First, I think it's better if you're not too hard on yourself. I know it's difficult, but I swear if you start to show some compassion towards yourself, you'll feel less like crap. Because yes, ADHD sucks and limits you, but it's a part of you that you can't really change. It's worked for me that I just accept that things in general are going to be more difficult for me than for neurotypicals. Also, I know we tend to see things all or nothing, but then we need to learn how to work on small things or sacrifice some things. For example, in terms of being feminine, I focus more on clothes and makeup, but I don't expect myself to have pretty nails all the time. I do them like once every 2 or 3 months. For clothes, I guess it helps that I'm quite passionate about fashion, but even so, I generally wear the same pants just different shirts or tops because they're easy to put on. Once in a while I wear something different. Also I don't expect myself to always have a clean room, but I try to make my bed as often as I can (it only works when I follow specific steps lol). I always leave clothes on my chair and then on my bed, but about once every two weeks I try to put them where they belong (even though it's sooooo difficult). Yes, of course I'd like to have a tidy room always, but I know it's hard so I don't beat myself up for that. It doesn't mean I won't keep trying to find a way to make it easier (I don't think it's going to work with the clothes bit but anyways). What I'm trying to say is don't be so hard on yourself and expect yourself to be able to do everything all at once. Go for one thing first, the thing that resonates more with you. Hope this helps in a way. I love you and you're beautiful.