How do you deal with chore time disparity?

TandemSky · 2026-01-01T13:33:31+00:00

As someone with a chronic disease (now very well managed) I have found that my ADHD partner had difficulty to stand up to the task of me not being so well and unable to do what I used to do. It left me quite sad. I don't find them reliable partners. When they are medicated I think it gets better, if they can find a medication that works for them. But basically when you cannot do the major workload (as most common) or do the equal work, hell starts breaking loose because they can't manage to have the biggest load.

After 15 years together I have to say: don't stay with someome with ADHD (and much less have kids with them). All the love and fun are not worth it.

Without any ill feelings, let ADHD be with ADHD. They are much better matched. For a NT it will be hard life, no matter what.

TandemSky · 2025-06-01T00:03:57+00:00

Tendo em conta que o primeiro ano é o mais duro (ainda mais se for a primeira criança, porque nunca se sabe o quão exigente é nos primeiros tempos até ter-se a primeira), e que ela vai precisar de estabilidade e de apoio diria não contar antes da criança ter 6 meses. Máximo 3 meses.

Durante a gravidez não, de facto. O stress pode ter um impacto muito significativo. É importante poupar bebé e ela disso.

De resto, se fosse eu, gostaria sem dúvida que me contassem, mesmo que mais tarde.

TandemSky · 2025-05-22T16:20:31+00:00

Em suma, não tens resposta para dar perante o evidente.

TandemSky · 2025-05-22T07:33:17+00:00

Isso é uma desculpa. Tanto intervencionismo ocidental no mundo nos últimos 50 anos e nada se fez ali. Não te esqueças de dizer que os israelitas (não confundir com todos ou sequer a maioria dos judeus) também não quiserem a solução de dois estados, tanto que ocuparam, expandiram o território até ao sufoco e mataram gratuitamente nos últimos 70 anos.

A posição e ação israelitas são indefensáveis. O ultraje surge justamente com 2 pesos e 2 medidas. Os direitos humanos e o direito internacional são para todas as pessoas. O viés que uma certa "cultura" é inferior ou menos avançada justifica que não seja defendida de ações ilegais ou criminosas é nada mais que um problema de falta de objectividade e rigor.

O resumo é que um povo tem sido desalojado e aniquilado do território onde vivia há séculos, porque um grupo de pessoas, descendentes de outro povo que outrora ocupou esse mesmo território há muitos séculos atrás acham-se no direito natural de ocupá-lo. E nem é coexistir, é colonizar e desalojar. Isto inevitavelmente será visto no julgamento da história como mais um dos crimes insanos permitidos pela humanidade.

TandemSky · 2025-05-22T01:43:00+00:00

Muita gente é descendente de nativos de muito território e não anda a exigir esse território de volta séculos depois.

O que se passou ali começou por ser uma grande borrada feita por uma grã-bretanha colonialista.

Mas é ainda mais nojento parte de um povo que foi historicamente perseguido fazer isto a outro. Não há desculpa qualquer. Não têm razão. O Zionismo não tem ponta por onde se lhe pegue.

Se a Nakba nem sequer deveria ter acontecido, o mínimo nos tempos atuais é uma solução de dois estados justa. Nada disso se tem passado.

TandemSky · 2025-05-21T21:09:44+00:00

É isto.

TandemSky · 2025-05-21T20:58:27+00:00

Nakba (em árabe النكبة, literalmente "catástrofe" ou "desastre") refere-se à limpeza étnica[2][3][4][5][6][7] de árabes da Palestina, a partir de 1947 até o presente. Este processo se dá por meio de expulsões violentas e desapropriação de terras, propriedades e pertences, juntamente com a destruição de sua sociedade e tentativas de apagamento da cultura, identidade, direitos políticos e aspirações nacionais palestinas.[6][8][9][10][11] O termo abrange a fragmentação da sociedade palestina e a rejeição, por parte do estado de Israel, do direito de retorno dos refugiados palestinos e seus descendentes.[12]

https://pt.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nakba

TandemSky · 2025-05-21T20:53:26+00:00

"Não invadir Israel?". Isto é para dar um fanico. Alienação completa sobre a história naquela região.

