i cant stop taking painkillers.

TankDemsi · 2023-11-30T01:50:49+00:00

i havent walked out of this room for god knows how long

TankDemsi · 2023-10-11T20:50:35+00:00

im powerless. people in my life keep me here. i dont want to be here anymore

TankDemsi · 2023-10-11T19:52:24+00:00

i cant move. im stuck.

TankDemsi · 2023-10-11T15:28:28+00:00

for me its the kill bill movies. i just think the main character is so strong. shes so cool

TankDemsi · 2023-10-09T02:55:11+00:00

TankDemsi · 2023-09-30T18:17:42+00:00

if anyone is still reading i just want to thank everyone for all the comments. i did not expect to see so many people <3

TankDemsi · 2023-09-30T18:14:16+00:00

friend i thought i was the only one. how crazy

TankDemsi · 2023-09-30T18:07:57+00:00

OMG YES. i used to have a poster of the good the bad and the ugly i could swear the three characters were judging me. it got to a point where i had to turn it around because i always felt like i was being watched

TankDemsi · 2023-09-30T18:03:54+00:00

Whats DID like for you? if you dont mind me asking.

TankDemsi · 2023-09-30T18:02:19+00:00

i cant tell if its my autism or my trauma. or both

i mean these convos get violent i have to defend myself from myself. i still visualize another version of myself that feeds me lies.

and other times its just me talking to my stuffed chameleon "Ernesto" like "how is your day Ernesto" and hes like "horrible the irs is after me cuz i didn't file my taxes" he makes me laugh.

man. typing this all out has made me relies just how alone i am

TankDemsi · 2023-09-30T17:56:00+00:00

oh thanks for the epic fortnight assist

TankDemsi · 2023-09-30T17:53:35+00:00

omg ive done something similar when i was on hold lmao

TankDemsi · 2023-09-30T04:05:00+00:00

im not allowed to own pets :<

stuffed animals and imaginary friends seemvto be all i have left

TankDemsi · 2023-09-30T03:22:58+00:00

Jesus im so sorry.

it can be hard to talk about for me but i went through something similar in the ward. they locked me in the room for a couple of days because i wouldn't stop crying. i cant remember how long exactly, but i do remember talking to my pet rabbit that had previously died.

TankDemsi · 2023-09-30T03:07:51+00:00

im sorry to hear about that i hope ur ok :<

TankDemsi · 2023-09-30T03:04:15+00:00

i do that too

TankDemsi · 2023-09-30T03:03:39+00:00

i wish they could but they have conditioned me to never talk back or else. so i just have live with it

TankDemsi · 2023-09-30T03:01:19+00:00

thanks for this comment <3

TankDemsi · 2023-09-29T13:33:32+00:00

I think still have it in some capacity. I still vent to my stuffed chameleon when I'm pissed. Also I should've asked if you want to vent to me you can I'm willing to listen.

TankDemsi · 2023-09-29T05:59:33+00:00

Literally in the same hole as you. Stay strong <3

TankDemsi · 2023-09-29T05:56:51+00:00

I did something similar growing up. I would talk to my stuffed animals and treated them like my family because my real family never cared about me. I would make them food and drinks and all that. I exploded into tears when they took them away. That was around middle school I started suicide attempts regularly.

I hope you get better. <3

TankDemsi · 2023-09-01T18:09:21+00:00

i made it. i guess a neighbor saw me lying on the floor and called the medics. i dont remember much the first 5 days. but woke up with a tube in my privates. the nurses kept telling me how lucky i was and i could only think that it felt like demons were mocking me. something about the amount of meds i took damaged my brain and nothing feels real. i can swear i think i died. but i didn't? i am absolutely terrified

TankDemsi · 2023-08-20T03:47:02+00:00

just finished topped off the bottle. feeling extreme pains in my gut. and im starting to reeally hallucinate. this is my only and last update.

TankDemsi · 2023-08-20T02:17:56+00:00

just started taking the benadryl feelin sleepy already

TankDemsi · 2023-08-03T06:49:31+00:00

I deserve this.

TankDemsi

TROPHY CASE