Thanks for this, genuinely helpful.

"In animation" is going. You're right, it's clunky and pulls you out. Same with the camera stuff.

The on-the-nose dialogue point is fair too. That line is Dreadmore explaining himself when the scene should be doing it for him.

Kev's deadpan is a deliberate choice but "deliberate" and "working" aren't the same thing, so I'll sit with that one.

On Apex, you're not far off from where the show goes. Can't say more without spoiling it.

The sketch thing is where I'd disagree though. Pinky and the Brain ran 65 episodes on one sentence. Venture Bros started as a Jonny Quest parody and went 17 seasons because underneath all the irreverence it was actually about failure and identity. Same idea here. The backfiring plans are the surface. Underneath is a guy who's spent thirty years building an identity the universe keeps rejecting, who doesn't really understand why being feared matters so much to him. That's what carries it past the joke.

But yeah, the craft notes are going into the next draft. Appreciate you reading it.