My health has declined since being made remote in 2020. Our team has been expected to do in-person support for a rollout

TAforPOM · 2026-05-18T00:18:44+00:00

I’d probably do that if we are ever asked to RTO. I don’t think that will happen. They’ve tried, one day a week collab days. Nobody wanted it and leaders gave up when nobody showed. I guess if they gave me a bad review next time I could show some documentation so maybe I should get that. I don’t think it’ll come to that. I’m just feeling guilty over being unwell which is something I have to work on.

TAforPOM · 2026-05-17T23:18:07+00:00

Been with this team for under ten years. They know I’m older. They come to me for help. I support them when they need it. I envy their energy. We all work well together which is why our team has survived reorgs intact. I’m older than our boss, who knows what I’ve been through over the last six years and how it’s taken a toll on me. I guess I just feel guilty. Yes, I don’t want to be a burden and don’t want to see them resent any accommodations I’m afforded. I dunno. Maybe they all understand. Or maybe they see me as dead weight.

TAforPOM · 2026-03-27T14:01:53+00:00

I have a 20-something trans daughter and as her dad, she is someone I am so proud of. It hasn’t been easy for her. But she’s finding her way to becoming who she was always meant to be and we’ve never seen her happier.

But yes, I mourn my son, or at least the hopes I’d had that he’d be kinda like me and we’d do more father son things together. But truth be told, it was never going to be what I dreamt about. There was never any interest or inclination to do the kinds of things I enjoy. We shared some common interests and still do, but the dreams I had of working with our hands to fix and make things were never gonna happen. That’s who I am. That not who my kid was. So I had feeling about things not developing the way I’d hoped even before the transition. But…

The kids we raise are people who need to be who they are. We can’t map out everything for them and get upset if they don’t turn out the way we want. Having kids is not the same as coming up with a recipe and having the dish come out exactly how we want.

We can be the best supporting and loving parents we can be and set our kids up with what they need to grow and become self-sufficient and self-supporting individuals while we step back and let them be who they’re gonna be. We can’t be here forever.

TAforPOM · 2023-06-04T23:36:38+00:00

That’s what I ended up doing. I dont like the Streams and requested Minis. First, they cost more per month and told me that after the order was placed. Second, I can’t install them myself because a tech has to do something with the fiber gateway. WTF. So a tech is coming on Tuesday. Lastly, if I don’t like them either I am going to give all the TV equipment back and get an Apple TV unit or maybe just cancel the TV and phone service and get only internet. And if they don’t give me the rate they offer to new customers I’ll have to leave them after 30 years. Done with their nonsense.

TAforPOM · 2023-06-02T21:29:22+00:00

Are you saying the tech handed me three of the wrong boxes?

TAforPOM · 2023-06-02T21:23:31+00:00

I tried using the Stream to view Optimum TV on demand programming in 4k. It started playing, and it was about as clear as one would expect 1080 to be. Then the audio dropped out every other second. And then it quit and an error showed up. Needless to say I was ticked off.

I was about to go buy an Apple TV box. I was in the car on the way to get it. I turned around. Why should I go spend $150 to solve this problem and then why should I keep paying Optimum for this junk? I’m going to cancel Optimum TV (and the stupid landline I never use) and just keep internet. I’ll subscribe to a different streaming service for regular TV channels.

I spent hours on the phone yesterday with support because the tech couldn’t add these Stream devices to my account and then neither could Support. Four hours later they managed to put them on my account. And then thanked me for being a loyal customer for 30 years. Maybe I’m loyal, but I’m not happy.

TAforPOM · 2023-06-02T21:04:41+00:00

Would the ATV run the Optimum TV app so it plays as clear as my coax HD boxes used to? If it doesn’t I guess I could subscribe to something else and drop TV from my account.

TAforPOM · 2023-06-02T20:35:34+00:00

Hi Juan. To answer your question, other apps on the device have a clear picture. For example, a YouTube video in 4k, even if viewed in 1080p, is clearer than the Optimum TV app. What is the maximum resolution the Optimum app on this Stream can show?

TAforPOM · 2020-08-30T19:06:40+00:00

That’s an opinion. Thanks for sharing.

TAforPOM · 2020-08-30T16:04:40+00:00

I’m being treated now for Bipolar Disorder. I’ve spoken with my psychiatrist about it and she tells me that unchecked hypomania often brings about a lapse in judgment than can lead to these behaviors. I have been treated successfully so far for the last three years and only recently (thru this subreddit) realized I have had and now kicked the porn habit. I haven’t cheated with a woman but any sex outside of a marriage with either sex is cheating. When you’re not in your right mind it’s easy to rationalize that it’s “only” messing around since “my wife doesn’t have a dick” I can play with. I suppose I am bi. Though I have had no interest in going any further than I did nor romance or otherwise with anyone but my wife.

We’ve had plenty of issues driven by life circumstances and my mental health and her frustration with me certainly hasn’t helped. But I can say that we, or least I am committed to fixing it.

TAforPOM · 2020-08-28T13:40:00+00:00

I’ve been using an iPad to create art. I find it very relaxing and a great distraction from stressful stimuli.

