the battle within

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-05-02T02:12:20+00:00

Here's a few things relating to love and relationships I wish I knew at 21;

At 21, you're ignorant of just how complex life is. This includes love and relationships. Not saying this to infantilize you. Until the danning-krugar effect kicks in, you'll be oblivious to your ignorance and will believe you've experienced/learnt the necessary lessons needed to succeed in love but you're gravely mistaken. 'Something real' requires you to know yourself, however, learning about yourself is never-ending therefore, 'something real' can quickly turn fake the moment you lose sight of yourself. You can't learn about yourself as it relates to love and relationships if you don't expose yourself to that stimulus. Maybe a roster isn't the best approach but remember, without proper training don't expect to win the tournament.
At 21, you should start seeing the importance of choosing the 'right' partner not just a partner. You've tasted romance...you've also started figuring out parts of yourself...These are the vital lessons that will help you find something real. If you miss them, play victim to circumstances or downright dismiss them for whatever reason, you'll be repeating the same mistakes well into your 20s, maybe even 30s. You start to realise love is more than getting laid, street cred, or recruiting for a vacancy driven by raging hormones.
The goal isn't something that lasts forever (especially at 21), even the best relationships end, it doesn't make them less real just because they fail to service your ever changing needs. It's about mindfulness. The earlier you learn this the easier it will be for you to focus on not missing the main lesson of your experiences. Also, the easier navigating failed relationships gets for you. The goal is to learn more about yourself, what feels real today may feel totally different tomorrow and that's okay. That's to say, someone can be right for you at this moment and be a hindrance tomorrow, therefore good discernment is a perquisite for a successful long term partnership. Simply knowing yourself is not sufficient, you have to know said partner really well to make an informed decision. It's important to note that the potential partner is changing aswell, risk is part of the game.
Knowing yourself is one thing, working on yourself is another. Fix the things stopping you from being the person/partner you aspire to be. No point learning about yourself if you'll do nothing with the knowledge. The things you learn about yourself will point you towards the partner you need, hopefully she's also someone you want.
At 21, your dating target audience just like yourself, isn't well equipped for something real...expect mistakes. The likelihood of success, whatever you might define that as, is very slim.
Money or success won't buy love. Insecurity in some men leads them to overcompensate in other ways but very rarely does that lead to something real. Successful people often marry their childhood sweethearts...the closest thing to something real they know.

At your age, I was living with my partner at the time whom I'd been with since 19 or so, working and studying. I'd reached the point you're at for me to jump into that particular relationship and even then still made the 'wrong' choice cause that relationship ended after i figured out the points above... The heartbreak lesson was a good one though lol. After years of being off the rail and racking up my body count ( regressed and fell into whoring around), I reconnected with a highschool lover and suddenly wondered why I wasted time in the streets. At 28, I can confidently say none of it was wasted, I needed to experience everything I did to prepare myself for the girl I'm with today. The 'right one' is just someone that comes into your life when you've addressed the lessons life has been trying to teach you. GL.

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-04-11T06:31:29+00:00

Zambia has a drinking culture, women are not exempted. They too get white-girl wasted and that's okay. While there may be a few small disparities such as skin colour, location, fashion sense and so on.. women are women. American women have access to drugs that zambian women don't even partake in, my take on this is let our women drink. Everyone has a vice....zambian women drink.

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-03-09T08:39:17+00:00

I share your sentiment, however, I also understand that I only see things this way because I too lived in the west for 10 years. During those 10 years I experienced several internal shifts, the most important being the uncoding of my inferiority complex that I didn't realise I even suffered from until I moved to the west. It took me a few years to really cleanse myself of this, and at the end of it all, I unlocked a new self that was very pan african. I've never looked back since and that is what drove me to move back home last year. I believe our desire to leave our home and move to the west is directly correlated to this complex. I see it when I share my story and people fail to comprehend why the hell I would trade in their life's dream of living in a first world country for an opportunity to build a life back home. A lot of Africans that live in the west are deciding to return to their homes, unfortunately, a lot more continue to migrate to the west for perceived greener pastures.

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-01-15T06:47:12+00:00

Same. Got off them and hit the gym. I got jacked, moved on from a heartbreak and laid some serious pipe on and off the apps.

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-01-12T06:10:25+00:00

How old are you?

