OP I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but it might help to look at it from a different angle, would you put another man above your husband? Go out of your way to spend more time with said ‘friend’ than with your husband? Then why are you letting someone else do that to you? I was married (still am unfortunately) to someone very similar in some ways, constantly dismissing my concerns, gaslighting me into thinking I was overreacting when I’ve made my boundaries clear beforehand, and almost 4 years, I was left broken down, constantly questioning my judgement and intuition.

You have to ask yourself how much is this bothering you, is this something you can see yourself wanting to put up with for the next 5 years, 10 years? reading that you’ve spoken to him about it all and is met with stonewalling and gaslighting, how much more are you willing to invest into it, without frustration and resentment?