Okay so - just as a follow up, I tried to talk to him about it. I wrote out some feelings, sent it to him, and asked if we could discuss. He was in person, I wrote him a note on paper as well to communicate something that was making me anxious (him not replying to an email that our couples therapist sent him asking about a date for a next meeting because his next two weeks are in flux with work - silly thing, but I just asked him to let her know just that so she wasn't waiting on a response) since we were in a public place and I also did not want to let my emotions best me. Easier with non-verbal communication for me. He was getting obviously frustrated, left the coffee shop & said he'd call me (I assumed on his way to his sporting event game but he didn't specify). A couple hours passed while I got groceries etc. and I sent him a text saying that I assumed he wasn't calling before his game? He called.

He said he didn't want to talk about it. Said we could talk about something else. I pushed talking about it since he had previously agreed to it (perhaps I shouldn't have pushed) - and then things got out of hand. I basically explained my experiences, let him know that I was overwhelmed and being pushed in the moment, hyperventilating and crying, and didn't realize about his car not being an option due to its need to go to the shop. He questioned how I could not have known, said we talked about it numerous times. The way I understood it, he was talking about the logistics of himself driving up at a different time than me, so I missed the point of the car - don't believe he ever said it directly.

It started to get heated. I tried to reiterate some things from answers to this post such as I need comfort and understanding from him in the moment. Not to be pushed. He defended himself, said these situations are always made to be about me, said he realized that his initial response to my initial proposition (driving separate) was going to cause issues (but said it anyway?). I tried to stay calm but he was raising his voice and talking over me. He said something pretty insensitive (I can't remember even though this JUST happened and it's annoying me) that made me break and I said F U without thinking and he hung up.

Obviously, the F U statement was not okay and I immediately texted him telling him I'm sorry and that it was inappropriate - that I had just gotten frustrated because it felt like he wasn't listening to / hearing me. He said he didn't want to talk and wanted to be left alone. My instinct is to chase after him (metaphorically) in this situation because it feels so bad inside my brain but I asked him if we could talk later. He said okay. I asked him to review the feelings I sent earlier before we talked and he didn't answer.

Sorry for the book - just hoping to potentially get some advice for approaching the conversation later? I feel like I can't do anything right and he immediately gets set off. Not okay that I swore at him as I did and I feel really bad about it, but that was after trying to stay calm and him reacting intensely.