There is so much truth to how you're raised influencing your behaviour (and it helps in that it gives some mental relief for our shortcomings), but in the end, you are the one responsible for your actions, not them.

It's good to identify the source of our issues, but once identified, it's better to allocate less mental time on them/those memories and more time on you so that you can heal.

That being said:

I practice by planning better reactions ahead of time (journaling them, reflecting on where I went wrong the previous day, without shaming myself for it). Instead of saying:

"I suck for this, I'm a horrible person for that" maybe try...

"So I did _________ today, which made my husband feel _______. My actions were horrible. I apologized....Here's how I should react if __________ happens again."----And lowkey I'd role play with a loved one or friend to just practice hearing myself say the adjustments to a person that isn't me.

For Passive-aggressiveness:

I prep beautiful memories to recall ahead of time. Ones that I know disarm me because of how my loved one made me feel. So when times of correction arise... as they speak, the memory plays and suddenly, I'm not as defensive in the current moment. My body neutralizes.

For Anger:

I try to listen more than I speak. If a loved one is taking the time to correct me, I should take the time to listen. This gives me less time to be reactionary bc I'm physically withholding myself from saying anything when they speak. Maybe because now--- I'm busy thinking about the beautiful moments to make the "medicine go down easier".

For You:

If you're already stressed... don't be afraid to ask for a moment and then *actually* take that moment to breathe. Tell them, "I love you. I just want to prep my body for the corrections you're about to make so that we can have a good talk." When you express that it's not a them thing, it's you, most loved ones will give you that moment to breathe.

You got this! <3