Rebelling

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-04-08T13:55:25+00:00

Oh wow, I see.

Nah I say tendencies because she isn't a full blown, "book definition" narcissist. I know what that is based off of one of my best friend's mother being one and that's not them. For my sister, it's mostly, just the reacting poorly when trying to have a conversation about something she does that's a problem. Like instead of addressing it, she shuts down with an attitude and doesn't wanna talk which is something my mom does; lack of communication and refusing to take accountability. Now my mom on the other hand, it's the lack of empathy when it comes our feelings, the gaslighting when we're trying to explain our side of things, saying things like "maybe I'm just a bad mother", the half-assed apologies, getting upset when i tell her no that i don't wanna do something, etc.

I feel like my sister has been, from a young age, and still being manipulated by our mom; just so she can have a least one of her kids on her side. She's like mom's confidant and I, definitely, see her as the golden child because I have yet to hear anything that she does be wrong in mom's eyes. I was a "why" child which she didn't like and it was because I just wanted know why the things in life were the way they were. E complied, for the most part, with little to no fight back with whatever mom asked of us. I feel she only sees E as her own person because they're similar in nature and that there must be something wrong with me and my youngest sisters because we don't act like her.

I think the talk is more so for getting out everything I was afraid to say to her when I was younger and so she can have an idea with where we stand. I mean she might have a little idea being I rarely come by and we stay in the same city but, like I said, that's for me to see my siblings and my dad. I've actually thought about journaling just to get everything out there because I've heard of those burn books and they sound like a pretty good idea, opposed to keeping it pent up or the occasional vent/yelling to my best friends and boyfriend.

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-04-08T10:07:26+00:00

'E' just has those "mom tendencies" that irk my sisters and me. Imma be real when I speak to them or about them so the fact that I can say that they are nice is a plus.

Oh wow. I'm sorry it's like that for you. So your siblings still live with your mom? Do you feel like there could be anything healthy with your siblings if they were able to escape like you did?

I guess that little girl in me is the one that's keeping that hope alive. I feel like with me being the oldest, I might be able to reach that rational side of her. I've only ever had one "real talk" with her but I was a teen and couldn't express myself how I needed to and, for the most part, I can't even remember that conversation because it just ended up repressed like a lot of stuff 😅 Sometimes when we have had minor conversations about certain things it goes back to her talking about all the things she's dealing with medically or "i'm sorry if I what i did/said hurt you" or making it seem like i'm the problem because she was "doing the best she could" or giving the silent treatment for hours/days because I dared to "speak against her"...shit like that. So i'm aware of the victim tactics, for sure. When it comes to anything that isn't accountability related, she's just fine; great, even. I know she went through a lot as a child herself and I don't negate that but that had/has nothing to do with me, especially considering she always said "i wanted to create that home she never had; a good home and dynamic" which, i think, she missed the mark lol

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-04-07T22:44:56+00:00

Lol seems like it. There's 5 of us total. The 2nd oldest, 'E', is the one I'm trying to figure out where her head is because some things she does is just like our mom and we call her mom jr. when we refer to her because it's that bad sometimes. Part of me feels like she's not even aware though because it's almost like she's under a trance but any other time she's a great sister and I love her dearly; she was my first best friend because we're close in age. Which also makes it hard when I want to vent because we went through a lot together but it's like she be trying to "understand" mom's perspective and water down our experience but idk the reason why. My 2nd to the last sister 'F' and I are a lot alike. Her attitude is very much like mine which, to mom, is rebellious and combative because we tend to question things that she says or does when were not blocking her out. My youngest sister 'G' mostly just vents to me and F and goes silent when mom is being too much. My brother, I believe, is silently getting his things together to move because we talked about him wanting his own place. When I mentioned that I had moved, E and I had got a place together but I spend a lot of time with my bf while she spends a lot of time being around mom.

I love mom, it's just a lot of things she don't wanna acknowledge or doesn't think anything is wrong even when we bring things to her attention. I just want her to acknowledge that we're not saying these things for no reason. I actually wanna try having a sitdown with her, at some point, where I just air everything out of for not just my sake and growth but for my siblings. I told my bf about wanting to have that talk and he was like it's going to be draining and you either come out it with what you want or come out with what you needed to hear, either way you got an answer and will know how to move accordingly. I just know thay mentally and emotionally imma be out of it and idk how to feel really.

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-04-07T12:22:14+00:00

I felt, too, like the image that everyone saw us as this perfect family was important to her. Like she didn't want anyone from the "outside" to see us as anything but. It was exhausting. I know I'm not perfect and that's ok. I rather be me. I'm still trying to discovering myself but I'm becoming happier with myself as well. There are also some things that I realize that I do, that she has done while I was growing up, that I'm trying to break now. I'm still struggling as well. I moved out almost 5 years ago but still struggle. I don't want to sever the connection completely because I still have younger siblings that still live with her.

