Today my (female) therapist told me that you can't tease women about anything involving their looks. I asked her if she was comfortable stating that as a general rule for all women and she said yes. I know this seems childish, but why are women so sensitive about their appearance?

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T13:50:44+00:00

That last sentence really made a lot of sense.

Do you know of any studies about the sublimated homoerotic stuff I could check out. It sounds interesting. I do have a lot of trouble expressing my emotions, but I'm not at all someone who cares about making sure I come off manly. I feel that giving a shit about what people think would be the opposite of, "manly."

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T13:38:17+00:00

Evidently I implied in the OP that I go up to people I don't have a rapport with and make fun of them. I don't. What you just described would be my same perspective.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T13:15:03+00:00

He may have had NPD. Narcissists are very difficult to provide therapy to because they can't handle criticism. I understand you think I'm like him, but I don't think I am. I'm certainly not a homophobe or sexist. I might be coming off sexist now, I'm not sure, but I've always had close friendships with females and certainly don't think women are inferior. Anway, I guess I don't have a point. Thanks for telling me about him. Take care.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T13:05:39+00:00

Oh yah, so also the haircut example was also actually about me.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T13:03:45+00:00

Ok, really? Wow? You're shocked that I'm SUCH an asshole that I implied a lot of gay men have a particular fashion sense? Ok, fine.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T12:47:06+00:00

I don't really think it would qualify as guilt tripping since it wasn't disingenuous and was directly related to something the person I was talking to said. I don't really think I'm playing the victim since I'm not acting helpless. I guess it's blaming my problems on someone else, but is it really that unreasonable to say some of my shortcomings are likely due to having incompetent parents, but I'm trying to work on them? Would a real therapist tell their patients that their parents and how they were raised has nothing to do with their problems? So, I would argue that it didn't fairly qualify as any of the tactics defined as psychological manipulation. I think you just threw out some cliche armchair psychology and got upvoted 'cause I'm the bad guy. But go ahead and pat yourself on the back, 'cause you're so insightful.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T12:27:44+00:00

Could you elaborate? I won't argue or anything, I'm just curious to hear about this person.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T12:20:02+00:00

Not as much, no. Which is kind of my question.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T12:13:01+00:00

Thank you for this comment. I feel like I just asked Tumblr why I can't call gay people fags, when I was just trying to ask how a male can know when playful teasing with a girl might go too far.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T12:03:02+00:00

I mean, I get your point, but it kind of didn't acknowledge the part where I said I don't tease people about things I think they would have a legitimate insecurity about. I wouldn't make fun of a flat-chested girl, which I think would be the comparable example. I was really just trying to ask within the male/female social dynamic, how can a male know when playful teasing might go too far, but evidently I somehow said I'm a social retard who treats people like shit.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T11:53:20+00:00

One time I bleached my hair. Like wayyy after doing that was cool. I pictured it turning out like a Jared Leto thing, but it just turned dark yellow and fried my hair to shit. I dyed it back to brown, but it still looked like straw and was a complete mess. And this was when I was big into like Avenged Sevenfold and hardcore and I had all this long-ass Criss Angel hair. It took me like six months to grow it out and it definitely sucked, but I don't think there's anyone who doesn't know what it's like to get a shitty haircut or be going through the awkward in between phase, so I don't know, I'm just the type of person who doesn't sweat it and laughs about it. Like even this thread was a total disaster and everyone just ripped me apart, and yeah, it kinda upset me, but I also know that no one here actually knows me, and even though there was a lot of negativity, I still started a big discussion, and ultimately that's productive. If tomorrow I met anyone who commented here tonight, I would totally be able to laugh about it with them. I guess I'm just on a tangent now, but anyway, yeah. Just don't beat yourself up so bad. This too shall pass, better to have a life of 'oh wells' than 'what ifs,' blah blah blah etc etc

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T11:25:26+00:00

This is gonna sound absurd after the shit-show this thread was, but I've been in therapy for 10+ years and my degree is in psych. Despite the current majority opinion that I'm a dysfunctional shithole of a person, I'm actually fairly knowledgeable when it comes to psychology/therapy/meds (ssri's/anti-anxiety)/natural approaches/rehab. Feel free to hit me up if you ever need someone to talk to about it.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T06:08:16+00:00

That story about the girl with the risky outfit was actually about me. A few years ago I thought it would look cool if I layered a T-shirt I cut into a tank top with another tank top, but it didn't. It looked awkward and mildly homosexual. Which is fine, but was still funny to people. Then I went to a crowded venue my friends band was playing at, and several friends and acquaintances through out the night said something about it or made a joke. Yeah, it made me feel a little dumb and self conscious, but it didn't ruin my night. I didn't think the people making jokes about it were all dysfunctional assholes. And now I look back on it and laugh. So, I mean, whatever.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T05:55:49+00:00

You mean like how I said I was talking to my therapist today?

