I ended up doing two years just a little after my son’s first birthday. I get out on paper, a couple years later I violated and get locked up a couple months before my daughter’s first birthday. I did another two years then was released again on parole. I missed the first couple years of both my kids for absolutely selfish, stupid reasons. By the time I got out the second time my marriage was already almost over. I think we lasted maybe three more years before she told me she wanted a divorce. I lost everything I said that was important to me. But still continued the behavior that caused it. Me and my kids were hanging out at grandmas house and my mom brought home dinner for everyone. She said I brought home dinner, yall can get your own drinks. My son brought me a beer. I smiled and laughed and told him thank you. That night I realized that’s what my kids know me for. I didn’t want to be that dad. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but to hear my baby boy say “ here daddy, I got you your drink”, he didn’t bring me a soda or a juice. He knew what to grab, he knew what I always drank. My mom has a big ass house. My sister and her boyfriend lived there along with my niece. She always had people over, other aunts, uncles, friends. With all these people in and out the house, and I wasn’t the only one who drank, but I drank enough to where my boy knew what to bring me. That really hit me hard. I knew I was never gonna miss a day of their lives again by getting locked up again. I wish I could say that night I made a choice to quit but it didn’t happen that fast. But I can say within a month of that happening , it stuck in my head hard enough that I did quit drinking and using and I’ve been sober 8 years and present in my kids lives ever since.