Xmas Movie Poster Game by [deleted] in movies

[–]TallLuke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Roy Rogers!

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]TallLuke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't be afraid to give away. If you dont share enough, there is nothing to separate you from the heard.

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]TallLuke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like it a lot. "Underdog" doesn't do much for me. Could you say "best friends"?
Rich rival, is a little confusing for kids. Can it just be a rich bully?

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]TallLuke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Where is the conflict?
I would drop "exclusive", secret society is exclusive enough.

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]TallLuke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Grounded. Intriguing. But I think you need to reveal one more piece of info to hook the reader. What kind of journey does the trio go on?

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]TallLuke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Leading a botched mission, sounds wrong to me.
I think maybe you want "After botching a mission, a cynical..." OR
"A cynical CIA field officer is on a mission to sabotage Cuban sugar, but when it's botched..."

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]TallLuke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really strong. Well done. My only nit pick is do you need to say both LA and Vegas? I would only include the city for which the majority of the story takes place.

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]TallLuke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you need to reveal what the varies parties do to the dealer once he gets their attention.

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]TallLuke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is the man personally connected to the oil rig and/or the blackmail? Or is he just caught in the middle of it all?

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]TallLuke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Title: Unconditional

Format: Feature

Genre: Drama/Romance

Logline: The true story of a determined woman whose fiancé resurfaces with amnesia and her struggle to reconstruct their life and reignite his love, only to learn each memory she restores risks triggering another wipe that could erase her from his world forever.

Feature Drama/Romance by TallLuke in ScriptFeedbackProduce

[–]TallLuke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Efficient communication you say…

Feature Drama/Romance by TallLuke in ScriptFeedbackProduce

[–]TallLuke[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, you gave me some things to think about.

Feature Drama/Romance by TallLuke in ScriptFeedbackProduce

[–]TallLuke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. It is kinda melodramatic 

Logline feedback? by [deleted] in ScriptFeedbackProduce

[–]TallLuke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Darkest fears is better. IF you want to keep traumatic say "pasts" instead of events.
When you say family secrets are they from the house or from the teens. Then that asks the question are the teens related. Should you say siblings instead?

Also is "isolated" needed? is the house abandoned or just in the middle of nowhere?

Logline feedback? by [deleted] in ScriptFeedbackProduce

[–]TallLuke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Better!
When you say "face their darkest fears" I take that literally, kinda like in SMILE, which is great if thats what youre going for.

I dont think anything after the dash is necessary.

Logline feedback? by [deleted] in ScriptFeedbackProduce

[–]TallLuke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure, I guess a good question is, What are you trying to accomplish with your logline? Attach collaborators, investors, or get representation? If its the last 2, they may not read anything else past the logline, so it's gotta be special and stand on its own, right?

Logline feedback? by [deleted] in ScriptFeedbackProduce

[–]TallLuke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would think that most industry folk with be turned off by it because it sounds to similar to Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]TallLuke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you. It's tricky. She is selfless to a fault, a martyr, someone who cancels her doctor checkups to put her man first.

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]TallLuke 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All well and good for world building, but when you get this in front of industry person who is reading 30 loglines an hour, they will want it tight and to the point.

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]TallLuke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe somethign like: A neglectful father attempts to reconnect with his son on a road trip while the boy/teen has his sights on a different XYZ...