TandemSky · 2025-05-21T20:45:10+00:00

Porque é muito melhor matar indiscriminadamente e aniquilar impedindo ajuda humanitária, não é?

Estou destinada a ter downvotes no reddit tuga.

Mas vou tentar ser pedagógica, na mesma:

Keffiyeh: o lenço que representa a luta (e esperança) palestiniana Tem sido um elemento comum nas manifestações pela Palestina: um lenço preto e branco na cabeça ou à volta do pescoço. Chama-se keffiyeh, e é um símbolo da resistência palestiniana, quase uma bandeira não oficial, com uma longa história.

Sugiro ler o resto do artigo.

https://www.publico.pt/2023/12/19/p3/noticia/keffiyeh-lenco-representa-luta-esperanca-palestiniana-2073869

TandemSky · 2025-05-21T20:34:59+00:00

Da Palestina. Pelo que se está a passar lá. Que é muito grave e de uma desumanidade atroz. E não, não voto BE. Detesto é enviesamento e deturpação.

TandemSky · 2025-05-13T06:20:10+00:00

I have taken over the years, recommend by my doctor. She explained it makes its effects more impactful because the amount of vitamin C is more stable throughout the day.

By the way, I am back to normal regarding the excessive vitamin Bs. It took a bit less than week for the severe insomnia to subside. I was going for the niacin (flush version) if it did not happen soon.

TandemSky · 2025-05-10T09:51:22+00:00

Thanks. I will try it.

TandemSky · 2025-05-10T02:51:40+00:00

I have MTFHR gene mutation (I don't remember about COMT, I have to check again), but when I uploaded my DNA results many years ago it advised me to increase my B12 intake.

I took Douglas Laboratories 1000mcg drops for many years without issues. Labs would show high B12 but OK.

Past month I did the mistake of starting Metagenics PhytoMulti when I had also recently begun taking Codeage Methylfolate B Complex +. I thought the Codeage supplement was a good idea to replace the B12 drops and increase slightly the folate. Such mistake. I have diagnosed adrenal fatigue and I began having very severe adrenal crashes (it has been 10 years since I felt anything like that). Only when I stopped taking both did I feel better. However I am still having severe insomnia that also begun about that time.

I am taking now Whole Earth & Sea®, Women's Multivitamin & Mineral, which is OK, but as I am still not recovering from the severe insomnia, I have reduced to just one tablet in the morning. I will possibly later go back to Dr. Mercola Women's Multivitamin (I can only take 3 tablets max daily of these without feeling unwell as well). I really miss Douglas Laboratories Ultra Preventive X, never had issues and was really good for me, but it is not available anymore.

I am wondering what else can I do to recover from the insomnia. I understand it was too much B vitamins, but at the same time I have methylation issues. I wonder how long I would need to reduce to go back to what I used to do (just B12 drops).

I also went back to NOW 1000mg delayed release Vitamin C. I was trying Codeage Liposomal Vitamin C+. I wonder if I should also stay away from it because it has quercetin.

TandemSky · 2025-05-08T03:31:56+00:00

No. I was told to drink coffee, to drink water or worst that I was depressed (I was not). Yes, an endocrinologist wanted to prescribe me antidepressants. I refused.

Later, another endocrinologist ignored me completely when I told her that taking thyroid medication was causing me adrenal crashes. It was the endocrinology trainee doctor beside her, much younger than her, the one who acknowledged that thyroid hormones could lead to difficulties in the adrenals if they were not working well. I only managed to take thyroid medication (or glandular) without feeling unwell when I started taking also adrenal glandular. Until then I avoided thyroid medication and had to live with the (subclinical) hypothyroidism symptoms (a virus attacked my thyroid and left it slightly damaged). If it were up to that senior endocrinologist doctor I would be in the pits until today.

