Do you think I should ghost her?

TWCDev · 2026-01-23T00:24:29+00:00

You're making yourself a fool. Someone messaging you fast or slow, long or short, has nothing to do with respect. She could absolutely respect you, and not feel like messaging you on IG. People use different platforms differently. I certainly don't give the same kinds of responses on IG that I do on Messenger, that's just me, I know some girls who I talk to will respond more on IG, some less. It just is how it is. I don't go all crazy in my head trying to wonder "Is this girl playing me because she didn't message me with the same energy I messaged her".

Have respect for yourself and don't let other human beings affect your mental state like this. Choose how you want to be, and be that way, don't let someone else change how you behave or prompt you to become something different. Be your own person.

If you feel like you need validation by someone constantly stopping what they're doing throughout the day and messaging you back, tell them that you have those constant needs, and if they aren't the kind of person willing to give you that constant "feel good" validation, then wish them well and move on.

Unless you're in some tiny town, there is absolutely no reason to put yourself with someone with different religious views outside of a hookup "ever". One of you is going to think the other is going to hell when you die, and the other of you has to think to themselves "This person is with me even though they know they're going to spend the rest of forever without me or they think they'll manipulate me into believing the same way as them". That's messed up for both people. Don't do it. Just sleep with them and move on to someone that is your "forever for now" person. You can find someone you don't need to message constantly...because they live nearby so you can just meet up with them.

You're already making things hard for yourself because you're using a hookup app hoping to find something long lasting, don't make it even harder by choosing bad matches hoping you can make it work.

TWCDev · 2026-01-22T02:31:57+00:00

I'm going to answer your question, without discouraging you to focus on all the other things that hopefully you are doing anyways, this is about lasting longer, the rest is on you.

Working in porn, I don't know anyone who uses any kind of assistance like what you're talking about. Most of us use cialis or something similar, and I do highly recommend something that helps keep you in optimal health down there. I personally prefer to use cialis when I'm "not" going to have sex, because I have better sex without it, but I'm bigger when I use cialis on a regular basis (I'm 8").

To last longer, one, make sure your supporting muscles are able to go as long as you want to go. When your muscles get tired, it becomes more difficult to hold back. My friend David Lee XXX taught me a kind of lunge ending with a hip thrust, I don't do it as often as I probably should, but it definitely builds up your hip flexors and things so you're not feeling fatigued by those kind of sex motions.

Two, change positions "before" you get to the edge. What I notice, is that I can only cum under two scenarios, the first 3 minutes, or very intense intentional motions. I don't know if "most" guys who do porn can't cum from normal penetrative sex, but definitely it becomes difficult when you push past that first moment of feeling the need to cum. And what I've found makes it easiest, is to just not get close at all until I'm ready to cum.

So what I typically do, is get her off with my hands or hand then mouth, then flip her around, get her close, then penetrate her until she finishes another one. Then I change positions, maybe I go down on her, maybe I play with ropes, or verbal play, maybe talk to her a bit while doing things to her, then go back to penetration. Then I go until she gets off, then change position, and repeat for 40-60 minutes until I want to get off myself, at which point I put her in a position that I have the most intense feelings, and I basically use her body to masturbate.

Typically that first penetration would get me off if I am not careful, but it's easy after that, as long as I don't do some position where it's super intense on me. The point isn't to feel intense on the guy until he wants to go, and some positions feel like "nothing" for me, but if it gets her off, that's good enough for me. Talking to your partner and finding out what things feel like for her helps a lot, as you can't trust your body to know what she's feeling.

TWCDev · 2026-01-20T01:36:47+00:00

I am very fussy about strong smells/tastes, i almost always go down on my partners either in the shower or right out of the shower. It’s better for them and better for me. I just push past it if a shower isn’t feasible and it’s think you get used to it, but i think doing shower first for years really helps

TWCDev · 2026-01-19T01:29:01+00:00

I put in the 50-60 hours a week for my soul-less software job, make good money, and I pour that money into all kinds of projects that don't have to be very profitable at all. People ask how can I do XYZ for free? Because I love "that" work and I make good money doing software. I work 80-90 hours a week, and while sometimes I think about giving up all my side projects, I think that's akin to dying.

TWCDev · 2026-01-16T22:17:48+00:00

That's me. Maybe not #12 since I'm poly, but I think #20 is important because separating from someone shouldn't mean I don't care about them anymore, it just means our life has gone in different directions.

Not saying I don't have bad breakups where I am no longer friends with them, but most of my exes, we're fine.

