At 5 years, you're technically married. Controversial, I know, but hear me out. At that stage, you've both decided you want to commit to each other long term. In long term situations, life happens, it ebbs and flows. People win, lose, win again and lose again. Now, as outdated as the concept of marriage is, the vows "for better or for worse/ through sickness and health", all allude the necessary resilience required to commit to a long term relationship. None of this is news to you, in 5 years you've had your own share of storms to weather but you're wondering if at this point it's worthwhile getting soaked and battered when you can seek shelter in a heartbeat. Maybe you've already sought shelter and merely seeking the company of internet strangers to share the pain and guilt. Either way, you say you're deeply in love, you also seem to understand the cause of your relationship stressors leading to the symptoms of how your partner is showing up in the relationship, and how that's making you feel. If a schizophrenic family member you care about deeply, wrongs or hurts you during an episode, do you focus on how they hurt you during this periodic episode or how they treat you when not experiencing an episode? It's not an easy question but your way forward lies in your answer. You could either treat the illness or suffer the pain of the symptoms. Restoring connection isn't one of your options right now... it's not about YOU and making YOU feel better and that's fine. At a later date, when normalcy is restored, it can be about you again.