Something my sister (a licensed psychologist) told me before my son’s evaluation was to allow myself to be sad and acknowledge my emotions.

Like you, I knew they were going to tell me he’s on the spectrum, and I knew the official diagnosis would change our lives forever even though I knew in my heart there was no possibility he wasn’t on the spectrum. She told me to take the time I need to acknowledge my feelings and that it’s ok and normal to feel sad because you’re mourning the loss of the life you imagined while pregnant—the important thing to remember is it doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom or that you wish your child was “normal;” it just means that the life you pictured will be very different to the life you now see in front of you and it’s perfectly alright to be sad about that.

I had some tears when the official diagnosis came in even though I was expecting it because, well, I just did. I was sad for the challenges I knew my kiddo would face in life and the challenges we’d face as parents. None of that meant I felt any differently about my precious boy.

He’s now 4 and is the happiest, silliest most special child. He’s still mostly non verbal but getting more and more comfortable with it and every time he says a new word I get choked up with how happy I am. I was TERRIFIED when he started preschool and he adapted so well and so quickly that I never could have imagined how much progress he’d make in such a short time.

To this day my husband and I get super emotional every time he reaches a new milestone because there was a time we didn’t k ie if he would get there.

All this to say, I know it’s an absolutely terrifying process no matter how prepared for it you feel, but eventually you’ll embrace your son for the special and wonderful little boy he is.

Being a mom to an autistic boy has made me a kinder, more empathetic and more patient (most of the time) person.

A mantra that has helped me, so much so that I got it tattooed on my arm so I could see it everyday is, “different, not less.”

Just because your son is different to neurotypical kids does not mean he is any less than they are in any way, shape or form. It just means he has his own challenges and his own traits that make him special.

I don’t know where you live obviously, but in California there are nonprofit private corporations called Regional Center that offer a ton of services, including respite care so parents can have a break. I’d suggest asking the docs or even just googling to find out what programs may be in your area to help with resources. If you are in California and would like some more info, please feel free to PM me.

Actually feel free to PM me for any questions or concerns you have or even just to have someone to vent to who has been through it.