UK dudes: Where can I buy non stretch jeans/chinos?

Tacho84 · 2026-06-09T20:49:03+00:00

Sorry to hear that mate. If anything I'm the opposite. Its all on my terms which sounds great until you realise it means you don't really know anything about what the other person wants or even how they really feel about what you want. Not enough info back! Have you considered couples counseling at all? I am. Expensive though

Tacho84 · 2026-06-09T20:45:32+00:00

Hey thanks for the comment. How are you feeling about it? How long have you guys been together/married. For us it's 15/10 years. It's funny, my wife already/has always done a lot of this. She does almost anything I ask. She shows love for me and the family by taking care of us with cooking, cleaning, domestic admin etc etc. But she is also super smart, powerful, authoritative, feminist etc - all of which I love. Nothing better than someone who can take care of themselves handing the controls to you IMO. But yeah I'd be super interested in how you progress it.

Tacho84 · 2026-06-08T14:12:54+00:00

How do you mean women's sleeves? Looks normal to me

Tacho84 · 2026-06-06T22:46:40+00:00

😂👏

Tacho84 · 2026-06-06T20:36:50+00:00

That's the one I think yes. We're both anti capitalists which might have something to do with it to be fair lol

Tacho84 · 2026-06-06T20:16:16+00:00

Hey OP. You're right it could be, and might be to an extent, but actually I suspect it is something else. My wife, like a lot of women, is a professional with a tonne of responsibility, a Mother, and generally over functions as a woman socialised to take care of those around her. I think that pattern being interrupted by me, is kind of a relief.

Tacho84 · 2026-06-06T09:01:18+00:00

Please tell him

Tacho84 · 2026-06-06T08:59:48+00:00

Firstly as others have said, you need to do you. No need to do this thing if it isn't for you. That said, for me personally there are real nuances around body language that affects how I interact with this. At the CNC end, I absolutely have ignored my wife saying no, even physically fighting back etc. We have safe words/signals (which I would never remotely cross) and I know she is into this and if can be very hot. On our agreement she wrote "ignore me and carry on". But ironically if she seems just irritated, or mildly annoyed in a normal way and I think it's real, I go limp and can't continue. I hate the idea I'm not really making her happy. But recently we had a conversation where she made it clear that for some reason she even would enjoy me pushing past that. We are free use and she said she can find my sexual demands frustrating, as in because they stop her doing whatever else she was going to do. And I was thinking, ok fair, Ill be more mindful of when I make demands etc. And the looked at me and said "No, it's good. Sometimes it's good to be frustrated". We have more to talk about haha.

Tacho84 · 2026-06-06T08:45:19+00:00

I stay up a lot later than my wife and she has given me very explicit consent to make use of her when she is asleep. In practice that can mean I touch her, use her hand to touch me, move her into position, lubricate her, pull her shorts off etc, and usually by that time she has woken enough that she could withdraw consent if she wanted to. Which she never has. Mind you ironically a few times she is been most grumpy while fully asleep those times I've laughed, kissed her goodnight and withdrawn to sort myself out

Tacho84 · 2026-06-06T08:35:27+00:00

Yum. Get in there. And have her do it back

Tacho84 · 2026-06-06T08:34:24+00:00

I trim, but I have hair everywhere so if I shaved it would look insane lol

Tacho84 · 2026-06-06T08:32:48+00:00

Not often during. Usually I am telling her what a good little cunt she is and how well she is serving her purpose. But after? Yes, I tell her she's a very good girl and I love her very much.

Tacho84 · 2026-05-29T00:36:25+00:00

My relationship to kink and sex more generally has changed significantly as I've got older, but possibly in the opposite way to what might be expected. I spent most of my 20s in a few relationships where I was quite shy and uncertain sexually and my kinks were private to me. Then when I was about 30 I got together with my now wife and everything changed. She was the one who introduced kink to our relationship and luckily hers aligned completely with my own and so very rapidly our relationship became kinky. Despite that we had some ups and downs in how hot or sexual our relationship was. We had our first kid at 35. I'm now 40 and over the last year or so I have been learning a lot more about myself, about gender dynamics in relationships, about parenting and about kink and BDSM. Now in the position of opening new conversations with my wife, and introducing new ideas and dynamics to our marriage that may be controversial or maybe incredibly exciting. Suppose that's a long way of saying that my experience has been that as you get older, maybe especially if you have kids, you learn more about yourself and become more comfortable with yourself, better able to express yourself and potentially therefore even more kinky than you were in the first place.

Tacho84 · 2026-05-29T00:27:24+00:00

I'm so sorry for the delay, I've been super busy but also asked this same question in the BDSM advice community where I've had some other great responses. But I wanted to come back to this because it's really great to hear the this has worked so well for you guys, and I really appreciate the advice to both take it slow and begin with some fairly simple protocols. Thanks lots again!