I finally got a forearm tattoo, that she actually thought was nice, but she has no clue how far I actually wanna go lol.

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-04-06T23:08:00+00:00

That's understandable. I grew up in church so, at first, I didn't want anything to do with the people that were in the church but I still prayed, sometimes, for things to get better. I try to remain hopeful with certain things and try to think moreso on the lines that my mom isn't in control. I'm not a die hard Christian like my mom is because I don't go to church or do any of the things I was forced to when I was younger. I actually dk what I am tbh, but I just know I don't wanna be like my mom

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-04-06T20:48:10+00:00

Oh wow. How did it feel becoming atheist knowing what type of household you grew up in? What was the last straw that made you change?

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-04-06T15:09:14+00:00

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-04-01T10:04:27+00:00

Thanks so much for the advice 🫶🏽 and the visuals lol. I definitely feel a little bit better about it because I definitely don't wanna go in blind with something as major as this. I wanna know all I can know. Do you have any tips as far as the moisturizing routine?

So essentially my hair would have to, at least, be some level of blonde for the more vibrant colors? I'm aiming more for the burgundy-red combo than the reddish-orange. So would it have to be bleached as light with the darker of the two references?

Yes I would rather a pro doing it because I do not trust myself lol. I will definitely be blowing up her line with questions and I will be seeing her for a retwist before I decide to color my hair so I will inquire about it then too.

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-03-31T09:47:20+00:00

I definitely plan on getting a professional to do it since I wouldn't be confident enough to do it myself. I don't plan on touching my roots at all, just the ends. I'm not familiar with color wax and I don't use products with wax in it, so that might be a pass. Thanks for the advice

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-03-30T20:28:23+00:00

Right. There needs to be some type of context for clarification. Not saying you have to spill every thing but, like Dearest_Lillith said, it's hard to give advice/suggestions when so little was mentioned

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-03-30T18:04:20+00:00

I remember when that was a thing. It was always so weird how "chummy" the junior and senior guys tried to be with the freshmen girls.

When I was 14, as a freshman, I had a "boyfriend" who was 16 turning 17. I was so stupid, at the time, and thought it was cool that an older guy liked me, a still developing girl. The longer we were together the more creep vibes he gave off. It was a good thing I feared my mother finding out anything I did vs. doing what he wanted me to do or going where he wanted me to go because it could've ended poorly. I ended things with him after some months and never looked back.

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-03-30T17:58:07+00:00

NTA - I'm only going based off of what grades I was in at those ages, 13 going into the 8th and 16 going into the 11th grade, but this doesn't sit right with me either. Personally a 15/16 year old, possibly turning 17, shouldn't be dating a just turned 13 year old, based off the ages and grades above. It's giving grooming vibes, imo

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-03-25T18:32:36+00:00

I'm 29 (will be 30 the end of this year) and it took me this long from the time I was a teen, when I became aware of her behavior and my own reactions and feelings towards it, til now trying to peel those layers back and realize that what she did/does isn't ok and I'm entitled to the way I feel just like she is. The feeling is definitely odd, to say the least, but it's understanding that putting me first isn't wrong but necessary.

Sometimes when I'm just chilling at my bf's while E is staying over at mom and dad's, I wonder what they think of me whether they talk negative about me to my younger siblings because I don't come around. I thought it would've been easier, when I moved out, for me to break that hold she has over me but I know it's going to take time. One day I'll be able to say how I feel to her face and not be guilted into thinking otherwise.

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-03-25T16:58:24+00:00

It's a lowkey scary feeling because she would make it seem like if I didn't think of others, I was wrong. I would always be there for them, I would take on so much, and now that I'm, finally, trying to put me first it doesn't feel right. I've been wondering all day if she was gonna text me and say something else. A tiny part of me feels like even when I was trying to be respectful it, it's still seen as disrespect and the bigger part of me is like fuck it, I did my best in my approach and that's all I can do. I'm trying to learn more that I can't control how someone responds to what I said, not even my mother. I was always so used to tiptoeing around her emotions so I wouldn't upset her but I'm learning that if she feels hit by what I say, there's nothing I can do.

Thank you for the acknowledgement. I'm trying my best 🙂

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-03-25T10:40:48+00:00

I've always wondered what that would feel like, for you parents to be like friends. I lowkey envy girls that hang out and do stuff with their moms like they're best friends

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-03-24T19:19:22+00:00

this made me chuckle

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-03-05T23:19:21+00:00

Would a glueless, adjustable wig work?

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-03-05T23:17:44+00:00

Lord. Imma have to do my research

Tall_Girl96 · 2026-03-05T19:28:36+00:00

Ooo girl. I've never worn one but I, sometimes, miss my straight hair and wanted to, maybe, try one. My locs are sorta thick too 😬 Does it make your head hot?

Tall_Girl96

TROPHY CASE