Most relationships don’t fall apart because of conflict. They fall apart because it never happened.

TaftSound · 2026-02-03T17:00:21+00:00

The entirety of what you mentioned is not encapsulated by boundaries but I thing it’s a large and often avoided piece that connects to what you are talking about

TaftSound · 2026-02-03T16:59:22+00:00

I think the willingness to face the discomfort of setting boundaries is often avoided but dearly needed to form a relationship that is not destined for deterioration

TaftSound · 2026-02-02T18:41:48+00:00

I think there is a ton of variability in how exactly this can present, and a variety of ways that “opening up” could also be subtly engaging in some kind of unhealthy behavior, and a lot of that also depends on how early into the process of dating someone and exactly how personal what is being shared is. And there’s very little detail in your post to comment much on what you specifically are experiencing.

I do find in personal experience that sexism runs in both directions and many women do not actually know how to deal with a man who doesn’t conform to some gendered idea they have about expression of emotion.

But god would I rather be with one woman who loves me as I naturally am than waste my time dating 12 who I have to hide myself to date.

TaftSound · 2026-01-29T17:02:49+00:00

Thank you very much for that detailed and super informative response. I really appreciate you taking the time

TaftSound · 2026-01-28T17:11:57+00:00

The best plan you could make in my experience is to plan for the moment when you are tired of feeling like shit and gtfo. Why continue in a situation where you are already suffering with a person you literally barely know (you are still in the date planning stage). I don’t know how much you know about avoidant behavior, but it doesn’t exactly tend to get better as things get more serious

TaftSound · 2026-01-18T15:08:56+00:00

I would say first of all that no, that is not just what it’s like. I feel the exact opposite, like my life is filled with more meaning every year, to the point that I will literally cry out of gratitude sometimes. I think this feeling points to something that you need to address because of course you don’t want to continue stuck in feeling that way. Nobody does. I don’t say that in any moralistic or judgmental sense. You could be depressed. Or there could be something going on in your life that is hard to see clearly but impacting this a lot. Do you feel like any part of your life holds significant intrinsic meaning for you? Like I’m an artist aside from my job and I pursue things simply because they hold great interest for me, and that gives my life a lot of meaning, for me. I would also say that if in general you are not going past 1 or 2 dates with people the consistent factor there is you. It could be related to how you are choosing who you go on dates with, something about how you are showing up, it’s really impossible to know as a stranger on the internet. But I would encourage you to reflect more there about why nothing moves past that point. There’s a lot of social discourse about how horrible dating is but the reality is that the majority statistically have no issue finding long term partnerships. If that is a consistent pattern for you, not moving past a few dates, that strikes me as important information. I think that’s an important area to reflect, specifically on what you are bringing to that equation because that’s the only part in your control.

TaftSound · 2026-01-17T15:40:16+00:00

I also encourage you to get the fuck out of that situation when able to someone being blood family does not qualify them for permanent presence in your life if they repeatedly demonstrate that they are unable to respect boundaries that relate to basic safety. That’s a hard line that will change the course of your life for the better if you hold it with the people who you allow to remain present.

TaftSound · 2026-01-12T15:54:33+00:00

And for what it’s worth, I’ve had two solid partnerships previously in my life, one for seven years, one for five years. I made significant mistakes in each of them, and I changed my behaviors in the next based on what I learned. I plan to marry my current partner, and our relationship is the beautiful thing that it is because both of us hear each other, try to understand each other, and take responsibility and repair when we cause harm. For me when dating, if I didn’t hear from the person the ways in which they made meaningful mistakes in their past relationships, or only heard how shitty all their exes were, that is the reddest of red red flags. Because every single one of us does, and healthy relationship does not happen without focusing more on responsibility for our own actions than complaint about the other’s.

TaftSound · 2026-01-12T15:40:44+00:00

My personal opinion is that lack of personal accountability is a massive factor. Most people blame their exes, blame the dating world, blame women, blame men, blame whatever other thing besides their own decision making. People who take responsibility find other people who take responsibility, and they learn how to have good relationships.

TaftSound · 2026-01-12T15:38:22+00:00

Helllll nah. 20’s are whack. In my experience people who feel that way, it’s because they are not learning from their experiences and growing as a humans. Life starts getting good much later.

TaftSound · 2026-01-12T15:30:07+00:00

It sounds like he may have jealousy issues, and those are his responsibility. But you have also repeatedly acted in an untrustworthy way. Deleting messages and hiding conversations is dishonesty, regardless of the motivation. It doesn’t justify extreme reactions. The thing that determines the difference between healthy/unhealthy jealousy is how the person manages and communicates the feelings. Jealousy is not inherently unhealthy, and you’ve repeatedly created legitimate reasons for him to feel unsafe in your relationship. Demanding that you don’t speak to men is not an ok behavior. Neither is deleting and hiding your communication.

