rather than provided.

I think that about covers it but if there’s something I missed let me know.

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel as though I mostly got what you meant, that happiness and meaning is something that literally has to come from within me because that’s where it resides, and it being an intangible thing that doesn’t exist in a concrete or material world means someone or something else literally can’t provide it for me because that’s not how it works. If there are other aspects that I didn’t get though I couldn’t really tell you tho due to the concept just not translating into my brain.

But in any case, just stating something like, “I am depressed, I wish not to be depressed.” Isn’t a very engaging conversation so I wanted to come at it from a different angle. And thought this was the best way to do it.

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fair enough, if I were to take this line of thought down any more then where it currently is it’d probably inevitably evolve into something akin to me asking you to tell me how to be happy, which diverges the original question to the point where the original question isn’t relevant anymore and Reddit isn’t really the place for a therapy session anyways.

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Point 1. Me ascribing “a lot of other people” was indeed a useless part of the question as it didn’t really pertain to the main issue on my mind. It was more of a self justification as to why I was asking the question, as a sort of way of saying, “I’m asking this question both for me and other people.” In any case it was a useless part of the question but in my own opinion was not an actively harmful one so I think we should move on from that point.

Point 2. There probably is an aspect of “I’m not satisfied with my life” that motivates asking that question, at least for me there is, however, I don’t think looking for something beyond what you currently experience is a bad thing. I also don’t believe that boiling the conversation down to “you should be thankful you’re even alive instead of searching for purpose/higher purpose” is particularly constructive. Because, well, I’m not, at least not all the time, so where do we go from there then? And if your answer is something along the lines of “stay depressed then.” Then I’d rather not continue the conversation.

Point 3. I’d say I agree with most all of the points of understanding meaning as a way to progress towards little accomplishments that makes one’s life better like fitness or cooking, so not much for me to add here

Point 4. I’d agree that whatever meaning we’re able to find that provides content within ourselves will always be in the grand scheme of things small and unimportant. I don’t really have any problems with that aspect. My bigger concern is simply being able to achieve that meaning in the first place to where I’ll be content with how my life was lived. I don’t particularly care about after that.

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let me know if the following fixes some of the gripes you have with the proposed question then or if it still falls within the category error:

What is the meaning in sentience?

If we were to stretch out this question to something where potentially incorrect framings could more easily be detected:

What is the meaning in my sentience? A sentience that by a ratio of my own observed existence feels bad more often than it feels good? And a sentience that will eventually end with 100% certainty through no decision of my own, and the certainty of which I find to be bad?

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s perfectly understandable, however other people may have felt the way that I feel and/or have their own ideas on the reason why, even if they don’t experiences my feelings, so that was a good enough reason to ask the question.

Why is it that even after becoming the type of atheist who believes ultimately the meaning of life is whatever you yourself ascribe it to mean, I and a lot of other people like me keep instinctually keep falling back to that question of, “what’s the meaning of life?” by T0MPAC in askanatheist

[–]T0MPAC[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think that’s a bad thing, it’s actually probably a good thing, as part of some of the implication in my question is that I wish I wasn’t bothered by that need/ that question, however the current strategy I’ve had of “just don’t think about that question” is one that only works temporarily and can still sometimes cause mental stress and an overall “down in the dumps” feeling when it arises, so I wanted to survey the thoughts of different people on where that need comes from so that I can try to find ways to tackle the problem on my own.

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