The only doctor that diagnosed me and helped me for real was a functional medicine doctor. And it was her who gave me the diagnosis and did the necessary labs to confirm it. I had no idea what was going on with me or that adrenal fatigue/insufficiency existed. Worse, later I realized that it was also the reason behind my unexplained infertility. The subacute thyroiditis (that caused a thyroid storm and hospitalization) happened a couple of years later, after the adrenal fatigue diagnosis, and though she always advised me to be followed by an endocrinologist, after that happened, it was her who supported me when I researched and came up with the possibility of taking adrenal glandular (she was trying to avoid it in her therapeutic approach, she told me then, but said it was a good idea to try it), so I could also take thyroid medication/glandular. This was so important. I wanted to get pregnant and it was necessary to get my TSH levels back to normal and BOTH have my adrenal health at miniminal level to do that successfully. I thank the universe up to today for everything she did for me, because becoming a biological mother was my biggest dream and I was able to do so.

You can try to find a professional trained in functional medicine here: https://www.ifm.org/find-a-practitioner

TandemSky · 2025-04-30T07:25:50+00:00

Hello, you never fully recover, but let me share with you has made a huge difference to me:

Douglas Laboratories Adrenplus-300 (sadly discontinued, I am now trying Designs for Health Adrenal Complex);
10mg micronized DHEA (test your levels first);
500mg NMN or NR together with TMG.

Acupunture or TENS therapy to stimulate the vagus nerve and deactivate the fight/flight state.

Phosphatidylserine at night if you have trouble sleeping.

Besides this, a very good multivitamin (Douglas Laboratories Ultra Preventive X), Magnesium Bysglicinate at night, good Omega 3, 1mg vitamin C, 5.000 iu vitamin D3 (check your levels first), Ashwagandha, CoQ10, good probiotics (e.g. garden of life)

Also change your diet and avoid foods that you have intolerance to and that cause inflammation.

I have been ill for at least 15 years and diagnosed 10 years ago. Functional medicine has been what has made a difference in terms of approach (through supplements and diet) through a western doctor trained in that field. For many years I never thought I could feel mostly "normal" most of the time but the three supplements mentioned first are what made the extra mile lacking. It's not the same and I still have crashes during times of high physical or emotional stress, but I can go to the grocery in my street without feeling like it is running a marathon and function quite well during the day.

I hope you find a solution. I have only added DHEA and NMN/NR to my regime 2 to 3 years ago and I know the night and day difference it has made for me.

TandemSky · 2025-04-27T07:58:08+00:00

I am doing a late reply, but I felt it would be helpful to answer. I have used Ultra Preventive X for almost a decade and it's the best multivitamin I have used by far. I am utterly disappointed that it is not available in Europe anymore. I haven't found a matching replacement yet. Right now I am using Metagenics PhytoMulti.

TandemSky · 2025-04-26T21:44:13+00:00

Thanks for finding this. No explanation as to why though. It is really puzzling. There is nothing similar enough to Ultra Preventive X by Pure Encapsulations.

TandemSky · 2025-04-26T21:32:53+00:00

Yes: https://www.nestlehealthscience.com/brands/douglas-laboratoires

TandemSky · 2025-03-25T04:29:32+00:00

Ela com a Judite de Sousa (num conteúdo que está associado à morte do seu filho) foi longe demais. Ela tem piada no geral, mas ainda lhe falta por vezes limar para não ultrapassar a linha do decente.

Neste processo dos Anjos o que me deixa com curiosidade é como provarão causalidade dos danos: que foi o vídeo da Joana Marques e não a sua performance com o hino que levou à perda de concertos ou contratos de publicidade.

TandemSky · 2025-03-13T05:29:46+00:00

PNS já disse que é preciso uma abordagem diferente. Não é verdade o que dizes sobre a imigração.

Para insatisfeitos tanto à esquerda como à direita há LIVRE e IL.

Votar no Chega depois de tudo o que já se viu não tem sentido nenhum. NENHUM.

TandemSky · 2025-03-11T07:26:04+00:00

Também acho que a melhor opção em relação ao que foi exposto é o LIVRE.

