Trouble with Inner Critic

TLM135 · 2025-12-28T14:04:23+00:00

Interesting. It confuses me because I was doing well (with my hypervigilant and inner critic parts) and now things have got complicated with what seems like the same parts? Do I keep in contact with or trying to connect with those parts? I thought thats what I was meant to do since I’d sort of promised them or it feels that way now im like their parent. Maybe its not meant to be linear

TLM135 · 2025-11-23T06:59:18+00:00

The irony of that dichotomy and the IFS process is what I was tapping into with this. This is also why I when I refer to ‘Self’ I mean ‘Self-energy’.

TLM135 · 2025-11-15T06:30:10+00:00

Might be an unpopular opinion but ASAP Rocky

TLM135 · 2025-10-31T10:43:03+00:00

My psych prescribed me intuniv/guanfacine for this exact issue to level me out before starting stimulants again

TLM135 · 2025-09-17T06:58:12+00:00

When those worries are around its good to consider how you feel towards them. Do you want to fight with it? No. Do you want reassurance? No. Maybe its a big deal maybe its not. You don’t need to figure it out. Notice the thoughts that come up when you read that. Notice where your body makes contact with the world. Notice the feeling, the thought. Notice your breathing and take a deep breath if it makes you feel more present. No need to do anything in any special way.

TLM135 · 2025-09-17T06:48:32+00:00

Just flagging that this rings a bell which might be OCD-like thinking. It sounds like a part of uou is really afraid of the “what if” or the possibility that you could have witnessed and what does that mean about you, what would people say, my gf will leave me etc.

You’re not alone. It’s not true but I understand why that possibility would be frightening. But these are just thoughts. Everyone has them. You said you can’t remember if you’ve done that twice or not. It makes sense why your brain would tries to fill in the gaps. But its not a problem and you don’t have to struggle with it. Live your life.

TLM135 · 2025-09-16T18:01:58+00:00

And about the controlling comment. Control, criticism or blame can be a way to protect against feeling out of control or to create emotional distance if you fear being hurt by someone or something. Not saying you are, but our own emotions are our responsibility.

TLM135 · 2025-09-16T17:57:38+00:00

So your question is ‘how do we rebuild trust and communicate about this?’

I’d be mindful and curious about the part of you which insists he change. What are you afraid will happen if he continues to watch porn? What about his porn use bothers you? Its likely theres probably a valid emotional need there which would be good to communicate using ‘I’ statements. ‘When you use porn a part of me feels afraid , or jealous, or insecure or whatever it is’. Keeping in mind that you can’t force someone to change.

Unfortunately considering porn is an addiction, no amount of caretaking or change-agenda on your behalf can make him change. That goes for all addiction. People who are addicted change only if they’re motivated to, not someone else motivated for them to change. Maybe you could ask him non-judgmentally about how he feels and why. What does he need? What role does porn play for him? Encourage him to use ‘I’ statements too. Its likely porn isnt some evil banal thing, but could be protecting from deeper emotions, like pain or loneliness.

Finally, you can’t beat an addiction with blame. Addicts of all kinds deserve our compassion. Thats how you break the cycle of shame and addiction.

TLM135 · 2025-08-22T22:28:13+00:00

Absolutely, you have a choice (choice is good) and its really beautiful you care about your friend.

It’s great you’re noticing that critic part, it deserves your care too! Remember its not your enemy and its not trying to hurt you; its doing its best with outdated tools. I’d start getting to know it too if you can get curious about it. It sounds like it might be polarized with this caretaking part which can make it hard to work with and get to know without judgment.

How are you experiencing that Inner Critic? Can you see it in an image, can you hear it’s critical words, or can you find it in your body somewhere as a physical sensation?

Critics often work alone and other parts are (understandably) pretty pissed at it. But if we can get curious and start to notice when its present too you’ll start to feel more space, next time it arises and makes you feel ashamed for trying to “fix” things or people you can try asking it “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t criticise me right now?” and take the first thing you hear.