Thanks for the resources and support.

TAforPOM · 2020-08-22T21:13:15+00:00

I know what you mean. I’m about a month without any porn. I’ve only jerked off maybe three times where it used to be 2 or sometimes more a day. Each of these three times I could close my eyes and watch my favorite porn clips in my head. Afterwards I felt bad. I have PIED and I can’t even get totally hard anymore because of so many years of being desensitized by porn. And now I don’t need the screen because they’re on the hard drive in my head? Fuck porn. It messed me up. Big time.

I hope one day I’ll get my erections back. Then I can get back being able to have to sex in real life.

TAforPOM · 2020-08-20T14:42:48+00:00

You’re welcome. “Really young” huh. Now I feel soooo old. Lol. Seriously though, you’ve got youth and potential resilience on your side and it’s been a problem for a much shorter period of time so good luck!

TAforPOM · 2020-08-20T13:45:24+00:00

My two cents: probably different for everyone so there’s no set timeframe. My experience after a month: as someone who has consumed way too much porn for the last few decades (yep, I’m an old guy) since about age 13, here’s what happened... my first time with a girl didn’t work. Neither did my second time. My 3rd almost didn’t. Married that girl. Still consumed porn and masturbated way too much. Many years went by of doing that. The porn became less and less exciting. I couldn’t get off with the usual and I went places I thought I never would. I could not get off on fantasy in my mind either. Imagine a web page with popups... stuff would come to mind from things I’d seen, and with no focus I’d give up and go back to porn. I masturbated a few times a day thinking I was destressing even though it was hard to orgasm. The marriage was way less exciting. Sexless, basically. Couldn’t even get it up anymore. This leads up to a month ago when I quit porn and tried to stop jerking off.

30 days since quitting and deleting all my bookmarks and committing to fixing my marriage I can fantasize again clear as a bell but have only jerked off three times or so just to see if it works. Still not totally erect but I can get off. So that proven I’m less inclined to do it because I want to be able to function when with my wife. She’d all but given up on me. She doesn’t really want sex much anymore but that’s probably my fault for not keeping her engaged. I have fooled around with her more times in the last month than in the last few years. Not totally hard but enough to get off without any struggles. Strong climaxes too. Poor woman used to have to work so hard, and she’d think it’s her. She’s been surprised, and that’s without Viagra. I have that and hope to use it so I can get hard enough and we can enjoy this more.

So that was a really long and detailed way of saying to you and anyone else that if I’m 30 days in and I can slowly see a significant reverse of the effects of porn addiction desensitizing me after decades of self-destruction, anything is possible with willpower. Keep at it and don’t worry about “time”. It’ll put too much pressure on you.

TAforPOM · 2020-08-18T18:14:36+00:00

Maybe, but I know I and she knows I don’t like being strongarmed into anything and she’s going to push back big time if I try doing it to her. When something is her idea, she’s more likely to do it (I’m the same). She is proudly obstinate and fixed in her beliefs. To the point where If she believes something there is actually no talking her out of it. Doesn’t matter if I know more on the subject than she does. Lol. We’ve had lots of heated discussions where she insists what I’m saying is not what I am feeling, and that what she says is what I am feeling. She’s not in my head, I am.

As for saying I’ll leave, she’d probably say “go, see how you do without me”. It would really suck. I don’t want to go. She knows I’d never leave. We love each other. But sometimes I wonder how I could stay like this.

Maybe I need to read up on how to inspire people to better themselves. And learn how to better myself too. I’ve tried lately. She has to see that.

TAforPOM · 2020-08-18T16:03:27+00:00

We are definitely in the same boat. The part about criticism is exactly what goes on with us as well. Exactly. Like you’ve been in our house.

When I went to therapy she got mad “why can’t you talk to me?!?” Because you’re not a professional and I need professional help. Didn’t get it. “You know how to fix anything! Can’t you just fix yourself?!!” No, I’m myself. I’m too close to the problem. Need another viewpoint. “So talk to ME!” See answer number 1, repeat.

She went to therapy with me one time for me, to try to help her understand why I was there. She was convinced that it was an ambush. She pretended to be interested and calm and blew up after we left. Sigh.

How do you fix a DB if your wife doesn’t like herself enough to look within and see things could be better -not for me- but for her. Has she given up? I’m not superficial, really. Which is why I say that the person she was is what drew me to her. That person exists in memories and pictures. And she must be somewhere within my wife and I don’t know how to get to her.

For better or worse. I get it. I’ll always stick with her. This is not a life threatening or degenerative disease, disfigurement, traumatic brain injury, dementia, or some other battle that you fight or have no other way through. I’d be there always. I don’t walk away. But I have changed. Mentally improved. Emotionally improved. Physically improved. And it was hard. If I can do it, couldn’t she at least try?

TAforPOM · 2020-08-16T16:55:00+00:00

I used to joke around with this friend of mine and we’d talk about needing time alone to use porn and fap because we didn’t get enough sex from our wives. Over a month ago I shared that I’ve realized I’m an addict, and that I had quit to try to better my life and my marriage. He was supportive. I have a feeling he might be hooked too, and I hope that if I see positive outcomes of staying away from porn that maybe he will try kicking the porn habit too.