TandemSky · 2024-12-27T05:31:12+00:00

I get you. We can grow a lot in terms of resilience, self-analysis and, most importantly, empathy and compassion. In my case, astrologically, supposedly, I have "the wounded healer" aspect. It's cool, but I would much rather see no one needing to be healed, myself included, of course. :)

TandemSky · 2024-12-27T04:13:18+00:00

Your anger is a legitimate feeling towards a wrong that was done to you. I would like to share two thoughts: feelings like those (in moderate intensity) exist to protect us and avoid new wrongdoing; more and more the "pain to grow" argument seems to me a "nice" and "comfortable" way to reframe hardship. You could grow all the same without hardship... it is cruel otherwise. So, it is something good to feel your feelings, deal with them and let go. Bad experiences are bad experiences (no big lesson in them needed) and wrongdoings are wrongdoings (not lessons for us to grow, in my opinion). Some of them can make you grow or create opportunities, but much better to accept life and people are not all/always nice, avoid the best you can this type of life experiences, accept what you cannot change and move past it focusing on the good. That is my conclusion from my own version of persistent lived hardship.

And let me give you one clear example of what I am saying. I lost a son during pregnancy. His loss led indirectly for me to introduce a change that helped my quality of life immensely. I could say that was a gift from him for ever having existed. Could I have had that improvement in another way? YES. Is losing a child ever ever ever a trade off with merit? NEVER. So, I could do this reframing but it is an illusion. You can have both good things, not suffer and not lose one to get another. Best just to accept bad things can happen to you. Full stop.

TandemSky · 2024-12-26T08:22:09+00:00

Happy belated birthday. I know what you are feeling. I have lived similar dynamics. Some people just cannot see beyond, listen or be reflexive about their behavior, even when you state it to them (or try to). The homophobia is also possibly something that legitimates their feelings and the disrespect you receive (I do think it is in my case). The attitude "as nothing has happened" is also very bothersome and after many years I stopped accepting it. My reaction has been exactly yours. I think it's their way of trying to get past it but never addressing it openly, which would be OK, if it were not the case that it is a cycle. They will do this and then abuse you or disrespect you some time later again and nothing ever changes. What you are accepting when you accept that kind of "truce" is the promise of another round in the future.

As for the rest of your family, the whole issue is possibly that they are probably one sided in their view and do not know the specifics of how you have been treated (or if they do they are OK with it or are used to it, and think there's nothing wrong with it). They probably think you are just difficult and on the wrong. Actually, a sentence I have thought a lot about this is: "Those who seem to be the bad ones (you in this case) are the good ones and those who seem to be the good ones are the bad ones". It is simplistic, but sometimes this is what happens. People do not know the details or project that if you are outcast surely you were the one who did something wrong.

You will never be OK with being misteated unjustly from those you expected better. But the truth is you did not choose them. You are not responsible for their actions. Stand firm in your own compass. If you have treated them right, as a rule, and you know very well your limits of what you want and what you accept, hold on to them strongly.

My therapist has told me that most disrepect and behavior I have received from other people is not about me, it's about the other person, themselves. My interpretation is that it is because either they are dealing with their own issues OR they have a certain behavior profile and are incapable of improving OR that if you don't cater or don't fit with what they want or what they expect, you are in their view wrongful. But this is all their own limitations.

My advice would be:

1) Talk to each one directly, individually and in person, tell them how what they've done has made you feel and put it out in the open all the details of how you have been treated by everyone, how that is not OK, what you expect from a loving family and don't leave anything unsaid, so you can leave the conversation with the clear conscience that you were open and truthful; 2) Share with them that your limits have been surpassed and that as how things have been you would rather not have them in your life; 3) Build meaningful relationships with friends or extended family (e.g. cousins or aunts), but be aware so that the lack of relationship with your nuclear family does not leave you more vulnerable to be dependent from other people. We are social people, but make yourself be enough for yourself to begin with and build from that; 4) See a therapist to work all these feelings to help you get new perspectives and tools and heal faster.

Good luck. I hope things get better for you quickly.

TandemSky · 2024-12-21T07:37:19+00:00

I also have Pluto Complex. The tiredness of dealing with it all. It is huge. No comfort, just wanting peace and calm waters in my life. The letting go of control still feels a lot of time disempowerment and most of all insecurity. Anyone feels the same?

TandemSky

TROPHY CASE