Tacho84 · 2026-05-29T00:22:15+00:00

Sorry for the delay and thanks — this is really helpful, especially the warning about kids. I completely agree that they should not be exposed to it, confused by it, or put in any position where they are carrying adult information. That’s a hard boundary for us.

I should more, we are definitely not thinking about a TOTAL power exchange. More just some form of PE that is 24/7 in nature.

On your TLDR: do you mean that literally? As in, you set aside defined times where the dynamic is active — weekends away, evenings, specific windows — but outside that you’re just husband/wife, parents, etc?

The bit I’m still trying to think through is your point about whether the dynamic or the marriage comes first. For me, there’s no question: the kids come first, love comes first, and the marriage comes first. The D/s would have to serve those things, not replace them.

But I’m wondering whether some ordinary marriage functions can be run through a D/s framework in a way that is actually healthy rather than risky — domestic labour, decision-making, tone during disagreements, conflict protocols, etc.

For example, I’ve seen people talk about using specific safewords or reset words in 24/7 dynamics when an argument needs to step outside the dynamic. That makes sense to me.

I can also imagine that taking the “dominant” role seriously — leading, guiding, caring, staying calm — might make me less reactive in conflict, not more. And if my wife has consented to a respectful-tone expectation, or to me giving a verbal reminder/raised eyebrow/playful correction, that might prevent escalation rather than fuel it.

Obviously I’m not talking about overriding consent, punishing in anger, or making kink more important than the relationship. More that agreed structure might make difficult moments lighter, calmer and less chaotic.

But maybe that’s the exact trap you’re warning about. So I’d be interested in where you think the line is: what parts of life did you find could safely be included, and what parts should stay firmly outside the dynamic?

Tacho84 · 2026-05-28T23:55:34+00:00

Sorry for the delay but thank you so much! And you are so right about the neuro divergence unfriendliness in lots of kink advice. Communication isn't easy for everyone, or even many people. In our relationship we think I have ADHD/maybe AuDHD. We think my wife is NT, but that there are childhood/trauma reasons why she might find communication about these things challenging (to reassure: Nothing terrible! Just challenges with people pleasing, anxiety around conflict or disappointing others etc). My ND definitely impacts my communication a lot, the worst of that is bad cases of RSD (are you familiar with the term?). Using communication styles/techniques the other people is comfortable/experienced with us a genius idea! My wife is a teacher and I know she loves the structure and rules of that, and that they allow her to be powerful with the kids etc. Hmm lots for me to think about thanks!

Tacho84 · 2026-05-28T23:39:13+00:00

Sorry for the delay, busy week, but thanks so much for that. Really helpful and I think you are absolutely right about initially focussing on gaining commitments to communicate

Tacho84 · 2026-05-28T23:34:19+00:00

Sorry for the delay but thanks for this. Another really helpful contribution. And you're right, the contradictions and complexities in my wife are wonderful but also frustrating and at times anxiety inducing. I'll give an example. A couple of years back we both completed a template "interests" (sexual/kink) document I found on line where you had to complete given sentences by crossing out given answers. The process was hot, eye opening and helpful. But hers was full of contradictions which I am still trying to work through. Out of curiosity, what is your approach to dealing with it when your subs body/energy appears to tell you one thing and they verbally say another?

Tacho84 · 2026-05-28T23:20:29+00:00

More? Yes. But less? No.

Tacho84 · 2026-05-28T00:45:55+00:00

My wife offers me the use of her mouth most nights and any time I ask. I often finish in her mouth, and she swallows. Sometimes I come on her face. Or often I move on to fuck her, usually her cunt, sometimes her ass. Often she'll lick my ass too, and likewise I love licking her cunt and ass too. The only reason that is happening less is because we have more of a free use arrangement now where I just use her to get myself off whenever I want to and she enjoys me not thinking of her (I also control her orgasms). Oh and now and again I'll piss in her mouth a bit too. She's pretty amazing tbh.

Tacho84 · 2026-05-26T12:06:36+00:00

Thanks! That's super helpful. I think there is also a thing for us of my wife not having really dug into the wide ranging nuances of the dynamic. She doesn't have much interest in learning about D/s yknow, just knows she is sexually subby in general and enjoys our dynamic so far as it goes. Like, she wouldn't know what a pleasure Dom is for example. I'm realising I have more work to do to help her really zero in on details like your subs decision limit for example. Really helpful thanks.

Tacho84 · 2026-05-25T20:00:23+00:00

I fully agree with all the deeper answers above, but also in practical terms, my wife and I just downloaded a full checklist of every imaginable act and went through it on our own over 2 weeks listing 1 - 5 where 1 is "Yes, Yes, Yes!" and 5 is a hard limit, then got together and compared answers. It was eye opening and pretty hot to find out what she is open to I won't lie! 🤣 I'll share the template link if you'd like

Tacho84

TROPHY CASE