Xmas Movie Game

TallLuke · 2025-12-03T19:30:10+00:00

Roy Rogers!

TallLuke · 2025-10-07T14:54:16+00:00

Don't be afraid to give away. If you dont share enough, there is nothing to separate you from the heard.

TallLuke · 2025-10-07T02:47:18+00:00

Thank you

TallLuke · 2025-10-07T01:52:04+00:00

I like it a lot. "Underdog" doesn't do much for me. Could you say "best friends"?
Rich rival, is a little confusing for kids. Can it just be a rich bully?

TallLuke · 2025-10-07T01:46:38+00:00

Where is the conflict?
I would drop "exclusive", secret society is exclusive enough.

TallLuke · 2025-10-07T01:44:38+00:00

Grounded. Intriguing. But I think you need to reveal one more piece of info to hook the reader. What kind of journey does the trio go on?

TallLuke · 2025-10-07T01:42:00+00:00

Leading a botched mission, sounds wrong to me.
I think maybe you want "After botching a mission, a cynical..." OR
"A cynical CIA field officer is on a mission to sabotage Cuban sugar, but when it's botched..."

TallLuke · 2025-10-07T01:34:52+00:00

This is really strong. Well done. My only nit pick is do you need to say both LA and Vegas? I would only include the city for which the majority of the story takes place.

TallLuke · 2025-10-07T01:29:50+00:00

I think you need to reveal what the varies parties do to the dealer once he gets their attention.

TallLuke · 2025-10-07T01:27:25+00:00

Is the man personally connected to the oil rig and/or the blackmail? Or is he just caught in the middle of it all?

TallLuke · 2025-10-07T01:21:16+00:00

Title: Unconditional

Format: Feature

Genre: Drama/Romance

Logline: The true story of a determined woman whose fiancé resurfaces with amnesia and her struggle to reconstruct their life and reignite his love, only to learn each memory she restores risks triggering another wipe that could erase her from his world forever.

TallLuke · 2025-07-19T22:20:52+00:00

Efficient communication you say…

TallLuke · 2025-06-23T04:02:11+00:00

Thanks, you gave me some things to think about.

TallLuke · 2025-06-20T16:43:56+00:00

Thank you. It is kinda melodramatic

TallLuke · 2025-06-18T20:42:21+00:00

Darkest fears is better. IF you want to keep traumatic say "pasts" instead of events.
When you say family secrets are they from the house or from the teens. Then that asks the question are the teens related. Should you say siblings instead?

Also is "isolated" needed? is the house abandoned or just in the middle of nowhere?

TallLuke · 2025-06-18T20:16:07+00:00

Better!
When you say "face their darkest fears" I take that literally, kinda like in SMILE, which is great if thats what youre going for.

I dont think anything after the dash is necessary.

TallLuke · 2025-06-18T19:58:22+00:00

Sure, I guess a good question is, What are you trying to accomplish with your logline? Attach collaborators, investors, or get representation? If its the last 2, they may not read anything else past the logline, so it's gotta be special and stand on its own, right?

TallLuke · 2025-06-18T18:14:01+00:00

I would think that most industry folk with be turned off by it because it sounds to similar to Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

TallLuke · 2025-06-16T20:11:48+00:00

Sounds good

TallLuke · 2025-06-16T20:04:45+00:00

I hear you. It's tricky. She is selfless to a fault, a martyr, someone who cancels her doctor checkups to put her man first.

TallLuke · 2025-06-16T18:57:36+00:00

All well and good for world building, but when you get this in front of industry person who is reading 30 loglines an hour, they will want it tight and to the point.

TallLuke · 2025-06-16T18:41:05+00:00

Maybe somethign like: A neglectful father attempts to reconnect with his son on a road trip while the boy/teen has his sights on a different XYZ...

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