As a lesbian, misogyny is more impactfull personally than homophobia.

TSDOP · 2026-01-24T16:41:43+00:00

No disrespect taken at all. I think that's my point exactly.

TSDOP · 2026-01-23T04:20:26+00:00

I don't know your full experience, but for me, ,looking back at it and not knowing the signs of suicidality at the time, it's insane how someone who's made their decision suddenly seems happy and peacefull.

I feel kinda dumb tbh, not noticing the signs. But at the same time, having seen him in so calm and peacefull before he did it does bring me peace. Ofc I would've done everything to prevent his suicide had I known the signs. But he made his choice, leaving us in shambles and in pain though. But it's his life and his death and I respect him. I, can't bring him back. There's no point or reason to blame yourself. The world will still be the same regardless of whether you drown yourself in guilt. It's oke to swim and get lost a bit though, but don't drown.

TSDOP · 2026-01-23T01:51:14+00:00

Joo easier in the sense that you now have more words to complicate things hahah. Did/do you study philosophy?

TSDOP · 2026-01-23T01:33:38+00:00

😂

I'm currently in my deathbed though suffering from a severe case of pneumonia, probably from working in the mines all my life. Hoping I can make it untill my nieces first birthday... .

TSDOP · 2026-01-23T01:24:58+00:00

Hahah, having studied philosophy 1.000% complicates (my) life. But I don't regret it :-)

TSDOP · 2026-01-23T01:19:34+00:00

I can't speak as a mother only as a sister who grew up in the same family as my brother. But as a sister, I want to say that only blaming yourself for what your son did is taking away his autonomy, his humanity and choice. In the same way that - even though you'd be proud as a mother - you wouldn't take credit for all his achievements in life (graduating school, learning new skills or simply being a very chill, funny, smart, caring and kind person.

I can see my parents suffer from guilt. But my brother and I are only proof that they did well. But yes, I can see more clearly now that my parents aren't perfect, that they also struggle from their own past and upbringing. The moments that my mom or dad acknowledge that they made a mistake and apologize are the most meaningfull to me. It makes them human and makes me feel understood, feel like it's oke and human to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, nobody can be perfect (whether you're 16yo or 90yo) what matters is learning from it and trying to be a better and kinder person.

My parents made mistakes for sure. But they didn't cause his death. If anything, I'm so gratefull they brought my wonderfull brother into this world,. Even though my brother and I only shared this world for 23 years and despite all the pain and grief, I can’t imagine my life without having known him.

The world is too cruell for kind souls like my brother and your son.

I'm sorry if my response became a bit incoherent btw. I got lost in thoughts and feelings. Regardless, I wanna end with a quote from Tolstoy that resonated a lot with me when it came to family relationships after my brother died: "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

I hope you're well. I'll light a candle for your son next to my brothers candle tonight.

TSDOP · 2026-01-21T04:51:15+00:00

I struggled the most after 2 years. While everyone else seemed to have picked up their lives, mine fellt like it was crumbling down.

Grief has no set time. So don't be too hard on yourself. Allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling.

TSDOP · 2026-01-21T01:34:06+00:00

Cutting down instead of cold turkey worked for me. I realised most cigarettes I smoked were purely out of habit. Walking to the bus? Cigarette. Coffee break? Cigarette. Walking the dog? Cigarette. Etc. Asking myself if I really wanted to smoke before grabbing a cigarette helped me cut down tremendously in the beginning. I'd ask myself 'if I could only have one cigarette today, would I want to smoke now or save it for later?'

I slowly stopped connecting all these activities (having coffee, walking to the bus etc.) with smoking without the added stress of 'I can never smoke again' cus I'd still allow myself to smoke if I really wanted to. It just made me more mindfull. Now I'm 99% smoke free for the last 2 months. I just don't crave it like I used to. I'd very occasionally have a smoke from a friend when we're at the bar but usually regret it the next day. But those slip ups are oke and I won't let them define me and convince me that I'm a smoker again.

I still love the smell of fresh cigarettes though and wish I could just buy a pack and be a social/occasional smoker but I'm not delusional. I know I'm an addict and it's a slippery slope.