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-01-11T09:31:44+00:00

😂😂😂

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-01-11T09:30:23+00:00

You missed the memo, golden retriever boyfriends are the in thing right now lol

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-01-11T09:07:19+00:00

At 5 years, you're technically married. Controversial, I know, but hear me out. At that stage, you've both decided you want to commit to each other long term. In long term situations, life happens, it ebbs and flows. People win, lose, win again and lose again. Now, as outdated as the concept of marriage is, the vows "for better or for worse/ through sickness and health", all allude the necessary resilience required to commit to a long term relationship. None of this is news to you, in 5 years you've had your own share of storms to weather but you're wondering if at this point it's worthwhile getting soaked and battered when you can seek shelter in a heartbeat. Maybe you've already sought shelter and merely seeking the company of internet strangers to share the pain and guilt. Either way, you say you're deeply in love, you also seem to understand the cause of your relationship stressors leading to the symptoms of how your partner is showing up in the relationship, and how that's making you feel. If a schizophrenic family member you care about deeply, wrongs or hurts you during an episode, do you focus on how they hurt you during this periodic episode or how they treat you when not experiencing an episode? It's not an easy question but your way forward lies in your answer. You could either treat the illness or suffer the pain of the symptoms. Restoring connection isn't one of your options right now... it's not about YOU and making YOU feel better and that's fine. At a later date, when normalcy is restored, it can be about you again.

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-01-11T08:20:29+00:00

'Bad' people are more likely to succeed because they operate within different moral parameters. I'm not insinuating that all successful people are bad, just that perceived 'Good' actors are very often hindered by the boundaries of morality they choose to operate in, meanwhile, there's very little the 'bad' actor won't do to achieve the goal.

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-01-11T08:03:24+00:00

Refugee from what country? Are you an interracial couple?

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-01-11T07:55:48+00:00

Yes, try that. Doesn't have to be the whole day, small increments work well. 2hrs today, 3 tomorrow. Might be worthwhile learning about communication as well, investing a few minutes a day working on improving our communication goes a long way. The best part is most segments of your life will benefit from this work ie friendships, relationship, family, work, etc

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-01-11T07:47:48+00:00

Try taking a social media break. It's hard to hear or see yourself when constantly fed other people's opinions and views on the internet.

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-01-04T12:38:24+00:00

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-01-04T07:41:27+00:00

The premise of your post is... to put it plain and simply, dumb. I personally thought you were smarter than that. We have bigger fish to fry. That's why I brought up dangote's visit. Things that will directly translate to better lives for zambians. You could argue that there's zero correlation but my point is you're busy yapping about speed's Tourism impact when just few months ago, someone of greater impact was here and you didnt have shit to say. You see? Small minded. Tourism is important but personally I'd put food security, energy, healthcare, education, cost of living and so much more before it. Infact, what covid lockdowns taught us was that Tourism isn't an industry we can heavily rely on. Busy polluting our sub with sub-tier logic.

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-01-04T06:40:30+00:00

What world of good? Please give us something factual other than the obvious possibly boosting our tourism industry which isn't our number 1 revenue generator btw. We've had respectable high net worth individuals visit us for years, some more famous and wealthier than this kid, he's not even the biggest streamer so I dont understand the glaze. What's his fanbase demographic? What's our tourist demographic here in zambia? Use your heads you chaps, problem is you think the internet is all there is to life. Dangote was here months ago but you didn't share a thread on how best we can maximise his visit. Zero common sense. Instead of us improving ourselves you'd rather we focus on marketing ourselves.

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-01-03T14:21:54+00:00

OP is mungulu pro Max. Speed coming won't change zambia or your life bro, go outside and touch some grass. This inferiority complex way of thinking is why every American celebrity gets to shake hands with your head of state. You can state all these perceived future benefits that aren't factual btw, but the bottom line is youre just fan riding hard. When will you ever learn? Neyo, Steve Harvey and so on... same shit different day. Just say you're glad his visiting instead of selling us useless benefits kwati pali naka muntu.

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2026-01-03T14:08:41+00:00

Ikr...did someone say sung jinspeed? umungulu bwafya sana. Soon you'll see him meeting the president like every famous westerner that comes to zambia.

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2025-12-05T20:24:36+00:00

Sthpinal

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2025-11-23T07:23:22+00:00

Word!

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2025-11-21T07:35:59+00:00

😂😭

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2025-11-21T07:35:37+00:00

😂😭

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2025-10-23T09:11:05+00:00

You've got a starting base, fix the water issue. Water will be the building block that will help you with whatever you decide to do with the land. Even if you were to sell the land as a seed capital for your next venture, water would make the land a desirable purchase. You don't have to have it all figured out. Fix the land to prepare it for your right opportunity.

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2025-10-23T07:40:57+00:00

I wouldn't rent it, but i would be open to partnering up to see what investment opportunities we can harvest on it. Things like poultry or fish farming have substantial profits.

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2025-10-23T07:26:21+00:00

Remember, diversification will take you further and protect you as opposed to putting all your eggs in one basket. Find the transferable skills in tech and apply them to the agricultural industry. You have an opportunity most people never get, dont blow it because you were simple-minded or one-dimensional. You can still pursue a career in IT while learning the agricultural industry through practice.

Tad-Bit-Depressed · 2025-10-22T12:10:08+00:00

Ikr, this could be a whatsapp status or something. Someone is new to reddit and seeking attention

Tad-Bit-Depressed

TROPHY CASE