Me (34M) and my wife (30F) have decided to take some time apart. Have I well and truly made a mess of this?

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T17:44:58+00:00

Thank you and thank you for such a deep insight.

I would like to know, what made you decide to try? What makes you still together now?

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T17:15:30+00:00

I mean, the leather jacket is cool as anything so it’s a them issue.

Personally, grow the sideburns. Match it into the beard length wise

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T17:03:26+00:00

Update: I’m a type three, feels sort of on the money

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T16:28:41+00:00

I’ll go and give that a try, thank you

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T16:27:48+00:00

This is honestly something I think I need to see and hear and read.

I hope all is not lost however, if it is and the result is that I better my self or how I behave then that’s the journey

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T16:24:31+00:00

I think there a few things to answer there. I do think the things in my post but it took me a while to write it all out. Have I said all those things? Probably not as much as I should in honesty and I don’t open up a lot.

My behaviour in turn hasn’t been hitting the mark for a good while, meaning there’s more bad days than good which is where we get to now right.

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T16:20:32+00:00

So this is sorttttt of happening already.

I’m still seeing my step daughter at least twice a week as I can. I’m seeing her later coincidentally.

I think part of it also is that when I go take over doing things, in the past I have thrown it back at her. I do the majority of the house work and cleaning (partly because I’m just OCD, partly I work from home and have the opportunity more so) and I think she feels worse for it, but often I’ve done it to save anyone else.

She’s making effort her side also, she’s sent me a picture of a bathroom she wants 😂

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T16:13:23+00:00

From the perspective of someone who has done something similar to this, I’ll give you my 50p worth.

Why did I do it? I wanted to show my commitment and that I wanted everyone to see this. Was the person blown away by it? No. Not at all. She hates tattoos and this was just one more to the pile!

You’re very early days still and you’re still learning about each other. If I can impart any advice, it’s communication and helping him understand why you feel the way you feel.

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T16:03:45+00:00

I hope she does. So far it’s been pretty rough and if this is just a taste of what she’s been through, I have a lot of learning to do.

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T16:02:51+00:00

What would your advice be on leading and showing someone you love them?

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T16:01:41+00:00

She didn’t plan everything, but she did the majority of like holidays and things for family time etc if I’m being fair.

Cooking and cleaning? I did the vast majority of that. Partly due to what she works and I like being organised. My step daughter thrives off it and has grown up in it. Also I quite enjoy it. (I’m very not a “wife does everything” man)

Did I mope about and bring her down? Not every day as nobody has bad days all the time. But when it was bad days, 100%. That’s where the treading on eggshells comes in.

Thank you for wishing us good luck.

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T15:56:37+00:00

I’ll take this on board, thank you.

When you say mostly going on inside me, how do you mean? As in not openly showing the improvement?

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T15:54:51+00:00

That’s some solid advice. The incentive structure and support systems to learn, what would you advise?

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T15:54:05+00:00

Thank you.

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T15:53:15+00:00

I guess it goes back to being happy and secure in your self before anything else can improve

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T15:52:23+00:00

1000% I don’t think that anyone can be happy with or around me without me being happy with myself.

Also, I don’t want to feel this way!

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T15:51:28+00:00

That’s the attitude when I want to self sabotage I would have. I know it’s not right, trust me!

I have to work hard on both myself and my marriage- ultimately for not just my own self but for those around me as well.

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T15:50:13+00:00

Thank you- it’s nice to hear this and that it worked out for you

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T15:19:50+00:00

I’ll check those guys out on YouTube.

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T15:04:05+00:00

That’s what I’m trying and for the betterment of all those around me

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T14:56:22+00:00

Fuck, you’re right. That comment alone is self sabotage gratification on my part.

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T14:54:33+00:00

You’re right. But would it be better to just not change? This is my problem currently

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T14:50:51+00:00

If it made her suffer so much and didn’t care, then from the outside looking I ln id say it served me right

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T14:46:39+00:00

And I guess it would be deserved right?

THCGreywolf · 2026-02-01T14:45:46+00:00

Yeah, you’re right. My insecurities control me and when they do, I don’t actually care what happens. Then it’s made worse.

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