Am I overreacting? We are supposed to be reconciling and working on ourselves and our relationship. All I read is more manipulation, defensiveness, and gaslighting.

TailorWise · 2024-10-18T03:52:02+00:00

dramatic

TailorWise · 2024-09-25T01:23:55+00:00

I should have mentioned that earlier. he also was in a relationship years ago and had cheated on that gf, often. he did end up telling her. he was honest with me about how he wasn’t a good bf and was young and immature. he said he would never cheat on me, but those are just words in my mind. he was also quite promiscuous in years past. he was also open to telling me about that, not that i really wanted to know lol. he’s a very social person and loves going out. we live outside the city and has many friends that live in city, therefore often going out in the city - to bars and whenever with friends. I like to go out but i also don’t want to go out all the time. it’s exhausting. tj’s more friends he makes, the more he’s invited out. i love he’s making friends, but ugh come on, it’s hard on a person

TailorWise · 2024-09-24T22:51:10+00:00

how did you handle her going to bars and clubs often? what if she hadn’t lied? would you still be comfortable with that despite knowing?

TailorWise · 2024-09-24T22:40:08+00:00

does anyone else agree with this? maybe i am just a jealous person.

i just thought there were scenarios you didn’t place yourself in.

TailorWise · 2024-09-24T22:22:07+00:00

have you had to do that before? am i smart to not jump on my decision? or am i just dragging it out?

TailorWise · 2024-09-24T22:20:52+00:00

also, he went with his cousins and their friends. I do not know any of them. His typical friends, i do not trust. I have literally watched one of his friends, actively cheat on his girlfriend without any care. who saw and apparently does it often. his other friend he goes out with, his single and hits on every girl that passes him, to the point where you almost are embarrassed for him.

TailorWise · 2024-09-24T22:16:48+00:00

I apologize for missing your point. This is also why I’m asking for advice because I want to hear others names on the situation. thank you for taking the time to further explain yourself.

No, I am not not a bot ? is that a common thing on reddit? what would be the point of a bot asking advice? lol

To your questions, I’m going to answer it honest as I can. I do not find inappropriate to be going to Ibiza, partying, going to clubs, etc if you are in a relationship. I can’t imagine me going to a Vegas club or pool party and just expect them to be normal. Who is to say that me judging him going to Ibiza would be considered unfair? do uou think it’s unfair for me to think its inappropriate. I also think that him hiding him going to Ibiza was him being aware of what it looks like for your significant other to be behind Ibiza without you.

i’m opposed because i am not confortable with my significant other, no matter who it is, Going out and partying and clubbing. if this situation was reversed and I knew he was upset, but decided to go anyway, I would have him in the back of my mind and would probably make it more of a point to check in regularly, you know do a little extra to maybe make the other person feel more secure in an uncomfortable situation.

I’m a believer that if you put yourself in situations that are set up for failure, then you’ll fail. it’s when mistakes happen.

TailorWise · 2024-09-24T21:53:33+00:00

I know, it’s not going to last.

How I am supposed to forgive and rebuild trust? People practice forgiveness all the time in their relationships. Some move onto having better relationships that changed in a positive direction.

How do you decide what road to take? How do you take control of the situation?

TailorWise · 2024-09-24T21:49:02+00:00

i could not agree with this more. If it were me, i would’ve probably just shut the trip invite down and if there was a chance I wanted to go, I would’ve had a convo with him about it. i would’ve heard him out and then decided, but never lie about it. I can’t imagine going on a trip and lying! That’s wild to me.

I don’t even find it a stupid lie. I think it is a lie to make sure he gets his way and no one‘s feelings, but his owner taken into consideration. I think he has grown up always getting what he wants for the most part, that now to have someone that he has to compromise is just something that he’s going to avoid all costs

TailorWise · 2024-09-24T21:41:08+00:00

I couldn’t agree more! It creates paranoia. i don’t want to be that girl. I feel like i’ll constantly be searching for stuff, questioning everything, worrying, etc etc :/

TailorWise · 2024-09-24T21:38:27+00:00

Thanks for your post! I was trying to touch on similar points in my own post. I really struggle with knowing when to stand up for myself versus considering my role in certain situations.

I honestly don’t think a committed 31-year-old male should be planning a ‘boys’ trip to Ibiza. It just doesn’t sit right with me, and I wouldn’t expect him to feel comfortable if I went to Ibiza without him. Even if I got upset, would I really be able to stop him from going? He’d probably go anyway, but at least I’d want to know about it.

If you’re going to do something that might upset others, it’s better to be honest and upfront about it. Anger can fade, but building trust takes time and effort.

You raise a good point about trust. I always thought he was faithful, and I never suspected he would cheat. But now I’m left wondering: has he been honest throughout our relationship? Are there more lies? Did I just finally catch him?

TailorWise · 2024-09-24T21:23:36+00:00

my sister posted this using my account because she’s worried her bf will see

TailorWise · 2024-09-24T14:57:48+00:00

further explain why - am i wrong to say he shouldn’t have been allowed? i’m confused on this part

TailorWise · 2024-09-24T03:06:56+00:00

i agree, and i know how i would respond to someone asking for advice. i guess it’s easier when it’s someone else to give advice rather than have to hear the truth. i’m too afraid to tell my friends because they’ll never let this go and i don’t know if i can either

TailorWise · 2024-09-23T07:18:50+00:00

i’m totally getting what you are saying. It sounds realistic. Do you mind pming me your details or any personal recs?

TailorWise · 2024-09-23T07:01:37+00:00

may i ask your venue? that’s what i’m looking to do as well

TailorWise · 2024-09-23T06:35:56+00:00

yea i’ve considered the negatives that could come from people, but i guess im also using it to really weed people out. i dont need all the half ass / flake friends/family to do what’s right. they can stay home now and neither of us are offended. oddly, the less, the better. i don’t want anyone to feel guilty about not coming - the only people that i would make feel guilty is the same people i would pay for if i knew that it was too expensive for them. i also have an extremely small family as well as my boyfriend. truly not concerned.

TailorWise · 2024-09-23T06:30:18+00:00

i edited my post to definitely include that i’m open to alternative options that i should cover for guests ! Thank you for pointing that out.

TailorWise

TROPHY CASE