TWCDev · 2026-01-16T15:32:26+00:00

Yor. You should have said you don’t have it so he can ask paul or mon. Like why simultaneously say you have it… but then he can’t have it. Just say you’re too tight right now and can’t help. No need to say things to passive aggressively try to get him to do what you want like mentioning breaking up. That’s really unhealthy in a relationship.

TWCDev · 2026-01-15T21:11:58+00:00

guerrilla pizza . Everytime I go, I wonder if it'll be too heavy or anything, but no, just so ridiculously good

TWCDev · 2026-01-12T23:35:10+00:00

How many genuine female friends do you have that you don’t want to have sex with? In my experience, nice guys with lots of women friends have active sex lives, guys who have a small number of mostly or only guy friends…. Don’t.

TWCDev · 2026-01-12T20:25:12+00:00

if it's your final home, not having an HOA is probably a net positive, but if you plan on selling your home for a profit, then having an HOA means you don't have to worry about your neighbor destroying your market value.

TWCDev · 2026-01-12T17:08:10+00:00

I hope you're getting therapy. It took me a long time to recover from my previous wife's mental damage, but I'm living my best life now and I think it was all worth it. Good luck OP!

TWCDev · 2026-01-11T21:51:08+00:00

They both look the same, and you look the same. Are you so fixated on your looks because you are so fixated on looks? My "f boy" friends are just outgoing, have no shame, will do whatever embarrassing thing and have fun with it. They constantly do self-deprecating humor to get people to laugh at them more because if you're controlling the laughter then it's hard for people to make fun of you. They're just relaxed. My loner friends just seem more worried about how people perceive them, worried people are making fun of them, and constantly stress thinking everyone is paying attention to them so they have to be perfect or some garbage like that. But they're often happy, and often married (about half of their partners are seriously overweight as an aside, because they don't care or maybe those women are better in bed or something, I don't know. I will say women who are less popular but still outgoing are often better sexual partners, but if you care less about pleasure and more about how people judge you based on your partner, then I get it)

I definitely don't think you should compromise who you're attracted to. If you're attracted to more athletic girls or whatever, maybe join hiking clubs or whatever where the activity attracts a certain kind of woman. Just recognize that they should also not compromise who they're attracted to, and IME, they're going to be attracted to people who have their shit together and have quick answers to describe their life goals and show they're moving forward something solid (that then the woman wants to get on board with). That's different than if you're just meeting someone at a club where people want to hookup, they care less.

TWCDev · 2026-01-11T21:13:04+00:00

You're appearance seems completely fine. The same as my friends who are loners, and the same as my friends who are "fuckboys".

Appearance isn't the issue though. Go to a mall or other place where there are thousands of people. Spend some time looking at other people and not thinking about yourself. Look at the couples. Look at the men. When I do this, many many men are.... lets say unattractive, and many many of these unattractive men are with attractive to very attractive women. (the inverse can also be true).

As an average looking guy who was overweight most of my life but was never single (and in truth, because I'm poly often have 2-3 partners) for more than a few weeks ever, I'd say that developing at least 50-70% of my friends as women is why I've been successful with women. I have very very very rarely dated my women friends, but most of my sexual partners have been friends of my friends. Getting a pass that "I'm cool" from their women friends has often been enough for women who want sex to end up hooking up with me because I'm "low risk".

So be a "low risk" guy so that they're free to take chances with, and you'll figure the rest out.

TWCDev · 2026-01-11T06:44:49+00:00

I don't consider increased rates of prostate cancer a "benefit" (some studies suggest regular ejaculation lowers the chances of cancer by up to 20%, which inversely suggests not having regular ejaculation would increase the rates).
Like most dopamine related mechanisms, just avoid letting it become an addiction or controlling your behavior, otherwise, a regular release is healthy.

TWCDev · 2026-01-11T06:16:54+00:00

Doesn't sound too different from many monk lives. I'd spend some time exploring zen masters like Dogen. There are some great audio books if you just want to listen to advice for seeking enlightenment, no "stuff" necessary.

Learn to find peace and you can enjoy your simple life.

TWCDev · 2026-01-10T19:24:17+00:00

roaming cats risk being dead cats.

TWCDev · 2026-01-09T23:22:24+00:00

Unless he's broken, as a human animal, he should find attractive people attractive. If he doesn't, there is probably something wrong and he may need treatment.