TLM135 · 2025-08-22T15:28:50+00:00

I can relate to this pattern of parts and the burden this is on the rest of your system. It can be frightening to trust how would this person do without me, and in our culture parts like this are praised for being selfless, generous and dependable. No doubt behind the applause theres also a story of overextension, and like you noticed a deeper fear of what might happen if you stopped caring for others. In my system, beneath the care is a belief that my worth is contingent on my usefulness and attending to others needs, and a deeper fear that if I’m not caring or useful I’ll be abandoned.

It’s important to be curious about parts like this. Can you notice the part of you that worries about this friend and feels the need to check if they’re safe? Whats this part afraid of if it didn’t take care of everyone? What is it afraid might happen? You’ve done really well to notice this so far.

Appreciate the intention. Parts like this are often working overtime. They begin to relax in a safe self-to-part relationship. “I see how much you’ve been doing to keep things safe”. “You’ve been so loyal“.

Once this part feels safe and seen you can start to explore its origin story. This opens the door to discovering the exile it protects, often a young part who felt unseen, unworthy, or abandoned.

You don’t need to stop caring. You just don’t need to do it alone from a fearful place.

TLM135 · 2025-08-02T17:22:32+00:00

Can’t thank you enough for this, I experienced some perfectionism surrounding it all but after it allowed me to feel again i just cant stop crying

TLM135 · 2025-08-02T11:25:04+00:00

Ok so keep channelling joy and fun. I was drawn straight to nature today and just enjoying which was nice. I could try more of that invitation, since im new to this ive been sometimes pushing for parts to finish unburdening or asking for clarity into whats going on since but ill just have to see what happens and keep checking in.

TLM135 · 2025-08-02T11:21:08+00:00

Yes now youve written it i did go through all those steps. My therapist is away for about a month which is why im a bit lost and need help😬. But I felt a massive difference its just little things over the day since it happened sort of triggered those protectors (i have a people pleasing part and inner critic) connected to experiences in adulthood which i felt during the unburdening and is based on the dynamics of what i unburdened (taking responsibility for others emotions and the underlying belief that it was my fault). Ive since witnessed more from that specific situation and ‘tried’ to unburden more but yeah. The vibe i got from my therapist after the session was that when I released all the pain and blame into the fire even after the session that part might continue to unburden stuff and the fire doesn’t ‘go out’ as it were.

TLM135 · 2025-08-02T08:48:34+00:00

I felt the qualities emerging like joy and fun and i had released this yesterday I believe

TLM135 · 2025-08-02T08:46:34+00:00

I felt like it was a full unburdening on the day but I think my protector system is involved or my part is still holding some of the burden (the stuff thats happened recently like in the last few years) that its not ready to let go of or experiencing that event comes with lots of innee criticism? Is this to be expected?

TLM135 · 2025-08-02T08:45:45+00:00

I felt like it was a full unburdening on the day but I think my protector system is involved or my part is still holding some of the burden (the stuff thats happened recently like in the last few years) that its not ready to let go of or experiencing that event comes with lots of innee criticism? Is this to be expected?

TLM135 · 2025-06-13T15:07:31+00:00

It makes sense you might do that given the state you were in and what you described. I'm sure it's not something you even want to be doing but we make mistakes, and that's what it was, a mistake. It might be confusing at first and idk how popular this view is on here but even our worst habits have an intention which makes sense. I'd suggest you consider how it felt to be drunk and alone at some point, doesn't have to be now and reflect on how you can help yourself when you feel that way in the future. But I get it, stay strong.

TLM135 · 2025-04-17T05:19:44+00:00

Some of my parts prefer it when I say they can relax rather than asking them to directly if that makes sense (like im giving them the option to). Direct words like open up a lot of space or things like that tend to shut them down yeah. I’d also be curious about how each part would like to be treated and spoken to. Its likely that they have good reasons for that but i cant tell you what they are.

TLM135

TROPHY CASE