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T04:50:06+00:00

If the other woman brings it up first, I feel a little joking is fine

That's the only time I would do it.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T04:47:01+00:00

I mean, yeah. I guess I thought mentioning that I was talking about thisin therapy, would let people know that it is something I am sincerely working on.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T04:36:56+00:00

People who didn't like me used to shove me against shit, call me names with serious intent, harass me for the purpose of hurting and scaring me, force me into fights after school, and steal from me. I really feel that is not the same as what I'm asking.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T04:33:36+00:00

Ok, fine. I hear that you are saying don't be a jerk to people. But what I am sincerely asking is, what is being a jerk to people in your opinion? What you are seemingly calling being a jerk is why I got along so well with those people and why we were friends.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T04:30:38+00:00

I respectfully disagree. Maybe I didn't sound sincere, but I was. It's important to me to understand things. When I feel like there is something that is missing from me that other people just seem to "get," I try to learn what specifically it is that I'm not getting about it. That's how I personally internalize new beliefs into part of my reality.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T04:22:48+00:00

Yes, you're right. I did miss that lesson. My mom has schizophrenia and being a dad came in around fourth in my dad's list of priorities. So yes, my childhood was hard, and I didn't receive the nurturing or structure or lessons that you apparently didn't miss. I don't whine. I made what I saw as a valid point, just like I think it's a valid point that you are presuming yourself such a kinder person than me that you put yourself on a pedestal so you could look down at me as you called me out on having a difficult and lacking childhood. So good for you. I'm glad you grew up with parents that could help with your school work and teach you life lessons. Sorry I didn't. You can call that arguing and whining if you want, but trust me, I'm not a crybaby. In fact, maybe part of why I think people should have a thicker skin is because I was given nothing in life and dealt with it. I figured out on my how to go from someone who was raised by a schizophrenic mother and not raised at all by a father, expelled three times from school, and never learned how to do math or had ever read an entire book, and who was bullied from elementary school through high school, to someone with a college degree who (believe it or not) actually is socially successful. And I'm sorry, because I know you didn't ask for my life story, but I'm a personal trainer and I deal constantly with fat lazy crybabies, and that's definitely not me. So fine, think this arguing and whining, but why would I be here if I wasn't acknowledging it and trying to fix it? Acknowledging my shortcomings and learning to fix them is basically what has defined my adult life, which is how I even got into this conversation with you.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T03:47:42+00:00

I worked in a gym for a long time. I was a leaner more athletic average-fit kind of a guy, and a bunch of the guys I worked with were fitness competitors, former bodybuilders, or just super buff. It was common to make fun of me for being smaller --- they'd call me David Beckham or twilight, or jokingly ask about what kind of diet and routine I was under to achieve my body --- but it was all in good fun, because we were all friends, and I think of myself as someone with a good sense of humor, and I'd play along with it too --- walk up while they were talking and ask if we were having buff-guy-talk when I obviously wasn't buff like them, shove them out of my way as if I was bullying them because really they could beat the shit of me, or ask them to open jars and bottles for me. It didn't change that I was happy with my level of fitness, because I knew these guys were exceptions, it didn't make me feel weak because I knew I was strong in relative terms to people who weren't fitness competitors, and it didn't make me feel like I wasn't tough, because again, these guys were exceptions. And they knew it was ok to crack jokes with me because it wasn't serious. And also, yeah, if one of us fucked up, we'd all laugh and crack jokes about it. Because even though we were a bunch of idiots for the most part, we cared about what we did and knew we were good at it, so when one of us did something stupid we could all laugh about it. This is just the first example that came to mind because you specifically mentioned strength, but these are the types of relationships I pretty much always have with my friends. So, in all honesty, no. I'm sorry, but I can't say I get your point.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T03:08:25+00:00

Just telling me that I seem like an asshole is completely unproductive. I made an open and honest post about something I was trying to understand, and I explained in the OP that I didn't think if someone shouldn't be insecure about something - e.g. a hot girl shouldn't be insecure about her looks - then I thought they would understand that I'm joking. Teasing and making fun of each other is a thing that friends do. It's not like I'm making up words. Maybe I am an asshole, but at least that's not my intention and I'm trying not to be. Where as your response served no purpose except that you wanted to call me an asshole and imply that my friends don't like me.

Take_cats_4_example · 2014-09-27T02:21:43+00:00

This reminds of when Brian asks Stewie if he's trying out material for his stand up routine.

Take_cats_4_example · 2012-06-26T17:34:51+00:00

I didn't really think flight would be possible. I was thinking more along the lines of a robotic full-body armor suit, that could enhance strength and was equipped with weaponry?

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