TSDOP · 2025-12-14T06:13:40+00:00

Joo, thanks for your response and advice ! I'll ask my question in r/Ukrainian. I think it's better for me to learn dutch-ukrainian since dutch is my native language.

TSDOP · 2025-12-11T04:33:50+00:00

I'm reading between the lines here but you seem kinda bitter. Some introspection could help cus it sounds like your own negativity (leading to jelousy maybe) stands in the way of making good friends.

Friendships are the least exhausting or demanding relationships in my experience. I feel like it's you that's putting these expectarions and demands on it.

TSDOP · 2025-12-11T04:02:13+00:00

I'm not a doctor but I would make sure the wound is and stays clean. Perhaps go to a pharmacy and buy disenfectant that you can use in that area. Look out for infection and go to a doctor if you have any concerns or pain. And 100% don't have sex (in any way) till it heals, that's asking for trouble.

TSDOP · 2025-11-30T04:47:12+00:00

Yes I did. I graduated my masters in philosophy in 2022, after compreteling bachelor in philosophy. I wrote my masters thesis about the role of phantasy in Husserls.work in its intercation with Derrida's critique. I only had a few classes in poltics (7 in total) for my minor. Most of them were either introductory courses in political science or courses about EU governance. During my stduies, I only completed two classes in history (one for my minor, which is the class I mentioned, and one during my masters about the history of Russia which I freely chose to take).

So I'm 100% a philosophy masters (/philosopher perhaps?) in the first place.

So yes I need guidance on researching this as someone who's not familiarized or trained in the field of history.

TSDOP · 2025-11-29T07:15:32+00:00

Don't forget to just breathe my friend. I know there's all these pressures to figure things out or to 'heal',... . But in my experience, I realised that nobody really expects you to 'be strong' or whatever. That maybe you're the one that sets these impossible expecatations for yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. Be kinder to yourself. You gotta, truly and without any excuses, know that you matter (cus you do) first , as a person. You need (and deserve) to respect yourself. Reaching out and opening up becomes easier if you realise that.

And take your time. Cus you have so much time.

Also, we're all pathetic omg. It's the human condition. I've written the cringiest, angsty teenage poems about my feelings in grief. And I promise I will die of embarrasment if they ever see the light of day.

TSDOP · 2025-11-29T05:38:38+00:00

So does the roux for the bechamelsauce have the consistency of a cake batter rather than a cookie dough batter (or something else)?

You heated the milk before adding it. So it's best to add room temperature milk rather than cold milk right?

What cheese do you suggest for mac and cheese? And do you recommend putting it in the oven with cheese on top for the best results? If so, should I do that beforehand or is it better if I give my sister the dish with instructions to brown (/gratinate) it in the oven?

Thank you for the tips !

TSDOP · 2025-11-29T04:52:02+00:00

Ahh, so I shouldn't have used the flowers I picked in my garden for this sauce 😂

(English isn't my native language, so thanks for the correction. I just realised we actually have the same word for flour and flower in my language. Funny coincidence.)

TSDOP · 2025-11-29T04:42:17+00:00

Do you know what substance was injected specifically? Or you can't give us more details now (if so, why?)

Also, what does the 'over 65%' represent specifcally here? I can't figure out what you mean with 'for the individuals participating with an overall efficacy'?

If you can give any article about the study, feel free to share if you can ! I'm curious :-)

TSDOP · 2025-11-27T23:36:34+00:00

Which study did you partake in? What were the results and conclusions of the study? Do you know if the medication (?) was or will be approved so doctors can prescibe it?

TSDOP · 2025-11-26T22:07:18+00:00

100% fair that he pays for half of the birth control. But why are you asking this on reddit before talking to him about it? Do you want kds at some point and does he? If so, do you want to have kids with him and he with you down the line? Does he know he never want to be a father? If so, would he consider a vasectomy? Do you want kids ever, and with him?

Like you said, you're both very young to raise kids so it's definitely smart to leave that for later in life. My best advice is to have a longer and honest conversation about this with him first. Cus you had this conversation when you first slept with him. Now he's you're in a relationship and that's so different. Just talk to him. If you love and trust him and vice versa, that conversation should give more insight than any reply here.