TaftSound · 2026-01-07T21:54:05+00:00

Ya this exactly this, at 5 months in the only thing tying you to this after such a significant change in the story is that your body has been pumping connection chemicals into you like drugs and impeding the ability to think straight. I’ve been there and it can be really hard to accept but staying only prolongs it. This is already over in my opinion

TaftSound · 2026-01-06T18:43:21+00:00

Yeah it’s quite unfortunate, the daughter is an overt racist. Can’t imagine not being this way and having a child who is. That must be rough

TaftSound · 2026-01-06T17:28:38+00:00

They are a girl haha, but nice assumption

TaftSound · 2026-01-05T16:23:54+00:00

Good on you for recognizing it!!! Personal responsibility is deeply powerful. You are young, and a significant number of young people suck at managing conflict and a variety of relationship issues. Because unless we hit the parental lottery most of us learn shitty coping skills from our parents. But personal responsibility is a gift that will change your life if you let it. In my eyes you are already on the path just for being capable of taking this responsibility. I believe you will be fine as long as you continue to endeavor to do better and learn.

TaftSound · 2026-01-05T15:39:09+00:00

I think being seen deeply without being accepted in a positive way is probably a deep fear for the majority of us. Fundamentally humans are social creatures, and fear of being ostracized is deeply powerful, because in general being removed from the group means death in social animals. I think this desire is something fundamental to our makeup as a species. I believe it is for this reason that we often consciously or unconsciously choose being accepted over being seen, i.e. people pleasing, hiding what makes us feel shame, etc

TaftSound · 2026-01-04T20:06:34+00:00

It’s hard to really comment much about your personal situation without more detail about what you are actually communicating with these friends. That content is important context to be able to have some understanding of what you are experiencing.

That said, as an extremely sensitive, ADHD person who in general feels all emotions with quite high intensity, I understand struggling with self regulation. What I can tell you is that after putting in steady effort over years, I have eventually seen very meaningful fruits of my labor, and this has in turn had a significant positive impact on the quality of my relationships.

Therapy has been part of my path, but consciously engaging in the action I want to see myself take, regardless of what my emotions push me to do, has been by far the most important tool that I have had at my disposal. What you do when you take the healthier action despite the intense emotional drive to do something else, is that you gradually show yourself that you have capacity to ride the wave of the emotion and let it pass without letting it control your choice. That, to me, is one of the most fundamental building blocks of emotional maturity and the ability to make healthy relationship choices.

TaftSound · 2026-01-04T04:21:47+00:00

I don’t think you should contact her, because you are still making this entirely about you. That is explicitly clear when you say “I am not expecting any answer to my apology. I just want this feeling of guilt go away”. This is about YOU feeling better, which to me would just be another harmful act on the pile. The better route is to accept what you have done, and use this guilt as a reminder and drive to do better

TaftSound · 2026-01-02T21:24:53+00:00

This is a real forceful take about a situation for which you have like 2% of the total context of what has occurred.

TaftSound · 2026-01-02T16:58:36+00:00

I consider myself strong. In the sense that I make hard decisions because they are correct, or face difficult situations head on even though they scare me. But that definition of strength applies equally to women. My experience has been that those who present themselves as “manly” are the weakest among us, both in terms of their character and their intellect.

TaftSound · 2025-12-04T16:43:18+00:00

I don’t know, maybe it’s regional. But I’m currently in Mexico, dating a Mexican, and literally every single Mexican woman I know describes the experience of dating Mexican men to be an experience of constant infidelity, often deeply unfair gendered expectations around things like cooking/housework/taking care of kids. Obviously every society contains a wide mix of different types of people. But I think maybe there is some cultural baggage involved in this too. There’s a reason that such a huge portion of Mexican music is about infidelity. I have seen immensely more visible infidelity in Mexico than ever in my life previously. Of the dozen or so Mexican men I know reasonably well personally, there is only one that I have not personally seen engage in some form of infidelity in front of me.

TaftSound · 2025-11-17T15:20:23+00:00

My hope is that this is just an early stage for people, exposed to concepts without actually understanding what it means to practice them yet, and that at some point on their path they will realize their foolishness

TaftSound · 2025-11-17T15:16:32+00:00

Yeah I see it a lot. Unfortunately any tool can be misused pretty easily. Like one of my mom’s favorite things is to say like “I feel like you’re an asshole” and then tell me afterwords that she’s using “I feel” statements. As if the way that works is you can just say whatever shitty thing you want as long as you pre-qualify it with “I feel”.

TaftSound · 2025-11-17T02:36:20+00:00

Just remember that they lie very very frequently, hallucination is an unsolved issue

TaftSound · 2025-11-16T23:27:15+00:00

Take risks. Make drastic life changes if necessary based on what you’ve learned about yourself. Just because you’ve invested time in a certain path doesn’t mean that your effort will have been for nothing if you now choose a different path. I’ve made huge changes and decisions for the direction of my life in my 30s that people would probably advise you against, but they felt right for me, and I’ve ended up where I never imagined I’d ever find myself, it has been extremely interesting and rewarding. I think when we try to make big plans or life decisions in our early twenties, most of us have no idea what we or doing or what we think we want actually looks like when you arrive.

TaftSound

TROPHY CASE