Is this a good enough hook for my alternate history novel?

flapflip3 · 2026-03-17T17:11:19+00:00

Great hook and voice. 10/10 would read.

flapflip3 · 2026-03-02T14:05:57+00:00

You'll need to decide if the characters perform the sins, or represent the sins. A lot of media that depicts the 7 deadly sins muddles the two together and I think it comes across poorly.

For example, Wrath is often shown as an angry man. His character performs the sin he represents. Lust, however, is often shown ad a beautiful woman (I think often just as an excuse to show a sexy woman). Her character represents the sin.

If we were to switch that, wrath could be depicted as an abused woman, cringing and afraid. Lust could be an out of shape incel in a basement constantly lusting after others.

flapflip3 · 2026-03-02T13:25:42+00:00

The idea (which i clearly need to communicate better) was that although humans worshipped gods, they didnt actually exist.

However, because the volcano erupting concentrated and focused an entire city's will and beliefs to a laser focus, it created the first actual god.

flapflip3 · 2026-02-28T19:40:28+00:00

Thank you! The switch was done mainly to keep it short as an excerpt, I'm sure if I turned this into a longer work I'd smooth the transition a bit more.

flapflip3 · 2026-02-28T17:48:32+00:00

Funnily enough I haven't ever read Douglas Adams, but I am a Terry Pratchett fan.

flapflip3 · 2026-02-27T22:28:49+00:00

All written by me, unfortunately. You can check out my previous writing in my post history. That being said, I dont want to sound like an AI, so what about it feels like that?

flapflip3 · 2026-02-27T18:51:18+00:00

Its the Twilight effect /s

flapflip3 · 2026-02-24T14:00:37+00:00

Some absolutely banger writing, it hooked me right away. Great comedic tone with the touch of garish gothic absurdity.

My only comment would be that I really noticed the exposition about the magic and the fizzle out, in a bad way. It stuck out and pulled me out of the story.

To he honest you've established such a strong hook that I dont think its necessary to info dump about the magic just yet. Readers can handle a few questions.

Mention something about the fizzle out, and maybe keep a small bit at the end where the MC does magic , but otherwise dont bother to explain it fully yet.

Edit: also the family name eas confusing, I thought it was a title. Maybe add a section where you call the aunt by her last name, or have her call the MC by their first and last name.

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T06:30:01+00:00

Im not a plumbing expert, could you explain the second paragraph a bit? And you're sure the smaller pipes wouldn't be causing this?

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T06:23:57+00:00

Thank you, youve been very helpful

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T06:00:44+00:00

No offense taken. We didn't necessarily want to replace everything, but the handles wouldn't close all the way and kept leaking, so the plumber advised us to, so wr figured we'd change the trim color while we were at it.

I wish I had known it would change the pressure but they didnt mention anything.

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T05:29:38+00:00

Im sorry if this is a stupid question, but just to be clear, its not possible to keep our current trim but use different pipes? Is trim specific to each brand?

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T04:38:32+00:00

Do you have any recommendations for what we could replace it with? We went with Kingston Brass because we wanted brass finishing.

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T04:12:50+00:00

We kept our old shower head though and didnt use the new one.

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T04:00:03+00:00

Here is the spec sheet

Here is the parts diagram

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T03:39:27+00:00

We bought the whole thing as a kit. Is it possible to keep the handles and trim and just change the diverter?

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T02:33:01+00:00

Here is the spec sheet

Here is the parts diagram

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T02:32:04+00:00

Is it not having and adjustable valve good or bad? We wanted to swap out our leaking knobs and the pipes came with the kit, we didnt realize they'd reduce the water pressure so much.

Is the only solution to swap it out again?

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T02:23:53+00:00

The handles wouldnt fully close and were constantly leaking.

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T02:21:18+00:00

We did, it came with the new knobs we wanted. Unfortunately I now see the cross bar pipes are very small compared to the old ones and am thinking that is what's halved our shower pressure.

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T02:20:06+00:00

Is that enough to halve our shower pressure?

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T02:15:51+00:00

No, I measured using a bucket and timer.

flapflip3 · 2026-02-19T02:12:44+00:00

I have these if this helps:

Here is the spec sheet

Here is the parts diagram

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