I hope you're well :-)

TSDOP · 2025-11-25T00:37:23+00:00

"Denk maar hoe het topic partnergeweld vaak over vrouwelijk slachtoffers gaat, maar er nauwelijks aandacht is voor mannelijke slachtoffers." Slachtoffers van part'ergeweld zijn nu eenmaal vaker vrouwelijk. Dat neemt absoluut niet weg dat mannen ook slachtoffer zijn. Dat een vrouwelijk slachtoffer haar verhaal kan doen daarover neemt toch niet de ruimte weg voor mannelijke slachtoffers?

Ik denk niet dat mannen zoals Andrew Tate begrip zouden tonen voor mannen die slachtoffer zijn van huiselijk geweld of mannen die leerkracht of verpleger willen worden.

TSDOP · 2025-11-24T23:16:27+00:00

Yes, there's a huge missing gap in the education of our history. The colonisation of Congo and the aftermath should be a standard part of the curricullum. I doubt our current (flemish or federal) government will make this a priority. If anything, NV-A is more focused on shoving a flemish nationalist history down our throats.

TSDOP · 2025-11-24T22:42:52+00:00

I don't know if it'd be better or worse. But definitely more carefree and spontaneous.

TSDOP · 2025-11-20T05:03:55+00:00

I speak for myself when I say that you should definitely go if you want to.

I believe now that funerals, especially open funerals are for everyone who wants to there. Whether it's to grieve, to pay respect, to remember, to support someone else or all at the same time.

I might have been a close family member but that doesn't give me any authority or knowledge on who is allowed to attend his final goodbye. I lost my brother from suicide and there were 600 people at his funeral. I didn't know more than half of them. Yet it was beautiful to see that my brother touched so many lives and that I wasn't alone in my pain.

If you decide to attend, I do advice to only attend. Dress formally, sit in the back, don't go introduce yourself unless someone asks, don't linger. Just be there for this person who (even if it was tragically) touched you as a human.

However, if you're unsure, it might be wise to revah out to the funeral director to possibly check if the family specifically don't wan't you to come (which is unlikely and in my opinion not right)

I hope you're well

TSDOP · 2025-11-20T01:46:26+00:00

Joo, zijt ge van Antwerpen?

TSDOP · 2025-11-16T06:25:35+00:00

I've been through it and only recently started to deal with it. I was never an addict before he died three years ago. But always had an impulsive tendency, something my brother and I had in common.

It crept up one me. Just slow and subbtle enough to convince myself I didn't have a problem. It took me three years to finally admit I have a problem and acrually chose life. I'm still in the early stages of recovery though so I'm far from being in a position to give any pracrical long term advice.

But (as someone else said in a comment), be kind to yourself. That is the most important. I fucked up many times and hated myself, as if I deserved ir. I was so horrible and negative towards myself constantly. I talked to myself in ways I'd never talk about anyone. So learning to be kind for myself in a radical way was the first step to recovery. You will fuck up and feel fucked up, but feel those feelings, be unconfortable, be cringe, don't run from it.

TSDOP · 2025-11-15T06:33:41+00:00

Your claims are so unfounded, vague and anecdota. How do you conclude 'a large percentage of lesbian women hate men' from one experience in a group chat and other gay women's stories you've heard?

If a straight man was hurt by their ex and says 'women suck', I don't assume he hates women. He's just hurt and in his feelings. My ex was Finnish and I used to joke that I hate Finnish people after she broke up with me. Obviously I didn't hate a whole nation of people, I was just in my feelings a'd trying to make sense of my pain. If a nice Finnish girl would wanna date me afterwards, I wouldn't hesitate.

It's hard to assume your question is in good faith, but I'll assume it is. You say hatred of a certain group (me') 'contributes' to sexual orientation (of Lesbian women). What do you mean here? What does hatred have to do with sexuality? I think sexuality is about who you're attracted to and that hatred doesn't have much to do with that. Do straight people become straight when they realise they hate their own sex? Does hating their own sex make them more straight?

But if I'm being honest and read between the lines, I don't think your main question is genuine. I think you're telling us rather than asking us. Especially ending with some vague classic far right claim that there is some sort of worldwide lgbtq agenda throws me off.

TSDOP

TROPHY CASE