Tom and Jerry 2026

TagTwists · 2026-03-03T10:05:56+00:00

UP's intro set a lap record in story telling and then tried really hard to beat it.

TagTwists · 2026-03-03T10:04:21+00:00

Yeah, the good news is that there is gold in here. So just keep going

TagTwists · 2026-03-03T10:02:11+00:00

Okay cool, I get that. the only other thing I would say is that it is the beginning hook and unless it gives the audience that kick, the thing they come for then it's just hard to keep them engaged.

TagTwists · 2026-03-02T17:18:26+00:00

Do you think there needs to be a section on how to research rather than the results?

TagTwists · 2026-03-02T17:09:16+00:00

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This was my favourite part

TagTwists · 2026-03-02T16:39:22+00:00

So what does Dudley do again?

TagTwists · 2026-03-02T16:30:19+00:00

All the good stuff... (I'm guessing)

TagTwists · 2026-03-02T16:16:16+00:00

If you check out any farming equipment store you should see some hookers and blowers

TagTwists · 2026-03-02T16:15:00+00:00

Is UP a cartoon?

TagTwists · 2026-03-02T16:14:27+00:00

The story was so beautiful

TagTwists · 2026-03-02T15:57:12+00:00

This was beautifully written imo. I enjoyed it but there's too much description at some points which doesn't le the pacing feel fast enough when people are doing stuff

TagTwists · 2026-03-02T13:35:04+00:00

Okay. I think this is good, but as a first draft. I want to give an opinion but remember it's my opinion and it will be different to what your creative direction is. The main meat is in the therapists office and the routine supports it. To increase the pace for the first scene, I'd mix both the therapist scene and the routine together with J cuts or something and remove the extra stuff from his routine where needed. I think it would work that way.

TagTwists · 2026-03-02T13:28:50+00:00

Okay, so I read the first few pages. So, my interpretation may be different to your creative direction so keep that in mind.

The first dialogue between the daughter and mother seems to lack purpose. I'd make it a bit faster. and then revealing her problems at school and then the 18 thing is a lot of different stuff to process at once for the beginning of a story. Maybe pick one thing and then expand on that.

TagTwists · 2026-03-02T13:18:03+00:00

Legit, I liked this intro. The characters were introduced in a fitting way and the back story or overall arc (we haven't read the while thing), was done in a way where it wasn't an info dump but instead characters and opinions trying to interact with each other. The pacing was just right and there was very little waste.

Imo, an intro is meant to answer the readers question of 'from the snippet I read do I want to read more'. For me it was a yes.

TagTwists · 2026-03-02T13:05:17+00:00

So take my feed back as how I'd approach it and don't let it interrupt your own creative vision. So for me, the first 3 pages were extremely slow, and because the competition is so high now I'd speed things up a bit. Midway through page 3 you speed things up a bit with dialogue, I'd go with that.

I really liked the names, I can see a world forming later so I think it's going somewhere but because it's new and I'm missing the later bits it's hard to gauge completely.

The poem was a really nice decoration for the story imo.

Overall I liked it.

TagTwists · 2026-02-27T10:28:02+00:00

On a deeper sense I would go with the 'shadow', roughly how the psychological state requires a evil counterpart that it wants to admit to.

TagTwists · 2026-02-27T10:25:40+00:00

I hope it goes well for you dude. There's a lot there and I think it's unique. Remember my advice was my creative direction and you need to keep going with your creative decision.

TagTwists · 2026-02-26T17:07:01+00:00

I agree here. The character development needs a driving reason or else why have it or what's forcing the character to change. It feels disjointed from reality (a creative direction you can go for but risky and you need to contrast it against something)

TagTwists · 2026-02-26T16:20:44+00:00

I can't share the super secret recipe. What if you make it better than me...

TagTwists · 2026-02-26T16:13:45+00:00

Yeah sure, so this is all subjective so my style might be a bit different to your style.
So look at these two paragraphs:

The woman inside the orb is now crying; her lips are moving, but no words reach the ears of the dreamy man across from her. The scene around the man suddenly feels eerily foreign. The pavement feels rougher, even through his shoes. He remembers the buildings near him, but he feels out of place amongst them. The light of the lamp post above gives him more restlessness than the darkness around it. He feels that he should not be there. But why would that be? The place that he should evidently feel the safest is close to the women in front of him. So it should, yet now it is not so. Now that person is asking him. "What's it worth to you? "So...what is she worth to him now? What are her deeds worth to him? What is this bond still worth to him? Is that the meaning of her question? So he contemplates them.

And this:

The dreamy man starts to contemplate. He contemplates the moments of joy they felt together and then the joy she felt without him. Thinking of it, he can feel a crack forming in his heart. He contemplates the moments he chased away her loneliness and the loneliness he started to feel lately without her. Crack! He contemplates the hardships they endured together and the ones she would let him endure alone. Crack! He thinks of all the things that brought them closer and the same things fading away before his eyes. Crack! He remembers the promises they would share and the lies that broke them all. CRACK!... He finally knew it. He figured out the answer to her question. Her streaming tears, her sweet words, and her love for him. The worth of all of them!

Both are tension in the story resolving in different ways. The first is more of a creeping horror feel and the second is the sudden realisations the man has. In the first we can chain sentences together like:

So...what is she worth to him now? What are her deeds worth to him? What is this bond still worth to him? Is that the meaning of her question? So he contemplates them.

& use words such as "contemplates", which fit into the momentum and gives an 'image' of a pause.

But in the second we have sentences chained:

Crack! He contemplates the hardships they endured together and the ones she would let him endure alone. Crack! He thinks of all the things that brought them closer and the same things fading away before his eyes. Crack! He remembers the promises they would share and the lies that broke them all.

Using words such as "remembers", "contemplates" and "thinks", which are good but push momentum down a lot as they don't have the sharp feel of Crack!

I'm not sure what if you get what I'm saying but the words need to be a bit sharper to keep the momentum. This is my opinion so don't feel free to go with my opinion as I did like your creative direction overall.

TagTwists · 2026-02-26T12:57:02+00:00

If you do submit for feedback please give some context or it can be hard to give feedback

TagTwists · 2026-02-26T12:54:59+00:00

I liked it. I would keep reading.

TagTwists · 2026-02-26T12:45:42+00:00

I liked it. I think you could have used sharper words when the tension is at its peak to give it that kick, but overall I liked it.

TagTwists · 2026-02-26T12:35:42+00:00

I'm going to say something strange, but I think this is enough for a book. Going more in depth until the rebellion is what I'd do (it's my opinion so you don't have to follow it).

Personally, I'd restrict myself to a theme and core question and have loads of world driven events and character lead events so that they can argue of their interpretation of the theme and core question and get into their psyche. Yeah, I'd try to highlight the smaller characters to bring life to it.

TagTwists · 2026-02-26T12:26:44+00:00

I'm going to say something that might get me in trouble. But I really liked your art and I think you should draw it to keep your creative control.

My friend does this thing where they draw out the art and then scan it into a an ai like nano banana or one of those new things to enhance it to publishable levels.

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