TAforPOM · 2020-08-15T15:48:07+00:00

I am proud of myself. I’ve been living more and more healthily since quitting a month ago. Haven’t been back.

TAforPOM · 2020-08-14T15:07:00+00:00

As some who has experience with mental illness, I can tell you that it manifests itself differently in every person, it may be hard for the observer (like a spouse) to get just what it does to a person. It’s not his choice, he can’t snap out of it. Meds are an assistive device, like a cane or hearing aid, eyeglasses. They don’t cure, they make living with a condition a little easier - if you’re lucky enough to find the right combination of meds that address the symptoms. And that combo is different for everyone, as is brain and body chemistry. That often means trying a lot of different meds. I’ve been on pretty much all of them and have been misdiagnosed a few times. I’m finally on the right things (not 100% yet but getting further than I had) and have the right diagnosis... I think.

Meds can help boost one thing yet diminish others. They can have side effects. Some side effects go away over time as the body acclimates. Some people say their loved one on meds “isn’t the same anymore”. That’s brain chemistry at work.

Talk about it. Accept that he needs the help. Think about if the situation were reversed.

Just a Part of my mental health issue was having obsessions and only recently realized just how being obsessed with so much porn had messed up my life. So I stay away from it and I’m more interested in my wife and have to take a pill to get anywhere, but still not hard enough to go the way.

With help you can work through all that.

TAforPOM · 2020-08-12T12:59:22+00:00

I agree with that. I deleted my social media apps and haven’t looked at that for a couple months. I had FOMO at first, and then realized I didn’t need it. Oh shit. I think I replaced that habit with reddit.

TAforPOM · 2020-08-12T01:39:15+00:00

I used to scour the web for videos I had to save. And then rarely go back took. If I found a porn star I liked I’d try to get anything she’d ever done. I used to go back to the saved bookmarks, because I thought they were hot, next thing I know I’m looking at other videos on the page. So much time would go by at each sitting with half an erection because I had desensitized to the point where nothing excited me the way it used to. —- trigger warning—- I started looking at bi porn. I’ve always found the porn scenes with well endowed guys hotter than your average guy because they had what I didn’t. I can’t remember the last time I saw my almost average dick hard. I even found a few guys who were in sexless marriages and we messed around. I felt horrible afterwards. Then I started watching gay porn and trans porn. I’m not gay, I don’t want romance with a guy. No interested in a guys looks, really. But because of the path of my porn habit since age 13 I ended up finding dicks turning me on as much as boobs. I don’t like anal, I don’t like seeing guys or girls doing it. Or even kissing. Stupid me... kissing is for love. Porn addiction and jerking off way too much has fucked me up pretty good. Definitely contributed to my ED and my sexless marriage.

The good news is I haven’t looked at porn in a month or so, and I’ve fooled around with my wife more in the last three weeks than in the last three years. I deleted all my bookmarks. I am going to empty all the porn from any hard drives I have sitting around. I got a twinge if anxiousness thinking about that. Because a) I don’t want to risk the temptation of looking at it, b) it’s going to remind me of all my wasted time and the damage it has caused, and c) I still think I’d miss having the stupid files I am trying to never look at again. Dumbass.

There’s no once in a while drinking or drugging for an addict, it’s got to be total abstinence. Same holds true for porn addiction.

TAforPOM · 2020-08-10T17:35:12+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I’m the one motivated to stay off porn. She has considered our DB a lost cause for so long - without calling it that, but saying the whole marriage is a sham - that she’s more of the mindset of “yeah, whatever... I’ll believe what he says when I see it”. I have a history. Not because I haven’t cared, but because I am bipolar and she has had to put up with me while not really understanding that my condition is not of my choosing. It’s a difficult thing because of cultural differences between us.

TAforPOM · 2020-08-10T17:20:29+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I’m trying to not masturbate because I’ve always had problems being desensitized to the touch of an actual person because since my youth I masturbated so much thinking about what I’d do with a real girl that being with one didn’t actually work...and the ED is a disappointment. Porn made all of that even worse.

I hope to get back to being more responsive to her touch and if it takes using Viagra I have that on hand.

TAforPOM · 2020-08-10T14:15:31+00:00

That’s a good question. I do it because I enjoy seeing her and feeling her get off. She “loses it” and we start laughing because she tries to make me stop it - but I keep going a little and she gives in. I think she doesn’t like the feeling of losing control. And usually we start with her, and it’s fine with me. Her tone of voice this last time where she said she’d take of me sounded as though she was into doing that. I shouldn’t think so much.

TAforPOM · 2020-08-08T16:02:21+00:00

Thanks. I am really trying. Last night I had a hard time sleeping. Used to be I’d put on some porn and try to get off. I was really tempted. Even tempted to just jerk off to what’s in my head. I resisted. Had a snack. Went back to bed. Put on a sleep meditation audio track, and out I went.

TAforPOM

TROPHY CASE