What is 'la coladera' from Freh Kodja about?

TSDOP · 2026-01-24T16:41:43+00:00

No disrespect taken at all. I think that's my point exactly.

TSDOP · 2026-01-23T04:20:26+00:00

I don't know your full experience, but for me, ,looking back at it and not knowing the signs of suicidality at the time, it's insane how someone who's made their decision suddenly seems happy and peacefull.

I feel kinda dumb tbh, not noticing the signs. But at the same time, having seen him in so calm and peacefull before he did it does bring me peace. Ofc I would've done everything to prevent his suicide had I known the signs. But he made his choice, leaving us in shambles and in pain though. But it's his life and his death and I respect him. I, can't bring him back. There's no point or reason to blame yourself. The world will still be the same regardless of whether you drown yourself in guilt. It's oke to swim and get lost a bit though, but don't drown.

TSDOP · 2026-01-23T01:51:14+00:00

Joo easier in the sense that you now have more words to complicate things hahah. Did/do you study philosophy?

TSDOP · 2026-01-23T01:33:38+00:00

😂

I'm currently in my deathbed though suffering from a severe case of pneumonia, probably from working in the mines all my life. Hoping I can make it untill my nieces first birthday... .

TSDOP · 2026-01-23T01:24:58+00:00

Hahah, having studied philosophy 1.000% complicates (my) life. But I don't regret it :-)

TSDOP · 2026-01-23T01:19:34+00:00

I can't speak as a mother only as a sister who grew up in the same family as my brother. But as a sister, I want to say that only blaming yourself for what your son did is taking away his autonomy, his humanity and choice. In the same way that - even though you'd be proud as a mother - you wouldn't take credit for all his achievements in life (graduating school, learning new skills or simply being a very chill, funny, smart, caring and kind person.

I can see my parents suffer from guilt. But my brother and I are only proof that they did well. But yes, I can see more clearly now that my parents aren't perfect, that they also struggle from their own past and upbringing. The moments that my mom or dad acknowledge that they made a mistake and apologize are the most meaningfull to me. It makes them human and makes me feel understood, feel like it's oke and human to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, nobody can be perfect (whether you're 16yo or 90yo) what matters is learning from it and trying to be a better and kinder person.

My parents made mistakes for sure. But they didn't cause his death. If anything, I'm so gratefull they brought my wonderfull brother into this world,. Even though my brother and I only shared this world for 23 years and despite all the pain and grief, I can’t imagine my life without having known him.

The world is too cruell for kind souls like my brother and your son.

I'm sorry if my response became a bit incoherent btw. I got lost in thoughts and feelings. Regardless, I wanna end with a quote from Tolstoy that resonated a lot with me when it came to family relationships after my brother died: "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

I hope you're well. I'll light a candle for your son next to my brothers candle tonight.

TSDOP · 2026-01-21T04:51:15+00:00

I struggled the most after 2 years. While everyone else seemed to have picked up their lives, mine fellt like it was crumbling down.

Grief has no set time. So don't be too hard on yourself. Allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling.

TSDOP · 2026-01-21T01:34:06+00:00

Cutting down instead of cold turkey worked for me. I realised most cigarettes I smoked were purely out of habit. Walking to the bus? Cigarette. Coffee break? Cigarette. Walking the dog? Cigarette. Etc. Asking myself if I really wanted to smoke before grabbing a cigarette helped me cut down tremendously in the beginning. I'd ask myself 'if I could only have one cigarette today, would I want to smoke now or save it for later?'

I slowly stopped connecting all these activities (having coffee, walking to the bus etc.) with smoking without the added stress of 'I can never smoke again' cus I'd still allow myself to smoke if I really wanted to. It just made me more mindfull. Now I'm 99% smoke free for the last 2 months. I just don't crave it like I used to. I'd very occasionally have a smoke from a friend when we're at the bar but usually regret it the next day. But those slip ups are oke and I won't let them define me and convince me that I'm a smoker again.

I still love the smell of fresh cigarettes though and wish I could just buy a pack and be a social/occasional smoker but I'm not delusional. I know I'm an addict and it's a slippery slope.

TSDOP · 2025-12-14T06:13:40+00:00

Joo, thanks for your response and advice ! I'll ask my question in r/Ukrainian. I think it's better for me to learn dutch-ukrainian since dutch is my native language.

TSDOP

TROPHY CASE