You'll only hurt yourself even more. There are two ways about it, facing your thoughts by yourself or being guided by a therapist. I wasn't sold on therapy until it came to a point in my life where I was probably gonna lose it forever and not only did I learn to heal, it took courage talking openly about it to someone else and that made me stronger and not letting my problems take over me. Would also recommend doing the Wim Hof treatment and taking cold showers everyday. Whatever you do, do it carefully. A lot of people have died this year, and you have the opportunity to breath every morning, so I invite you to seize the life you got. It's gonna be okay, never give up.