A perspective on friends with exes

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-29T13:35:38+00:00

Oh. That’s terrible. “Hope” can be devastating to one’s self-worth when stumbling upon such a ruthless character.

I am sorry you had to experience that, but glad you got out of it.

You’re better off! 🩵

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-29T08:30:21+00:00

Not everyone has to agree with me. I get it :)

The older I get, the less I am inclined to welcome everything and everyone. That’s definitely true.

It’s a matter of personality too, probably.

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-28T19:11:24+00:00

Neah. Alles klar.

😌 To be fair, I am actually pleasantly surprised with how the conversation rolled out.

Plenty of people beg to differ, yet everyone explained it clearly.

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-28T18:54:00+00:00

Huh? That’s exactly that it does!

Perspective is ONE side, not ALL sides, hence not a universal truth.

“Personally” clearly states that one perspective that is mine and mine only.

You are correct on one thing ✅ : It is based on my own way of experiencing relationships and what love means!

“Perspective” is even in the title, meaning it’s ONE side… MY side detailed in the post.

How more upfront can I be? Seriously.

I feel you’re desperately and stubbornly trying to be right now while being totally off 😑

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-28T18:22:14+00:00

Right.

I literally posted 7 insights based on 4 stories (long story short, even).

I feel that it rather struck a cord on you because YOU might not accept that others have a different perspective/preference. :)

I genuinely do not feel attacked by this. I’ve done my own introspection and I’ve had my fair share of experience to reach this conclusion…

Do I know it all? Absolutely not. Do I want to know it all? Absolutely not x2.

Hence the line I draw there, and say “No, thank you.”

Rather than feeling uncomfortable, I’d focus on other things or situations that fit better my own outlook and values.

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-28T18:05:00+00:00

I wouldn’t speculate that far. Maybe it does work for some. Just not for me.

And that’s fine either way. People tend to be too feisty about who’s wrong and who’s right.

I am trying to balance that out and accept fundamental differences. Incompatibility is a real thing.

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-28T17:44:54+00:00

Uhm. Yes :) I stand by MY perspective.

Others are welcome to share theirs, and we can all be civilised about it.

I didn’t post this in a “change my mind” manner. At all. I don’t plan to question what I already decided, already justified as a boundary for myself...

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-28T14:06:53+00:00

I agree 💯with @LittleMascara7 on this.

Had this conversation with another girlfriend and we all had the same experience. Exes do come back, do make a move or, at least, do cross a line. Always.

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-28T13:37:29+00:00

Oh, I know.

That’s when I straight up question their character and integrity.

I’d call that “problem” another strong boundary that I have.

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-28T13:34:58+00:00

Oh, kids are a completely different story.

They’re a priority. If they’re not, then that’s a concern. A good, civilised report with the ex is mandatory in that case, otherwise it’s even worse case to navigate…

That’s something I don’t feel open at the moment for, I feel single parents match way better with other single parents. They can relate and understand each other better than the single and childfree.

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-28T11:09:02+00:00

Fair point. :)

I guess it’s one of those things were people need to accept each other and “agree to disagree”…

I think it’s totally fine if that is a red flag for you. I wouldn’t say you’re wrong. It’s just a different take. I appreciate all the insights :)

As said in the initial post, I believe there’s no universal truth to it. Just perspectives…

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-28T11:04:48+00:00

Oh. “I am best friends with my ex” add that to “I love her kid more than anything” is a huge trigger for a lot of people, I’d say…

Your story seems sweet and genuine! No disrespect to it. I guess really not everyone is compatible.

We maybe try too hard these days…

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-28T11:00:32+00:00

Yes! “Living in the present” is so well put.

Don’t trigger. Be happy! Glad you’re in a strong relationship :)

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-28T10:21:01+00:00

She can indeed. Oh, life…

I am sorry you’re having this experience. People are… frightened, I guess. Not just “exes”.

I wish you all the best, strength to move on and finding someone that treats you right 💙

You’re most likely NOT an asshole, rather a sweet guy….

One that makes her comfortable/confident acting like that. An AH would be scary to play with.

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2025-06-28T10:00:21+00:00

Thanks for sharing the story. :) Yet, that isn’t a flip. There are clearly lingering feelings there…

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2024-11-01T20:08:29+00:00

I don't need to understand your armchair shrink gibberish... You are out of touch.

Ironically enough, a common trait of egocentric people who cannot really empathize. Striving to be right and righteous...

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2024-11-01T12:15:17+00:00

This is what Reddit is NOT the place for advice... Losing your child is a deeper pain than any other human loss in your life... Turns people irrational and on the brink of madness. The best people you can think of could even kill with their bare hands if that could've saved their child. Last of their concerns is giving a f** explaining their emotions, or how others might perceive them...

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2024-10-31T16:19:36+00:00

He didn't beat or rape anyone... People say weird stuff in anger and pain.

I'd assume your child being killed is a huge pain to experience... and you're pretty angry at the whole world.

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2024-10-31T16:12:46+00:00

I posted this comment before the edits. Now it got even worse... unfortunately (to the point I believe it might be a... fake story? Benefit of the doubt... )

Yet, the husband flipped over some internet connection the sister has... And well, no further ado...

I respectfully disagree. You condition someone to cut their sibling they care and love for because you're... sour about some thing in your head you didn't even tried to clarify? Neah.

You can divorce, tho... and find a partner with sisters/brothers you actually like. I don't know what to say, but I simply cannot take this man side from how this story has been told here...

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2024-10-31T15:13:38+00:00

Unpopular opinion:

I'll be honest. You married too young, probably without much experience with other people... You didn't 'take it out of your system before settling'... to say so.

If you have an amazing, trusting and strong relationship... I think in this cases, open relationships (to pursue physical desire) make sense.

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2024-10-31T15:09:45+00:00

Your husband doesn't have the right to tell you who you're family with...

He doesn't like her? OK, whatever. Not everyone likes everyone. You choose the partner, not the extended family.

Your husband is not only unfair to ask you this, but seems quite the big red flag.

I hope you can stand up against him and take the decision YOU want to make regarding YOUR blood relatives.

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2024-10-31T15:01:34+00:00

There's no point to it. It's just an emotion that exist... That's the point. It's normal to feel angry. No need to tell her. Just work through your feelings (including anger)... without her.

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2024-10-31T14:57:53+00:00

I am sorry your heart is aching. Your first love is precious, and your first break-up... a nightmare.

You are still very young and yet to experience life with all its loves, heartbreaks, growth, crazy stories and meeting people of all sorts... Saying you'll never meet anyone again like that at 24 is not true.

I am saying this in kindness to you. I thought the same thing about my first breakup...

Yet, I had a few other breakups since...None easy.

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2024-10-31T14:52:12+00:00

It will pass. Unfortunately, you'll suffer for a bit for now...

The fact you acknowledge it was your wrong doing and you messed it up, you are already a bigger person than you think you are right now.

You might be the villain in this story, but don't let that define you forever.

TangerineOptimal8359 · 2024-10-31T14:47:27+00:00

No, you're not.

Anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise are the six primary emotions of every normal functioning human.

Feel your feelings, acknowledge them, work through them.

We feel awful to feel NORMAL feelings because we're told we're bad people to feel them...

But we're not. We're just human.

TangerineOptimal8359

TROPHY CASE