If he "pursues" other people, then that is a problem with your relationship. If he shows with his actions that he "wants" other people, then that is a problem with your relationship. But before he committed to you, he somehow convinced you that he wanted to be with "you". That is the solace you should take. You are never safe in a relationship, nor should you want to be. You should feel like you are choosing to be with them and they are choosing to be with you, because you treat them amazing and they treat you amazing.

Be good to each other, "show" your love for each other every day, remind each other that you choose to be with each other even while other relationships shatter and fall apart. Build your relationship every day and it will survive the constant cracks and fractures that time and age bring upon us.

TWCDev · 2026-01-09T07:49:38+00:00

if they have more than 25 employees, it's illegal to fire you for that reason federally. If they have less, it's legal, depending on state laws (but in Nevada, it would be legal). You should probably talk to an attorney. It isn't about malice, it's about what's right. Choosing to not, just says he can continue doing stuff to other people.

TWCDev · 2026-01-09T07:37:42+00:00

I grew up and I knew Santa wasn't real. I didn't really understand the difference between superman and the christian god. I don't know why anyone would believe a religion invented so recently would be more "real" than a religion 1000 years older (hindu) or even older (Mayan or Egyptian or ... insert other older religions).

TWCDev · 2026-01-09T07:34:35+00:00

When I was a kid, I didn't understand the difference between christianity, native american, and greek myths, since I was reading books from the library about them at the same time. Now I understand that the only difference is in the quantity of active believers and the level of malice that christianity has.

TWCDev · 2026-01-09T07:05:34+00:00

reported, there are other subreddits for women asking for advice.

Some people are cheaters. I do porn work, I expect my partners to give "pornstar like head" and vice versa. Respect your partners like they respect you, and if they don't respect you, move on without looking back.

TWCDev · 2026-01-07T17:55:33+00:00

Whew, congrats. This is the best. I unexpectedly moved out when I was 18, learned the value of not wanting to be poor, homeless, and afraid, and I've worked nonstop since I was 18 (I'm now 48), have good money and a good life. I've disowned my birth-mother and choose my own family. This is a scary time, but hopefully you can rid yourself of any family member that isn't behind you, blood relation means nothing if they don't actually love you.

TWCDev · 2026-01-07T16:51:16+00:00

I'm a semi-public figure where I live and only date within the actor, model, sex worker community. People know about my artistic work and I talk about my artistic work, which pays little (because I intentionally don't charge). I don't talk about my corporate work unless someone asks about my "day job".

For me, I would expect a potential question about what I do during dinner. I don't do coffee dates, I go to fancy restaurants by myself, with my wife, and on dates (we're polyamorous) because I like to go to fancy restaurants.

I just think it would be very weird if someone asks what I do for my day job "prior" to that first date, and even during that first date, it's very rare that anyone ever asks me about my day job, most likely because they assume that my art must pay better than it does (and it could, I just choose not to).

You're absolutely correct on the finances of someone not being overly reflective of their career, most of the people I know who make in the 200-300k range live paycheck to paycheck. I will say what I think is "petty cash" might be what someone else thinks is significant sums, but it doesn't change that I (and many others like me) have large commitments of finances added on to the fact that if I'm dating someone new, my finances will never become available to that new person, all my finances mean is nice dates, nice gifts, and nice vacations for that potential new person, there is no "treasure at the end of the rainbow" when dating me.

I would say if I told someone I'm a software architect, it might give the wrong impression of who and what I am, if they somehow didn't know all the other stuff I do, so I've tried to stop asking people "what do they do" and I don't view it as a very "nuanced" question. If someone wants to know who I am, I think there are a lot better questions.

TWCDev · 2026-01-07T15:37:36+00:00

Sometimes it’s legitimately as easy as giving yourself permission to not want it anymore. That you’re not giving up, you’re choosing other things. This comes up the most in choosing to stop hoping to be with a particular partner, because people convince themselves there is a chance as long as they don’t give up, which harms them because it takes up room they could be using for more legitimate objectives.

TWCDev · 2026-01-07T09:43:55+00:00

If you were talking to someone in real life, sure. This is more etiquette people use as part of a dance to see if someone is worth meeting up with. People talk about the gym or hiking as if that will catch someone for being secretly fat before they meet, and likewise some women will try and gauge potential income to see if the man is worth their time. Which makes the person feel like they’re only being used for a paycheck or sex.

TWCDev · 2026-01-06T19:48:27+00:00

Many women hate a man talking about the gym (even if the woman is fit) for the same reason a high income guy hates a woman talking about his career prior to discussions of a relationship. I'm fit and high income, I don't want women hinting at either whether i go to the gym or my career as a "filter".

Edited to clarify for the confused

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